Activities for Healthy and Building Relationships: Recognizing Qualities of Good Friends, Schemes and Mind Maps of Social Work

Download Activities for Healthy and Building Relationships: Recognizing Qualities of Good Friends and more Schemes and Mind Maps Social Work in PDF only on Docsity! ECOMAP TOOLKIT \ ag ‘Le Bae Communities In Schools « id-America Table of Contents 2 Research Ecomap Directions How to Complete Ecomaps Talk With Your Students Matrix Blank Ecomap Individual Ecomap Family Support Questionnaire Community Ecomap Ecomap Evaluation Five Relationships Strong Relationships Ecomap Activities Healthy Relationships New Relationships Improving Relationships References Additional Resources 3 7 7 13 9 18 23 25 52 59 109 6 10 11 21 22 110 16 An Ecomap can be used to gain a greater understanding of the client and the relationships that influence them. It is a good way to start a discussion and ask the right questions in counseling. Robin McWilliam, Ph.D., began using Ecomaps as a component of his Routines Based Intervention approach. In his article "Understanding the Family Ecology" (2001), Dr. McWilliam calls the Ecomap the “most important activity of the intake visit.” It provides the team with the family’s “perceived informal, formal and immediate supports” (Making Access Happen, 2016). Additionally, Ecomaps are useful because they “assist clients in describing, organizing, and understanding the ways in which the client relates to and with each of the systems in their lives. Ecomaps reveal not only the relationships themselves, but the quality of those relationships in the ways that the client chooses to classify them” (The Ecomap – A Social Work Assessment Tool, n.d.). They can also assist in providing the interviewer with family information. It is critical to understand the people with whom families are connected–so as to utilize their existing supports without inventing new ones. Understanding the social supports of families is positively linked with achievement of early intervention outcomes. Research 5 Why Are They Important? Ecomaps give workers a comprehensive picture of many things, to include: family dynamics, connections to their social systems and the community, the family unit’s level of connection to the external world, areas of deprivation where resources may be needed or strengthened, and areas of service duplication. -Brandi Brown and Wendy, Alabama’s Early Intervention System — > ~~ ia - ECOMAP DIRECTIONS In Schools « % Bae Communities Explain what an Ecomap is. Remind your student that they do not have to share anything that they are not comfortable with. How to Complete Ecomaps Every Site Coordinator is tasked with completing an Ecomap for each of their caseload students. These documents are completed at the beginning and at the end of the year. Steps to fill out Ecomaps3 1. 2. 3. Talk With Your Student Utilize the Ecomap Matrix Fill Out the Blank Ecomap Talk With Your Student 7 10 4 2 4 3 3 16 Total scores that fall in the range 5-11: Broken Relationship Total scores that fall in the range 12-18: Stressed Relationship Total scores that fall in the range 19-25: Strong Relationship Example 1: In this example, the Site Coordinator has gone through the Ecomap Matrix with his/her/their student. The Site Coordinator has circled the score that best reflected the answer that the student gave to the domain questions. After going through each question, the Site Coordinator has tallied up the scores for a total score of 16. Using the key, the Site Coordinator now knows that he/she/they can classify this relationship as "Stressed" on the Ecomap. The Site Coordinator will repeat this process for each student relationship listed on his/her/their Ecomap. This document can be found on the X Drive here: X:\Field Operations\Eco Mapping\Research Utilizing the Ecomap Matrix Example 1 Fill Out the Blank Individual Ecomap Now that you have completed the Ecomap Matrix, you are ready to fill out your student's Individual Ecomap. Write the student's name on the line and the names of those with whom your student has a relationship in the circles. To Fill in The Individual Ecomap: 11 Dad Sarah Younger Sister Rosie Older Sister Jim Friend Joe Friend Mom John Doe Student's Name Using the information you gathered from Step 2, "Utilizing the Ecomap Matrix," assign each of the relationships their correct relationship score. Represent this with the correct line. 12 Jim FriendJohn Doe Mom Dad Sarah Younger Sister Rosie Older Sister Joe Friend Student's Name /--/--/ Connect the circles to the student's name with the correct line. Strong Relationship: Stressed Relationship: Broken Relationship: To Fill in The Individual Ecomap /--/--/ Fill Out the Blank Individual Ecomap Example 2: In this example, the Site Coordinator has gone through the Family Supports Questionnaire with the parents or legal guardians of the caseload student. This is done during one of the monthly check-ins with the caseload student's parents or legal guardians. The Site Coordinator has circled the score that best reflected the answer that the parents or legal guardians gave to the domain questions. After going through each question, the Site Coordinator now knows how to classify each activity or service on the Ecomap. This document can be found on the X Drive here: X:\Field Operations\Eco Mapping\Research Example 2 15 If the relationship is “Broken,” it will be represented by a line on the Ecomap If the relationship is “Stressed,” it will be represented by a line on the Ecomap If the relationship is “Strong,” it will be represented by a line on the Ecomap /--/--/ Utilizing the Family Supports Questionnaire Fill Out the Blank Community Ecomap 16 Write the student's name in the center box. Fill the boxes at the top with the student's family and friends. Boxes on the side will be filled with places of support. Boxes on the bottom will be filled with community resources the family utilizes. To Fill in The Community Ecomap: Name: Fill the bottom with names of people and places that provide support to you and your family. Fill the sides of the map with support places like church, work, school, etc. Fill the top with names of friends, family, and neighbors. People you see most. John Doe Mom Dad Sarah-Lil Sis Rosie-Older Sis Jim-Friend Joe-Friend School Baptist Church CIS Food Stamps Mrs. Smith - Social Worker 17 Connect the outside boxes to the box in the center with the correct relationship line. Strong Relationship: Stressed Relationship: Broken Relationship: To Fill in The Community Ecomap: /--/--/ Name: Fill the bottom with names of people and places that provide support to you and your family. Fill the sides of the map with support places like church, work, school, etc. Fill the top with names of friends, family, and neighbors. People you see most. John Doe Mom Dad Sarah-Lil Sis Rosie-Older Sis Jim-Friend Joe-Friend School Baptist Church CIS Food Stamps Mrs. Smith - Social Worker /- -/ -- /- -/ /--/--/ Fill Out the Blank Community Ecomap What is a Healthy Relationship Goal? Typically, we have a core group of five very close friends — something Robin refers to as our ‘support clique.’ They're our real, ride- or-die, deep, meaningful connections (Leaver, 2020). How to Evaluate Ecomaps 20 So, how many developmental relationships should a person have? Is there a limit to the number of close connections a person can have? According to evolutionary psychologist from Oxford University, Dr. Robin Dunbar, the size of the average person's neocortex, the part of our brain responsible for sensory perception as well processing language and emotion, and concluded that our minds can deal with roughly 150 close connections. Within this number, one can break the connections down into categories according to intimacy. We tend to have a cluster of 10 close connections who round out our most important support network (Leaver, 2020). After that, we have around 35 individuals that we would refer to as "friends" if we ran into them at the store, but they are not people we would talk to every day. Then, we have 100 people that we would consider our acquaintances (Leaver, 2020). This core group of five people are the individuals that are essential to a person's happiness, self- esteem, and wellbeing. "Research by an academic called Susan Degges-White found that people with three to five close friends report the highest levels of life satisfaction" (Leaver, 2020). Since research demonstrates that five close relationships promote the highest levels of satisfaction, the goal for our caseload students is to have five strong relationships. This can be completed by introducing new relationships or improving existing relationships. How to Evaluate Ecomaps 21 YOUR STUDENT SHOULD HAVE 5 RELATIONSHIPS CHECK THE NUMBER OF RELATIONSHIPS YOUR STUDENT HAS This number can be found on their Ecomap. The goal is for your student to have at least 5 relationships. Make sure you continuously check in on your students and make sure that they have 5 relationships. If something changes, start the process over! If your student doesn't have at least 5 relationships, talk to them about the people in their life. Go through the activities to help introduce new relationships to your student. As your student's Site Coordinator, you should be listed as a relationship on your student's Ecomap. If you're not, figure out what you can do to strengthen that relationship! CHECK IN WITH YOUR STUDENTS! HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR STUDENT DOES YOUR STUDENT LIST YOU ON THEIR ECOMAP? YOU How to Evaluate Ecomaps 22 CHECK YOUR STUDENT'S ECOMAP Look at your student's ecomap and find the relationships that are listed as either stressed or broken. CREATE GOALS TO IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS Figure out ways your student can improve these relationships. Work through the Ecomap activities with them or help mediate a conversation between the student and individual. HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR STUDENT Talk to your student about these relationships. Ask them what is making them stressed or broken. Ask what needs to happen to turn these relationships into strong ones. CHECK IN WITH YOUR STUDENTS! Make sure you continuously check in with your students about the progress they are making in these relationships. Readdress the goals you created with them and try new activities if necessary. TURN YOUR STUDENT'S STRESSED OR BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS INTO STRONG RELATIONSHIPS Overview: The first step we all should take in forming a new relationship is recognizing what makes a relationship healthy or not. At Communities In Schools of Mid-America, we want our students to feel supported, respected, and cared for. For us, it is important to teach our students what makes a good relationship. These activities are designed to help our students recognize what a good friend is so that they know what to look for while forming new relationships. In addition, we want them to have the ability to recognize an unhealthy relationship when they encounter it. We also want them, themselves, to embody healthy relationship characteristics. Reminder, the word "Friends" in these activity sheets is an encompassing term that means friends, neighbors, teachers, classmates, family, etc. Activities for Healthy Relationships 1525 Objective: The "BE a GOOD Friend" activity is designed to help students recognize what qualities make any kind of relationship healthy. Activities for Healthy Relationships 1526 BE a GOOD Friend Activity Duration: Activity Type: Individual Group Materials/Preparations Copy of "BE a GOOD Friend" Worksheet To make this activity more interactive, do it with a group of kids! Have your students go through the worksheet individually. Bring the group back together and have the students act out the different scenarios. For example, have a student pretend to be sitting alone at lunch and instruct the other kids to approach that student. Use toys as an alternative option! Have your students act out the different scenarios with the toys. Have a discussion after each scenario about the actions your students took. Steps: 1. 2. 3. a. b. 4. 30 mins Toys Activities for Healthy Relationships 27 BE a GOOD Friend Three ways I could be a better friend: 1. 2. 3. Three ways I could be kinder: 1. 2. 3. What would you do 1. If you saw someone without a lunch? 2. If you saw someone playing by themselves at recess? 3. If someone from your class was being picked on? Activities for Healthy Relationships 1530 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. A GOOD FRIEND... 