Effective Scientific Writing: Economy of Words and Sentence Construction, Exercises of English Philology

Download Effective Scientific Writing: Economy of Words and Sentence Construction and more Exercises English Philology in PDF only on Docsity! 1 Word Choice A paper will be more readable if words are used economically. Writing concisely may be contrary to common practice in some countries where, I have been told, authors are paid by the number of words published! Always remember that your goal is to facilitate communication, which is accom- plished through concise and h i d writing in a well-organized manner. A. DELETE UNINFORMATIVE WORDS AND AVOID REDUNDANCY Using fewer words to convey a message almost always improves readability. It also requires more effort, as the mathematician Pascal once noted to a friend: “I am writing a longer letter than usual, because there is not enough time to write a short one. ” The examples in the left-hand column below are unnecessarily wordy. The right-hand column displays improved versions. (This side-by-side format for displaying “before and after” examples is used throughout the book.) brief in duration brief sufficient in number sufficient The wound was of a serious The wound was serious. nature. The solution was red in color. The solution was red. (Red is understood to be a color.) Some material in this chapter is from the lecture notes of Julius H. Comroe Jr., Cardiovascular Research Institute, University of California at San Francisco; excerpted by kind permission at Mrs. Julius H. Comroe. 3 4 An Outline of ScientiJTc Writing It was precooled before use. It was precooled. (The prefix pre- implies before. We repeated the experiment We repeated the experiment. again. EXERCISES, 1. a. b. d. e. f. g. h. i . k. 1. C. j. Rewrite each phrase to eliminate unnecessary and redundant words (Answers are given at the end of the chapter.) carefully investigate past history mix together human volunteers original source advance planning globular in shape more preferable than seem to appear for a period of several minutes The role of cobra toxin is still a matterfor speculation. (Hint: replace the words in italics.) The work will be completed in the not-too-distant future. m. The reaction rate was examined and found to vary considerably. n. The results would seem to indicate the possibility that impurities might be present. 0. As a result of these experiments it became quite evident that overheating of the samples had occurred. p. As far as my own experiments are concerned, they show ... q. It has been found that ... r. It is interesting to note that ... s. Needless to say, ... Word Choice 7 The patient has gone to his rest are better expressed as The patient died. EXERCISES. 4. Rewrite the following phrases and sentences. a. unless and until b. it goes without saying c. within the realm of possibility d. We sacrificed the animal. e. We performed euthanasia on the animal. The following terms are usually better omitted or rephrased. Answers have not been provided; the reader should be able to suggest suitable answers. approximately a majority of a number of an order of magnitude faster are of the same opinion as a consequence of as a matter of fact As seen from our study, it is evident that based on the fact that due to the fact that first of all for the reason that has the capability of in a satisfactory manner in order to in terms of is defined as 8 An Outline of Scientijic Writing it has been reported by Dr. Lee that it has long been known that It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding. it is worth pointing out in this context that it may, however, be noted that owing to the fact that the question as to whether there is reason to believe with the possible exception of E. USE SYNONYMS A synonym is a word that has the same or nearly the same meaning as another word. There are two reasons to use synonyms: First, to avoid monotony from using the same term repeatedly. The subject demonstrated a marked sensitivity to the allergen. After receiving the medication, she showed marked improvement. This is a marked medical achievement. The repeated use of marked makes this passage tedious. The text can be improved by substituting different synonyms. The subject demonstrated a marked sensitivity to the allergen. After receiving the medication, she showed extraordinary improvement. This is a noteworthy medical achievement. The second reason for using synonyms to express the precise shade of meaning for a specific context. Extraordinary and noteworthy communicate a stronger sense of enthusiasm than marked. Goglum [Cancer Res. (1945) 5 , 2471 has given twenty-two alternatives for the word marked: appreciable considerable conspicuous extreme great intense signal significant striking Word Choice 9 decided definite distinct extensive extraordinary To this list Dr. Comroe added advanced astonishing big enormous large notable noteworthy noticeable pronounced excessive goodly huge immense strong substantial unusual important obvious profound remarkable Synonyms for common words can be found in a thesaurus, a dictionary, and some word processing programs. Understanding the nuances of synonyms can admittedly be difficult for those of us with English as a second language. The best ways to improve your grasp are to read English- language authors and practice your own writing. ANSWERS TO EXERCISES. 