Understanding the Nature and Characteristics of Friendships, Quizzes of Communication and Development studies

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TERM 1 Oprah/Gayle Friendship Story DEFINITION 1 Oprah and Gayle (production assistant) are best friends who come from very diverse backgrounds but still manage to find similar traits in each other Became best friends after Gayle had to stay over during a snow storm Cornerstone of iconic friendship are communication, support, and trust High degree of disclosure Friendship isn't always defined or explainable TERM 2 Nature of Friendship DEFINITION 2 Friendship is an important source of emotional security and self esteem Facilitates a sense of belonging when we're young, helps solidify our identity during adolescence, and provides satisfaction and social support when we're elderly TERM 3 Friendship (Definition) DEFINITION 3 A voluntary interpersonal relationship characterized by intimacy TERM 4 Distinguishing Characteristics of Friendship (1/2) DEFINITION 4 Friendship is Voluntary: we have more choice in partners than any other type of relationships, less constraints on choice Friendship is Driven By Shared Interests: similarity is the primary force that draws us to our friends, most common reason for friendships ending is change in shared interests Friendship is Characterized By Self-Disclosure: both men and women report that being able to freely disclose is THE defining feature of friendship (reciprocal relationship) TERM 5 Distinguishing Characteristics of Friendship (2/2) DEFINITION 5 Friendship is Rooted in Liking: affection and respect for our friends means we LIKE them, since rooted in liking rather than love there are less emotional demands Friendship is Volatile: less stable, more likely to change, and easier to break off than other types of relationships, most likely because there is little depth of commitment TERM 6 Friendship Functions DEFINITION 6 Friendships help us fulfill our need for companionship-- chances to do fun things together and emotional support-- and they also help us achieve practical goals--friends help us deal with problems and tasks TERM 7 Communal Friendships DEFINITION 7 Friendships that focus primarily on sharing time and activities together Get together as often as possible etc. Emotional support is central aspect of this friendship, so only when both friends fulfill expectations does this kind of relationship last TERM 8 Agentic Friendships DEFINITION 8 Friendships in which the parties focus primarily on helping each other achieve practical goals Value sharing time together, but only if they're available and have no other obligations at the moment Not seeking emotional support etc, become uncomfortable with more personal demands/repsonsibilities TERM 9 Friendship Across Life Span DEFINITION 9 4th grade--children look to family for sole source of emotional support Adolescence--transfer emotional attachment from family to friends (same for college students) Middle Adulthood--people form romantic commitments which often shifts dependence to their families and partners (friendship begins to wane, especially for men) Later in life, pattern switches back as elderly people see friendships as the most important for social support TERM 10 Friendship and Culture DEFINITION 10 Many Westerners believe that friendships do not endure and that you naturally lose and gain friends over time Closest Relationship: Euro Americans said romantic partners while Japanese say friendships TERM 21 Maintenance Strategies: Sharing Activities DEFINITION 21 Activity sharing show that each friend is willing to make time for one another, more than just scheduling time so you can enjoy a certain activity Must feel that the other friend is "being there" when needed Where you spend your time and who with can often be perceived by others as showing depth or loyalty Use IPC to express value in all relationships equally TERM 22 Maintenance Strategies: Self Disclosure DEFINITION 22 To foster this, just make time for your friends to talk, encouraging them to open up and share Avoid betraying your friend is just as important Relationship Between Openness and Protection: friends have boundaries on what to talk about just like other relationships EXAMPLE: Steve and his gay friend, couldn't talk about partner TERM 23 Friendship Challenges: Betrayal DEFINITION 23 Rachel and Ashlee Example Betrayal is the most common reported reason for ending a friendship Managing Betrayal: you will experience grief and you should emotion share with people who have experienced it Avoid lashing out and think about whether or not you should repair the relationship (how bad was it, was it a one time thing, did you discover something you cannot put up with) TERM 24 Friendship Challenges: Geographic Separation DEFINITION 24 One of the most common and intense challenges 90% of people report having at least one long distance friend and 80% say they have a "close" long distance friend People mostly visit when it is convenient, hard to share time and self disclose in this case Friendships that survive this have two people who feel strong liking and understand that change is a natural part of a relationship, they also feel a strong sense of shared history Technology helps a great deal: Steve and Vikram EXAMPLE TERM 25 Friendship Challenges: Attraction DEFINITION 25 Men typically report more of a desire for romantic involvement with platonic friends than do women 87% of college women and 93% of college men reported feeling sexually attracted to a friend at some point Cross Sex friendships are hardest to avoid this because everyone assumes you are sexually attracted to each other TERM 26 Romance Between Friends DEFINITION 26 Many friends who do find sexual attraction opt to pursue it First cue is radical increase in the amount of time flirting occurs People who were friends before are much more likely to be friends after a failed relationship than those who were not friends How to transition: 1) expect difference 2) emphasize disclosure 3) offer assurance TERM 27 Friends With Benefits DEFINITION 27 Participants engage in sexual activity, but not with purpose of creating romantic attachment or relationship 50% of college students have had such a relationships Two Reasons: 1) They welcome lack of commitment 2) They want to satisfy sexual needs (BOTH MEN AND WOMEN) FWB has rules but often fail because one party develops feelings and FWB doesn't satisfy emotionally TERM 28 Focus on Culture: Cross-Orientation Male Friendships DEFINITION 28 Douglas Quenqua notes that people assume there is a barrier of attraction between straight and gay male friends Not true, most prominent barrier was peer pressure from both sides to avoid interaction with other friend Military is conducive to these relationships, having learned to depend on each other for survival, they surpass all other boundaries One consistent factor: lack of consistency (no two are exactly the same)