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. A BAD FRIEND... What Kind of Friend...? Page 2 Activities for Healthy Relationships 1531 What Kind of Friend...? Answer Key Cares about you and your problems Helps you when you are in need Is always with you in bad times Shares everything with you Tries to understand your problems Treats you in a nice and kind way Keeps secrets A Good Friend 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Talks behind your back Tells your secrets to other people Shouts at you when you make a mistake Only cares about himself/herself/themselves Doesn't listen to your problems Makes fun of you Doesn't help when you need it A Bad Friend 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Objective: The "What is a Friend" activity is designed to help students recognize what qualities make any kind of relationship healthy. Activities for Healthy Relationships 1532 What is a Friend? Activity Duration: Activity Type: Individual Group Materials/Preparations Copy of "What is a Friend?" Worksheet Markers Poster board/blank paper Have a conversation with your student(s) about what qualities make a great friend. After your students come up with three to five qualities, have them draw those qualities on their paper/poster. Have them share their pictures when they are done! Steps: 1. 2. 3. 30 mins Other craft materials relationship Skills Activities for Healthy Relationships Under each column of the positives and negatives of friendship skills, identify yourself with a: 35 S for sometimes, an A for always and an N for never. Take Turns Participate in conversations Start Conversations Value opinions Share Apologize appropriately Cooperate Help others Play fair Remain positive Don't join in unacceptable behaviors Follow the rules Show genuine concern Bullying Aggression (hit others...) Being bossy Arguing Interrupt others Name calling Whine Complain Showing off Dominating conversations Breaking rules Ignore others opinions Being a poor sport Objective: The "Relationship Building" activity is designed to help students recognize what qualities they possess that make relationships healthy. Activities for Healthy Relationships 1536 Relationship Building Activity Duration: Activity Type: Individual Group Materials/Preparations Copy of "Relationship Skills" Worksheet Zoom/Google Classroom/Skype Have your students go through the worksheet individually. Once everyone is finished, break your students up into groups and place them in breakout rooms. In the breakout rooms, instruct your students to have a discussion about the worksheet. After 5-10 minutes, bring the group back together and discuss as a bigger group. Steps: 1. 2. 3. 4. 20 mins Activities for Healthy Relationships 37 Relationship Building Rate Yourself Need to work on it........OK..........................Average..........................Good...................Excellent 1 2 3 4 5 Why are good communication skills important in good relationships? Why is it important to have strong, healthy relationships? Provide an example of a time where your listening skills were key to support a good relationship: What is your score for building and keeping relationships with friends, family, and important people in your life? Objective: The "How to Make and Keep Friends" activity is designed to help students recognize what qualities make any kind of relationship healthy. Activities for Healthy Relationships 1540 How to Make and Keep Friends Activity Duration: Activity Type: Individual Group Materials/Preparations Copy of "How to Make and Keep Friends" Worksheet Prepare definitions for each word beforehand Divide your students into groups. Assign each group one of the words from the worksheet. Tell the groups that they have 10 minutes to come up with a skit to perform in front of everyone that demonstrates their word. Have the groups take turns performing their skits and have a discussion after each one about their words. Steps: 1. 2. 3. 4. 25 mins Activities for Healthy Relationships 41 DATE : List the character traits (trustworthy, honest, good listener, cooperative, and compassionate) required to make friends. Beside each trait, explain what it looks like and why it’s important. Example: Inclusiveness - We include everyone when we play, work, or when we’re on teams. We value the opinions and contributions of others because we do not want to hurt the feelings of others. We want to treat others the way we would like to be treated. NAME : How to Make and Keep Friends Trustworthy Honest Good Listener Cooperative Compassionate Activities for Healthy Relationships 42 Objective: The "Spotlight Game" activity is designed to help students recognize what qualities make any kind of relationship healthy. Duration: Activity Type: Individual Group Materials/Preparations Copy of "Spotlight Game" Worksheet Red, Yellow, and Green item (Markers, toys, socks, stuffed animals, etc.) Read through each scenario from the worksheet. Instruct your students to hold up a red item for bad signs, a yellow item for warning signs, and a green item for good signs in a relationship. After they have gone through each sentence, have a discussion with your students about why they picked bad, warning, or good. Steps: 1. 2. 3. *This activity can be done virtually through Zoom! 20 mins The Spotlight Game Activity Zoom or other online video service Activities for Healthy Relationships 45 The Spotlight Game Page 3 These are bad signs in a friendship: Activities for Healthy Relationships 46 The Spotlight Game Page 4 These are warning signs in a friendship: Activities for Healthy Relationships 47 The Spotlight Game Page 5 These are good signs in a friendship: Activities for Healthy Relationships Self-Advocacy WORKSHEET Directions: As a young adult preparing for life after high school, it will be important for you to be able to communicate who you are and what you want for your future. This worksheet will be a simple reference you can use to build new relationships as you plan for your future and align the right people with the goals you've set for yourself. Fill in the blanks for the "elevator speech" and answer at least 4 questions under each of the sections. My Elevator Speech Hi, my name is __________________and I'm a Senior at ______________________ (School). I am considering __________________________as a possible career path. This school year my goals are ____________________(Attendance Goal). ______________________(Academic/College Career Goal). & _________________ (Personal/Wellness Goal). I'm interested in _____________________ & _________________________. This year I would like help wtih __________________________. I'm at my best when... I have dreams to... I learn best when... What motivates me most is... I stay grounded when I'm overwhelmed by... I value... I can express myself through... I communicate best when... I define success by... What brings me joy is... I'm naturally gifted at... I have to work hard at... I have my best ideas when... Self-Awareness: Who I am 1550 High School Students Activities for Building New