1. a. investigate (study) b. history c. mix d. volunteers e. source f. planning g. globular h. preferable (to) i. seem j . for several minutes k. speculative 1. soon (before long) m. varied n. suggest (were) 0. These experiments showed that the samples had evidently been overheated. p. My own experiments show ... q. (delete phrase) r. (delete phrase) s. (delete entire passage) 2. a. because b. was c. soon d. mostly e. (delete) f. suggests g. whether h. near i. evidently j. if (should) 3. a. The data were calculated. b. Necrosis may be caused by toxins. (Toxins may cause necrosis.) c. Phenolic derivatives are easier to see if the paper is left wet. d. An easy, accurate way to ... 4: a. (rewrite the sentence) b. (delete) c. possible d and e. We killed the animal. 12 An Outline of Scientijic Writing and so forth, until the sentence is reduced to just its subject, verb, and complement (if any). It usually becomes clear which verb form should be used-especially if the sentence is spoken aloud. Using the preceding example: An evaluation ... are described. An evaluation ... is described. Speaking sentences aloud is a useful check of your writing style. Often the ear will detect what the eye misses, although you cannot always rely on the sound of a sentence, as the next rule shows. 2. Recognize irregularplurals. A common mistake is to use a singular verb with data, formulae, and radii, which are plural nouns (their singular forms are datum, formula, and radius, respectively). The error results from failure to recognize irregular plurals, i.e., plural forms that do not end with an s. This data is significant. These data are significant. (Also note the use of the plural article these. 3. when singular and plural subjects are joined by either ... or and neither ... nor, the verb must agree with the nearest subject. Neither the physical behavior of these substances nor their half- life data was known. Neither the physical behavior of these substances nor their half- life data were known. Either the samples or the Either the samples or the apparatus were contaminated. apparatus was contaminated. Do not confuse either ... or and neither ... nor with either and neither, both of which always take a singular verb. Sentence Structure 13 Either of the explanations is acceptable. Neither of the samples is large. A compound sentence with more than one dependent clause must include all verbs, unless they are the same in each clause. That is, if one clause contains a singular subject and another clause a plural subject, both the singular and plural verbs are required. The tissue was minced and The tissue was minced and samples incubated. samples were incubated. All auxiliaries verbs (such as to be and have) must likewise be included, unless they are the same. Blood samples have been drawn and measurements have been and measurements taken. taken. Blood samples have been drawn Dissimilar auxiliaries cannot be omitted, however Blood samples have been drawn and urine collected. Blood samples have been drawn and urine has been collected. B. PRONOUN REFERENCE An antecedent is the word, phrase, or clause to which a pronoun refers. A sentence may be confusing if the pronoun and its antecedent are not clearly identifiable. A missing antecedent cannot be assumed to be “obvious from context,” and an ambiguous reference should always be corrected. In the statement The monkey was operated on by the surgeon when he was six weeks old the reader cannot tell whether it was the surgeon or the monkey who was six weeks old at the time of the surgery. The ambiguity is removed by 14 An Outline of Scientific Writing positioning the pronoun closer to its antecedent. The monkey, when he was six weeks old, was operated on by the surgeon. Better still is to move the relative clause to the beginning, where it will not separate the subject from the principal verb. When he was six weeks old, the monkey was operated on by the surgeon. If the ambiguity cannot be removed by rearranging words, the entire sentence should be rewritten. Sera were prepared by immu- Sera from immunized rabbits nizing rabbits and drying and were dried, powdered, and used using them in powdered form for for blood grouping. blood grouping. The left-hand version evokes unfortunate images of rabbits being dried and powdered, while the revised version conveys the intended meaning. c. ACTIVE AND PASSIVE VOICE English verbs have two voices: active and passive. In the active voice, the subject performs the