Relationships 1551 Important choices I will make this year are.... I plan to respond to challenges by... I need to find solutions to... I will define success by.... This year I will practice leadership in... The following people are my thought partners and support system... Self-Determination: What I Want Self-Advocacy: How to Speak to My Needs I need to speak up for myself when... To accomplish my goals I need... Positive habits I can develop to improve my self confidence are... I can practice assertive (honest and respectful) communication with... Activities I can participate in to get my needs met are... If I have questions, need guidance, counseling, or advice at school I can talk to... I'm worth enough to persist in doing what is best for me, even when it seems impossible because... High School Students Overview: Since the goal of Communities In Schools of Mid-America is for all our students to have meaningful relationships in their lives, it is important to introduce new relationships when necessary. Forming new relationships can be a difficult task for some people. Many individuals might not know where to start. These activities are designed to help students form new relationships. They will help our caseload students increase their number of relationships to five. Reminder, the word "Friends" in these activity sheets is an encompassing term that means friends, neighbors, teachers, classmates, family, etc. Activities for Building New Relationships 1552 Activities for Building New Relationships 1555 WANTED: A TRUE FRIEND A newspaper is offering free ads for finding friends. Use the space below to list the qualities you are looking for in a friend and why those qualities are important. You will also need to include what they can expect from you in a friendship. NAME D A T E Objective: The "Building Friendships: Inviting Other to Play" activity is designed to help students recognize good ways to make friends. Activities for Healthy Relationships 1556 Building Friendships: Inviting Others to Play Activity Duration: Activity Type: Individual Group Materials/Preparations Copy of "Building Friendships: Inviting Others to Play" worksheet Have your student go through the worksheet. Have them act out each scenario After each, ask your students if it was a good way or bad way to ask someone to play. Talk to them about why it was a good/bad way. Steps: 1. 2. 3. 4. 30 mins Activities for Building New Relationships 1557 Building Friendships Inviting Others to play Circle each good way to ask or invite someone to play. Discuss with a partner why the ones you did not circle are NOT good ways to ask or invite someone to play. Would you like to play basketball at recess? I guess I have to play with you. My teacher said I have to be nice to you, so let's play. Hey, who wants to play baseball? We are going to the pool - want to come? We should all play this game together. I want to go to your house because you have better games. I love that game! Could I play with you next time? Hey kid, play ball with me now! Activities for Improving Relationships 60 NAME : DATE : List out the people you have stressed or broken relationships with. Then, write out one way you can make the relationship positive. Work to Improve Relationships Objective: The "My Feelings, My Needs" activity is designed to help students brainstorm ways to resolve their stressed or broken relationships. Activities for Improving Relationships 1561 My Feelings, My Needs Activity Duration: Activity Type: Individual Group Materials/Preparations Copy of "My Feelings, My Needs" worksheet Pass out copies of the emoji faces to each student. Have each student fill out the angry emoji face with what they feel when they are mad. Repeat for sadness and scared. Steps: 1. 2. 3. 30 mins Print out emoji faces that represent mad, sad, and scared Markers/pens/colored pencils/etc. Activities for Improving Relationships 62 NAME : DATE : What do you need others to say or do when you feel mad, sad, and scared? My Feelings, My Needs SAY DO SAY DO SAY DO When I feel MAD, I need you to When I feel SAD, I need you to When I feel SCARED, I need you to Objective: The "Barriers to Resolving Conflict" activity is designed to help students brainstorm ways to resolve their stressed or broken relationships. Activities for Improving Relationships 156 Barriers to Resolving Conflict Activity Duration: Activity Type: Individual Group Materials/Preparations Copy of "Barriers to Resolving Conflict" worksheet Ask your students to fill out the worksheet individually. After, have the students describe their previous conflicts to the group. Role-play and act out the conflicts. Discuss amongst the group ways in which the conflict could have been resolved differently. Steps: 1. 2. 3. 4. 30 mins Activities for Improving Relationships 1566 Even when our anger is in check and we listen appropriately, sometimes, barriers are still encountered. Some of those barriers include: Judging instead of sticking to the facts. Making a decision too quickly. Not taking ownership or responsibility for the problem. 1. 2. 3. Barriers to Resolving Conflict Describe previous conflicts you have encountered where these barriers got in the way of resolving the conflict and discuss possible solutions to these barriers: Objective: The "Conflict Prevention and Intervention" activity is designed to help students work through their conflicts. Activities for Improving Relationships 1567 Conflict Prevention and Intervention Activity Duration: Activity Type: Individual Group Materials/Preparations Copy of "Conflict Prevention and Intervention" worksheet Place your students in groups of 2-3. Have one of the students describe a conflict they have been involved in. They do not need to use names and can be ambiguous when describing the situation. As a group, have the students discuss the conflict and which strategies could have prevented the conflict. Steps: 1. 2. a. 3. 30 mins 15 What will you do if the solution doesn't work? Activities for Improving Relationships 70 Work it Out The Conflict: Each person will give "facts only" about their point of view, avoiding any hurtful actions. Point of View: Point of View: Looking at each point of view, re-state the conflict/problem: Each side provides 3 solution suggestions: Solution Suggestions: Solution Suggestions: Determine the best solution: Objective: This activity helps to create a supportive and affirming climate for youth in order to help them trust and “bond” with one another in group settings. This activity works well as an icebreaker where it is important for youth to be positive and affirming throughout the remainder of the year. *supply drop-off Activities for Improving Relationships 71 Brown Bags Activity Duration: Activity Type: Individual Group Materials/Preparations Small brown paper lunch bags Masking tape Colored marking pens An ample supply of notepaper Stickers (optional) Copies of the personal profile sheet (attached) Distribute a copy of the attached profile sheet to each participant. Allow 10 minutes for youth to answer the questions. When they’ve finished, tell them to put the page away somewhere because they won’t need it again until it’s time to go home. Distribute brown bags and markers. Tell youth to print their names vertically down the outside of the bag. Each letter can then be used to spell out something unique or descriptive about who they are. Allow five to 10 minutes (depending on group needs) to complete this part of the activity. Steps: 20 mins Activities for Improving Relationships 72 Brown Bags Activity Point out that while many people don’t know each other very well right now, during the time they’re together they’ll be getting much better acquainted. The things we say and do reveal things about the kind of people we are. For example: At first, most of us reveal things we’d like others to know about us. These things usually have to do with our “outer” selves and are similar to the kinds of things we’ve written on the outside of the brown bags. Usually, they have to do with the way we look and act our special talents and abilities, the kinds of things we enjoy doing, etc. As we begin to trust others, we start feeling more comfortable revealing other things about ourselves. These things are more like the things on the personal profile sheet—our attitudes, beliefs, fears, hopes, feelings, and secret concerns. Sometimes we deliberately hold back this information because we’re afraid of what others may think of us. It can be scary to share these kinds of things unless we feel we’ll be accepted. From now on it will be up to this group to create a trusting and supportive environment so people can get to know one another from both the inside as well as the outside. Explain how important it is to let others know we appreciate and value them. Unfortunately, in our culture, it’s more common to dwell on things we don’t like about people instead of focusing on positive traits and characteristics. Since we all need to feel valued and accepted, the purpose of this activity is to make sure that happens. Explain the following procedure for using the brown bags: Everyone will take a turn to introduce themselves by explaining what they’ve put on the outside of the bag. Afterward, all the bags will be taped to a wall. Steps Continued: Activities for Improving Relationships 75 Classified Ads Activity Distribute the worksheets and allow five to 10 minutes for youth to make up their own ads. 5. Collect all the ads and select a few to read to the entire group. (Be sure not to reveal the identities of those whose ads you read.) Ask youth for examples of how to meet people and form friendships instead of placing ads in newspapers. Steps Continued: Follow-up Discussion: 76 Describe the kind of person you would like your friend to be: Someone who is , , and List other qualities that describe the kind of friend you want and describe the way you would like to be treated by your friend: Must have and be the kind of person who will List hobbies and other interests you would like in a friend: Prefer someone who is interested in Describe the kinds of behaviors and actions you don’t want in a friend: Persons who need not apply. Describe something important about yourself: If you’re someone who’s looking for a person to be friends with, I’m that person! to be my friend Wanted: Someone who is happy, cheerful and good natured to be my friend. Must have a kind heart and be the kind of person who will be nice to me, talk to me, keep secrets and listen when I have something to say. Prefer someone who is interested in dogs, collecting stickers, and playing soccer. Persons who are mean, tell lies, and act stuck up need not apply. If you’re someone who’s looking for a fun-loving and honest person to be friends with, I’m that person! Wanted: Someone who is carefree, energetic and full of fun to be my friend. Must have a great sense of humor and be the kind of person who will never let me down. Prefer someone who is interested in roller blading, eating pizza, and going to the mall. Persons who smoke, whine a lot, and make fun of other people need not apply. If you’re someone who’s looking for a totally awesome person to be friends with, I’m that person! Activities for Improving Relationships Classified Ads Activity Sheet Wanted: Examples: Objective: This activity is about two-way communication. It illustrates the importance of speaking clearly and concisely and helps people understand the value of being able to ask for feedback and clarification when confused. This activity works well with any program or training session where communication skills are being taught. Age, elementary age, and older, including adults. Activities for Improving Relationships 77 Drawing With X's and O's Activity Duration: Activity Type: Individual Group Materials/Preparations Be sure to have a sufficient supply of paper and pencils available. Read over the directions carefully so you can explain how to do the activity and be prepared to lead the follow-up discussion Use a large sheet of paper to prepare a few illustrations of the kinds of drawings that can be done with X’s and O’s (see example). Explain that this activity is a fun way to learn why talking and listening both take concentration. Tell everyone they’ll need a partner so they can take turns giving each other directions for how to make drawings using only X’s and O’s. Use the examples you’ve prepared in advance to illustrate the kinds of drawings partners will be making. Go over the following instructions: Partners will sit back to back and there is to be no peeking at one another’s drawings. The talking partner is to describe what he/she is drawing so the listening partner can try to copy it—without seeing it or asking any questions. This means the talker must give very specific directions while working on the drawing. Steps: 40 mins Activities for Improving Relationships 80 How Did it Feel? Activity Have people find a partner. Then put up the flip chart paper or distribute individual copies to each pair. Explain that everyone will have a chance to choose one of the statements to talk about