action, while in the passive voice, the subject receives the action. Frances always wins the award. [Active voice] The award is always won by Frances. [Passive voice] Note the change of the verb from win for the active voice to is won for the passive. The passive voice always combines some form of the verb to be with a past participle. As fashions change with time, so does the style of scientific writing. Prior to 1900, scientists routinely used the active voice and personal pronouns in their reports, making such statements as, “I made the following Sentence Structure 17 importance, but [that] their precise role was conjectural. Later, studies of thin sections of cardiac muscle by electron microscopy (7-14) showed two membranes at each intercalated disc and a narrow interspace traversing the muscle fibers. The cleft between the transverse membranes was clearly part of the extracellular space. [These studies established thatj cardiac muscle consists of individual cells and [that] the intercalated discs are sites of cell-to-cell attachment. Changing the voice from passive to active reduces 165 words to 137. Further, the bracketed words can be deleted without materially affecting the content, a total saving of 22%. D. NOUNS FROM VERBS Verbs can express action. For many action verbs there are nouns of similar derivation that expresses the result of the action, for example, examine/examination and perform/performance. Using the noun form expresses the action indirectly. Your writing will be more vigorous if such nouns are replaced by the verb forms. By analysis of the data By analyzing the data An evaluation of the data was done. The data were evaluated. The installation of the new The new equipment has been equipment has been carried out. installed. EXERCISES. Rewrite the following sentences to use the active voice and eliminate unnecessary words (answers follow). 1. He made an examination of the patient. 2. His performance of the tests was adequate. 3. These agents exert their action by inhibition of synthesis of cholesterol 4. We made at least two analyses on each specimen. by the liver. 18 An Outline of Scientific Writing 5. Our preliminary report included a description of the techniques used for the infusion of fluids into the cerebral ventricles of rats. 6 . Evaporation of ethanol from the mixture takes place rapidly. 7. With the occurrence of increase in the metabolic rate during exercise, 8. Clarity in writing is my intention. there is also an increase in the rate of gas exchange in the lungs. ANSWERS. 1 . He examined the patient. 2. He performed the tests adequately. 3. These agents act by inhibiting the synthesis of cholesterol by the liver. 4. We analyzed each specimen at least twice. 5. Our preliminary report described the techniques used to infuse fluids into 6 . Ethanol evaporates rapidly from the mixture. 7. When the metabolic rate increases during exercise, the rate of gas 8. I intend to write clearly. the cerebral ventricles of rats. exchange in the lungs also increases. E. MODIFIERS Modifiers can be words, phrases, or clauses. They fall into one of two categories: adjectives or adverbs. Adjectives qualify nouns and pronouns, the words that serve as subjects and objects of sentences. Adverbs mainly modify verbs, but they can also modify adjectives, other adverbs, and even whole sentences. Because their position can alter the intended meaning, it is important to place modifiers properly. Adjectives. Adjectival modifiers are easy to place and usually modify the nearest noun. One or more adjectives precede the noun, while adjective phrases follow the noun. a little red house a child in jeans Sentence Structure 19 a child in blue jeans a child in jeans the color of the sky Adverbs. Adverbs behave less conventionally than adjectives and are not as easy to place. Since an adverb can modify a verb, an adjective, an adverb, and even an entire sentence, the positioning of an adverb can sometimes perplex even the most practiced writer. Most single-word adverbs end in -ly, such as lightly and evenly, and usually precede the words that they modify. We usually centrifuge samples for ten minutes. He noted a relatively large increase in blood flow. An exception is when the adverb modifies an intransitive verb, which is a verb without a direct object. The adverb usually follows the intransitive verb that it modifies. He walked quickly. The machine runs efficiently. An adverbial modifier that modifies the entire sentence can usually be placed at either the beginning or end. As soon as my replacement arrived, I left for my sabbaticd year. I left for my sabbatical year as soon as my replacement arrived. If the modifier makes up a large portion of the sentence, it should follow the verb for better balance. As soon as my replacement I left as soon as my replacement arrived, I left. arrived. 22 An Outline of Scientific Writing ability to be in two places at once, the lecture hall and the laboratory. Finally, the third example says that oxygen collected the samples. The following two versions of a report illustrate the importance of careful sentence construction. The first version is filled with misplaced modifiers (italicized) that make the text awkward and ambiguous. These errors are corrected in the second version, which is much easier to read. (Courtesty of M. Zeiger.) VERSION 1: Residual lung volumes were determined in 20 normal subjects, using a modified Collins spirometer with a 9-liter capacity. The following procedure was used. Before testing each subject, the water level of the spirometer was checked and if necessary restored to a predetermined level to maintain a constant dead space. After checking for leaks in the system, the spirometer, tubing, and breathing valve were flushed repeatedly with oxygen until the nitrogen was cleared from the system. Nitrogen clearance was monitored using a nitrogen analyzer. When completely cleared of nitrogen, 5.915 liters of oxygen were introduced into the spirometer. Combining this oxygen with the 1.085 liters of oxygen in the dead space, the total effective spirometer volume was 7 liters. All tests were conducted in the sitting position. After explaining the purpose of the test and describing the procedure, the noseclip was secured firmly on the subject's nose and the mouthpiece was positioned comfortably in his mouth. Next, turning the breathing valve to the outside air, the subject was instructed to inhale deeply and then to exhale as fully as possible. VERSION 2 : To determine the residual lung volumes in 20 normal subjects, we used modified Collins spirometer that had a 9-liter capacity. Before testing each subject, we checked the water level of the spirometer and, if necessary, restored it to a previously determined level in order to maintain a constant dead space. We then checked the system for leaks and flushed the spirometer, tubing, and breathing valve repeatedly with oxygen until the nitrogen was cleared from the system. Nitrogen clearance was monitored by a nitrogen analyzer. When the system was completely cleared of Sentence Structure 23 nitrogen, we introduced 5.915 liters of oxygen into the spirometer. This axygen combined with the 1.085 liters of oxygen in the dead space to yield a total effective spirometer volume of 7 liters. All tests were conducted on seated subjects. After explaining the purpose of the test and descn'bing the procedure, we secured the noseclip firmly on the subject's nose and positioned the mouthpiece comfortably in his mouth. We then turned the valve to the outside air and instructed the subject first to inhale deeply and then to exhale as fully as possible. F. GERMANIC CONSTRUCTION Sentences containing several adjectives in sequence are difficult to understand, These sequences are sometimes called Germanic constructions, after the German practice of concatenating several adjectives and nouns to form a single, very long word. They are no easier to understand in English than they are in German! This is a case where the most concise sentence is not the clearest; a few extra words and punctuation marks will make the sentence easier to understand. Simian virus transformed fetal Simian virus-transformed mammalian heart fibroblast fibroblast from fetal mammalian heart Whole rat liver homogenates The antigen was prepared from were used for preparing the the homogenized whole liver antigen. from rats. The gas analyzer sampling tube The sampling tube of the gas is then connected to the analyzer is then connected to the calibrator mixing chamber. mixing chamber of the calibrator. Respiratory rates were measured Respiratory rates were measured with a Yellow Spring Instrument with an oxygen-monitoring Co. oxygen monitor system. sys tem (Yel low Spr ing instruments Co.). 24 An Outline of Scientijc Writing The samples contained high The serum samples contained molecular weight complement- complement-fixing antibodies of fixing serum antibodies. high molecular weight. The oxygen-inhalation arterial The measurements of oxygen blood oxygen tensions of the tension of arterial blood taken neonates were consistent with while the neonates breathed this hypothesis. oxygen were consistent with this hypothesis. G. PUNCTUATION Remember that punctuation and spacing are important, too. Sometimes the omission of a single mark of punctuation can cause confusion. For instance, in the book title, The Physical Chemislry of Poly(ybenzy1-L-glutamate} and Glutamic Acid Containing Polypeptides a reader might erroneously infer that polypeptides are sometimes found in glutamic acid. The author is actually discussing poly(g-benzyl-L-glutamate) and other polypeptides that contain glutamic acid. A hyphen is needed between glutamic acid and containing to indicate this. The Physical Chemistry of Poly(g-benzyl-L-glutamare) and Glutamic Acid- containing Polypeptides The following newspaper excerpt illustrates the importance of proper spacing : In August 1993, a dam in a remote western province of China burst and killed 257 people. However, the U.N. disaster relief agency misread a Chinese document and reported the death figure at 1,257, The error resulted from a misplaced space in the English translation of the document, which read “as of September 1,257 people were dead,” instead of “as of September 1 , 257 people were dead.” Sentence Structure 21 He shouted, “Have a safe trip!” as we drove away. She closed with, “This meeting is now adjourned.” Why did she say, “Call me when you get home”? Colons and semicolons are placed outside the quotation marks. If the quotation ends with a colon or semicolon, it is dropped. It was clear that everyone had read “Treatment of Tumors”; the ensuing discussion ws brisk and informed. The American rules for placing colons, ellipses, exclamation points, question marks, or semicolons are the same as the British rules. A comma or period, however, is always placed inside the closing quotation mark. If the quote is included within another sentence, a terminal period is omitted or replaced by a comma, unless the quote comes at the end of the sentence. If the quotation appears at the end of a larger sentence, the period is placed inside the closing quotation mark and serves to terminate both quote and sentence. “This meeting is now adjourned,” were her closing words. “The pen is mightier than the sword” is his favorite maxim. Finally, the American practice is to use a comma after e.g. and i .e., while the British style omits the comma. AMERICAN BRITISH Please bring some form of Please bring some form of identification, e.g., a driver’s identification, e.g. a driver’s license or passport. license or passport. 28 An Outline of Scientific Writing She had the credentials, i.e., a degree from a top-tier school and extensive experience. extensive experience. She had the credentials, i.e. a degree from a top-tier school and Note that scholarly Latin such as e.g. , i .e. , et al., and so forth can be set in roman type; italics are unnecessary. 3. Block quotations Quotations that are displayed separately from the main text are called block quotes. Typically, a block quote starts on a new line, is indented, and may be in a smaller typesize. Because they are clearly separate from the main text, quotation marks are unnecessary. Every child who was educated in America is familiar with the address that Abraham Lincoln delivered at Gettysburg , Pennsylvania and began: Fourscore and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived, can long endure. A quotation that is not displayed separately must be enclosed in quotation marks. If the quotation contains more than one paragraph, quotation marks are used at the beginning of each paragraph and at the end of the last paragraph. They are not used at the ends of any paragraph except the last one. Every child who was educated in America is familiar with the address that Abraham Lincoln delivered at Gettysburg , Pennsylvania and began: “Fourscore and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. “Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived, can long endure.” 3 Paragraph Stmcture In its simplest form, a lucid paragraph contains a topic sentence and clearly related supporting sentences. The topic sentence contains the main point or idea of the paragraph, while supporting sentences provide detail or ancillary information. Each paragraph should be organized for continuity. That is, a smooth flow of ideas should be maintained, not only from sentence to sentence, but from paragraph to paragraph as well. Less experienced authors tend to format each paragraph identically, making the first sentence a summary statement, with subsequent sentences providing the detail. Such writing “by formula” is considered less polished and often lacks good transition between topics; it is, however, direct and intelligible and therefore perfectly acceptable. It is beyond the scope of this discussion to cover paragraph composition in detail. Authors learning to write in English would be discouraged when confronted with the many fine points of paragraph design. My advice 1s to write your first draft with just the goal of communicating simply and clearly; otherwise, you will hesitate to start writing at all. Then gradually improve your style in subsequent drafts. With practice you wilt. compose more “by ear” and less by studying rules. The following are basic guidelines for paragraph design. Readers interested in further study are referred to Chapter 3 of Mimi Zeiger’s book Essentials of Writing Biomedical Research Papers, which discusses paragraph composition and provides many examples. 1. Cover only one main point or idea in each paragraph. 2. Each sentence should establish or support the topic of the paragraph. Sometimes the relationship of the supporting sentences and topic is unclear, as in the following: 29