with his or her partner for five minutes. Emphasize how important it is to be the listener. Explain that when it’s your turn to listen, your job will be to encourage the other person to keep talking. It will mean really paying attention to what’s being said rather than jumping in to mention something you’d like to point out. Before beginning, allow a few moments for people to look over the list of statements so they can choose the one they want to talk about when it’s their turn. Tell the couples to decide who is going to be the talker and the listener for the first round of discussion. Give the signal to start and after five minutes tell everyone to stop. Have the couples switch roles for the next five minutes. Ask the group the following questions about their reaction to the exercise: What did it feel like to be the one doing the talking? What did it feel like to do the listening? Which was easiest—talking or listening? Why? How did it feel to know you could count on the other person to listen? What difficulties did you have trying to describe your feelings and experiences? What did your partner do to encourage you to keep talking? Ask the group to describe some things they learned from this exercise that will be important to keep in mind as they interact on a one-to-one basis with other people. Steps Continued: Follow-up Discussion: Objective: This exercise provides a structured environment in which youth can experience and express empathy. Intended for small groups of no more than 20 in settings intended to build trust and promote understanding. Time needed will depend on the number of youth in the group and how well they know each other. Age: Middle school aged youth and older. Activities for Improving Relationships 81 Secrets Activity Duration: Activity Type: Individual Group Materials/Preparations Index cards Pens or pencils Read through the activity carefully in order to be able to facilitate it without needing to rely on notes. Be prepared to contribute a secret of your own and participate in the activity with the other group members. Write the following on a chalkboard or piece of flip chart paper: “If I were this person I would feel . . . .” Make sure the following materials will be available: Have everyone sit in a circle and ask them to define what “empathy” means. Point out that an empathetic person makes an effort to “walk in another person’s shoes” by trying to: Think and feel with another person Look at things through the other’s point of view Relate to what the other person is experiencing without telling him or her what to do about it. Explain that this activity will give everyone a chance to experience empathy—from the perspective of receiving it as well as expressing it. Distribute index cards and pens. Tell youth to write a short secret about themselves that no one else in the group knows about. It can be something simple (“I had Cornflakes for breakfast”) or something more Steps: 30 mins Activities for Improving Relationships 82 Secrets Activity When everyone is ready, have youth fold their cards and give them to you. Be sure to let them know that you are adding a secret of your own. Shuffle the cards and place them in the center of the circle. Explain that group members will be taking turns selecting a card to read aloud. (It’s okay if a person draws his or her own secret since no one is supposed to know who wrote it in the first place.) Remind everyone of the phrase you’ve copied on the flip chart paper. Stress that empathy involves identifying with the other person’s feelings rather than trying to tell him or her what to do about them. So after reading the card, youth are to describe how that person might be feeling about the secret, and then ask others in the group to add to the list. (For example, “If I were this person, I would feel…depressed about not being able to go to the dance and envious because my friends all have dates.”) Ask if anyone has any questions. Then demonstrate how to proceed by taking one of the secrets, reading it aloud and describing how you think that person would feel. Continue until everyone has chosen and responded to a secret. If necessary, remind people not to give advice, but only to describe how they think the person whose secret they’ve drawn might be feeling. Once everyone has drawn and responded to a secret, ask the group members the following questions: What was it like hearing other people respond to your secret? What was it like trying to describe how other people might be feeling rather than giving them advice about what to do? Why do you think empathy is important? Point out that empathy and confidentiality go hand in hand. That’s why the things that have been shared during this exercise should not be talked about outside this room. Steps Continued: serious (“I don’t have a date for Homecoming). Youth should refrain from putting their names on the cards. Follow-up Discussion: Activities for Improving Relationships 85 Test Your Communication I.Q. Activity Answer Sheet: True 1. Communication can be intentional or unintentional. Ideally, we think about what we want to say— especially if we want to offer advice or provide constructive criticism. But sometimes we say things without thinking and often end up regretting it. The same is true of non-verbal communication. For example, a bored look on our face, or fidgeting and glancing at the clock on the wall lets the other person know we’re anxious to be doing something else. True 2. It is impossible not to communicate. Speaking or remaining silent, confronting or avoiding another person, smiling or showing no emotion at all—it all provides information about our thoughts and feelings. Whenever we’re with another person, we are communicating one way or another. Sometimes our bodies—and the things we do to them—communicate even louder than words. Our clothes, jewelry, hairstyles and even the cologne or after-shave we’ve splashed onto ourselves send messages to other people. This explains why even the most bizarre of fashion trends becomes important to teenagers who want to express things about themselves that can’t always be put into words. False 3. Communication is final. Once something has been expressed it cannot be erased. Even though we may regret what has been said or done, we cannot go back and undo it. Of course we can always apologize and can even try to explain our way out of a misunderstanding. But no amount of explaining or apologizing can erase what was said or done in the first place. False 4. Meanings are not in the words themselves. It’s a mistake to assume the words we choose are conveying exactly what we’re trying to say. That’s because the same word can mean so many different things. Much depends on how the speaker uses the word— and the way it’s interpreted by the person who hears it. Activities for Improving Relationships 86 Test Your Communication I.Q. Activity Answer Sheet Continued: False 5. Physical surroundings have a big impact on communication. We talk and behave differently based on where we happen to be at the time. For example, we might not talk about things while standing in the checkout line of a grocery story that we talk about while in a church or synagogue. Other things about our surroundings influence the way we communicate. Cozy furniture and soft lighting might help us relax and feel comfortable talking to another person. On the other hand, a crowded auditorium full of the sounds and excitement of a sports event probably isn’t the best place to be if you have something important to talk over with another person. False 6. More communication is not always better. While it’s important to keep the lines of communication open, too much talking can make a situation worse—especially if a person mistakes nagging for communication. Sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all. For instance, when we are angry or hurt there’s always a chance we’ll say something we’ll regret. It’s better to take some time to cool off and wait until we’ve had a chance to think about the things we need to say and do, before trying to talk to the other person. True 7. Communication won’t solve all problems. Being careful and attentive about what you’re saying is no guarantee that talking about a problem will automatically solve it—especially if it involves making difficult and emotional decisions. But talking can help identify feelings and concerns. Often the first step to solving these kinds of problems is recognizing how serious they are and knowing when it’s time to ask for help dealing with them. It’s also important to consider the consequences of being “brutally honest” about what you tell another person. Imagine that a friend asks for your honest opinion about a new haircut. You don’t have to point out that it makes her ears stick out and her nose look bigger. Instead you can honestly tell her that you liked it better when it was longer Activities for Improving Relationships 87 Test Your Communication I.Q. Activity Recall a time you said something without thinking and ended up regretting it later. How did you feel and what effect did your words have on the other person? Did you ever find an opportunity to apologize? (Don’t ask people to share their answers unless they want to.) Answer Sheet Continued: False 8. Communication is not a natural skill. Even though just about everyone is capable of communicating, that does not mean they are skilled at doing it. People often assume that “communication comes naturally” and so there’s no need to work at it. But like any other skill, communication can be strengthened through training and practice. True 9. Personal communication is essential for our well being because we need to communicate with people in order to form friendships and get close to the people we care about. Without those kinds of relationships, our physical as well as our emotional health will suffer. Medical research reveals that the lack of close, personal relationships can actually result in a wide range of health problems including high blood pressure. Satisfying relationships are important aspects of a healthy lifestyle, and personal communication is what makes those kinds of relationships possible. False 10. What happens during communication cannot be reconstructed. While it’s possible to remember some of what has been said, you can’t possibly remember everything. For example, how can you duplicate another person’s tone of voice or how nervous you might have felt while you were talking? Telling someone about a conversation you had earlier will not be the same as experiencing it firsthand. Follow-up Discussion: 1. Communication can be intentional or unintentional. Can be done in person (PowerPoint and white boards/markers) or virtually (PowerPoint and online video platform poll/chat box). Objective: Students will be presented a series of slides containing common beliefs about relationships. Students will scale how accurate they think each statement is from 1 (false) to 10 (true). The instructor will then reveal the correct accuracy rating and provide a reasoning behind the rating. Some follow up questions specific to the statement may be asked. Activities for Improving Relationships 90 Test Your Love Smarts Activity Duration: Activity Type: Individual Group Materials/Preparations Create the slides/presentation If a relationship or friendship is meant to be, it will just work out. Good relationships don’t require much work. Accuracy Rating: 1 (false) You are merging your own life, needs, wants, desires, dreams, and hopes, all of which shift and change over time and in response to various circumstances, with those of another person whose separate needs, wants, desires, and dreams also shift and change. How else is such a complicated endeavor possibly supposed to succeed unless you both work at it? How much work it actually takes might ebb and flow, but expect to invest attention and work even in the best of times. When are situations when this would be true? Not true? You should avoid voicing dissatisfactions with a friend or partner early on. Accuracy Rating: 4 (This is usually incorrect but depends on one’s communication skills.) Questions: 30 mins Activities for Improving Relationships 91 Test Your Love Smarts Activity The first stage of a relationship sets future expectations about the roles you each will play, your initiative levels, communication styles, and other relationship dynamics. If your partner is late to most dates, even by a little, and you say nothing, you message that you'll be OK with their lateness going forward. If you’re not okay with lateness, you need to speak up, even on the second date, and even if by voicing just a mild and constructive comment. When would this be true? Not true? If you’re truly happy with your partner, you shouldn’t need to be close to anyone else. Accuracy Rating: 4 (There is a minority of couples who are indeed happy this way, but for most of us it’s totally false.) This might be true if both of you are massively co-dependent but assuming you’re not, one person asserting this to his or her partner is either an attempt to control that person or just sheer ignorance about our basic psychological need for friendship and community. Many people use romantic relationships as a primary source of support but have other sources of support as well. When is this more true? Less true? People in good relationships don’t argue with each other. Accuracy Rating: 5 (Overtime and after years of problem- solving, couples in good relationships should argue less.) One of the most consistent and established research findings in all of psychology is that what matters is not if couples argue but how they argue. Productive arguments are those that avoid escalation and result in resolutions and mutually agree to takeaways for dealing with similar situations more productively in the future. Most couples should learn how to argue productively and practice the relevant skills if they want to change how they deal with conflict. Questions Continued: Activities for Improving Relationships 92 Test Your Love Smarts Activity Caution To Teens: Your romantic relationships should be mostly fun. If there is more fighting, sadness and problems than fun, take it as a red flag that this relationship is not worth continuing. When is this more or less true? If you find "the one" best friend, boyfriend or girlfriend, then you will be happy. Accuracy Rating: 1 "Although love can make you feel good, it should not be confused with happiness...If you care about your happiness, you should be realistic about the fact that love won’t always make you happy. Happiness will, however, affect your success in love. Happier people are more likely to get married. And research shows that the bigger the happiness gap between spouses, the more likely it is that they will get divorced....Rather than focusing on love as a route to happiness, perhaps it’s best to focus on being happy regardless of love, and then love and strong relationships will follow." When is this more true? Less true? You should learn to love your partner’s worst qualities. Accuracy Rating: 4 (you can love some of their bad habits- but not all of them.) "Some people have habits that are slightly disgusting and impossible to 'love.' Fortunately, loving your partner’s poor qualities and habits is not necessary. Instead, simply accept them and learn how to shrug them off and minimize their importance." When is this more true? Less true? Happy couples have fewer differences and argue less than unhappy couples. Accuracy Rating: 4 Questions Continued: Activities for Improving Relationships 95 The Balloon Game Activity Have everyone find someone they don’t already know real well to be their partner. (Or use whatever method you prefer to assign partners.) Once they’ve found a partner, people can choose their balloons. Before beginning the exercise remind everyone to use the following tips when they are doing the listening: Pay attention instead of letting your mind wander. Don’t interrupt to start talking about yourself. Encourage the other person to keep talking. Have the partners who will be talking first break their balloons and allow a few moments for them to retrieve their slips of paper. Then give the signal for the first round of talking/listening to begin. After three minutes, interrupt to repeat the process so the other partners can have a turn talking. Assemble the entire group and ask for examples of interesting things people learned about their partners. Was it easier to be the talker or the listener? Why? What were some things your partner did to let you know he or she was interested in what you were saying? What is it like to be an adult and not have to do what you’re told? What is something you really enjoy about being an adult? What is something you miss about being a child? Describe a time you got really angry at your parents when you were a child. Directions Continued: minutes to tell the other person about what’s written on the slip of paper found inside the balloon. Follow-up Discussion: Ask people for reactions to the following questions: Questions for Adults (for the blue balloons) Activities for Improving Relationships 96 The Balloon Game Activity What is something you did when you were a child that would make you furious at your own child for doing? What is something you have learned about life that you think everybody needs to know? What is one piece of advice you would like to give to kids? If you could go back and re-live one day from your own childhood, which day would you choose? If you could live your own teenage years over again, would you do anything differently? What is something you don’t like about being an adult? Why do you think some kids think it’s okay to drink alcohol? If you are ever a parent, what kind of parent would you want to be? Describe the way the inside of your locker looks. Explain why or why not you would like to have a son or daughter exactly like you. What age would you like to be and why? What is something you would like to change about your school? If you could give adults serious advice about raising kids, what would you tell them? Why do you think some kids are so mean to other kids? What do you think it will be like when you are an adult? What is something you think adults need to keep in mind about what it’s like to be your age? What kinds of things do you worry about? Describe something helpful or kind you did for someone else this past week. Questions for Adults (for the blue balloons) Children/Youth (for the green balloons) Questions for Anybody (other colored balloons) Activities for Improving Relationships 97 The Balloon Game Activity Describe something other people do that upsets you or makes you angry. Who is someone you really admire and why? What is something you enjoy doing in your spare time? If you could take a trip anywhere in the world, where would you choose and why? If somebody gave you $1,000 but told you to spend half of it on the other people in your family, what would you buy for them? If you could spend an afternoon with a famous person, who would you pick and why? If you had to move out of your house in a big hurry and could only take one grocery bag full of your things with you, what would you take along? Tell me about three things that make you feel thankful. Do you think it is ever okay to tell a lie? Explain why. If you could travel back in time to meet someone who lived in another century, who would you want to meet and why? If you could choose a different first name, what would it be and why? What is something you would really like to do before you are too old to do it? Questions for Anybody (other colored balloons) Continued: