I Wedding Bells, Lecture notes of Law

Download I Wedding Bells and more Lecture notes Law in PDF only on Docsity! ----------------- ---- - Volume XXXDC, Number 51The Only Defunded Twice-Weekly Newspaper of SUNY at Stony Brook ______ Tuesday, Apri 9,- Volume XXI, Number 51 Thie Only Defunded Twice-Weekly Newspaper of SUNY at Stony Brook Tuesday, April'9, 1996 - l -l I ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ W- qq-q~ air I M I---- M 1- M- | agl I I9~ ,1 3-SAnee :Page:DSen:.o £C. POLITY: V. P AND SENATOR:: ION sLOVPE .N.EST fare VRinging ford V.Pe. R~onerWedding Bells annu Shasho~ua Exclusive: Pho toss Inside $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 4:00 am.- A resident on the first floor of Schick College reported a large, wet booger on his finger. Resident refused treatment POLICE BLOTTER BY BEN 'THE UNABOMBERi VARGHESE Time unknown (actually, we were too lazy to record the time)- A fire was reported at the New Student Activities Center. Half of the building was burned to the ground. It's opening is delayed to somewhere in the year,2050. Friday, December 25 12:00 a.m.- Meny Chrstmas! Tuesday, April 2 4:35 a.m. (Why is there anyone up at A resident at Dreiser College complained of "uncontrollable diarrhea." Paramedics refused to treat the resident. 2:45 am.- Managers at Kelly Quad reported food taken out of the cafeteria by students. Security plans to take drastic action against the criminals. Tuesday, April 8 4:10p.m.- A student reported that a graduate TA in the Physics department refused the student academic assistance because he was "butt-ugly." Graduate TA fled upon arrival of police. 7:21 p.m.- A male resident reported that he had "something" in his pants. He said it "looked cool" 11:34 p.m.- Two male residents at Schick reported that they were "spanking their monkeys." Residents were gone upon arrival of police. E Finager Wednesday, March 24 1:00 a.m.- A blind resident at Kelly Quad gets plunger stuck up his butt'while taking a dump. The resident was transported to University Hospital via SBVAC. 1:57 am.- Ablindresidentescapes SBVAC, andruns into the woods with plunger still up his butt. Resident still remains to be found. Resident is armed and dangerous. Thursday, March 23 Time Known- A resident on the third floor of Hand College reported that he had been receiving threatsfromn'qheUnabomber." Residentcalled Crime Stoppers, and "Unabomber was finally apprehended. 2:13 a.m. (could've been p.m.; not sure)- A book bag, containing cocaine, LSD, Heroin, Ice, Marijuana, and a student ID was stolen from the Union Ballroom. Total value of the stolen 'items was this time?)- A student wasjogging in the football field, and was approached by three gunmen. The student closed his eyes and the gunmen were gone. 7:30 a.m. - A resident in Greeley College reported males farting through the telephone. 2:00 p.m.- A resident in Dewey College complained of multiple orgasms for no apparent reason. Resident was tansported to University Hospital. Wednesday, April 5 8:13 p.m.- Three gunmen held up the Polity Senate Meeting. Nicole Rosner, Dave Shashoua, andagavel were taken. Meeting resumed after ten minutes. 12:21 a.m.- A resident at Hendrix College complained that he had fallen and can't get up. 1:23 am.- mor A 6 IF YOUHAVEANY - 111 c 111 J.J f - INFORMATION REGARDING THESE INCIDENTS, JUST SHUT| drills at 2 a.m. for nothing but "shits and YOUR MOUTH AND MIND YOUR - giggles" said Stony Brook Fire Marshall - OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS! Bill. "Let me show va suntin'l" he ------- screamed as we briskly w- Club India, in light ol eruption of violence at their nt is renaming themselves Club president Ali Baba Hannousl (pretend you're in 7-Eleven), 'N me to do? I am only one person. been disgrace by this disturbing Polity has announced 1 of the Short, Fat, Baldin; Association. According "My Deara" Nadira Chat nothing she can do to prev from forming. Polity presi Hicks said, "White people to th' mutha. Pow'r t' th go, grrl! Kick dat flava! F Finally, Hicks has an formation of the "I Hate White People" Organization. The group now has nearly 2,000 members, all of which hold some paid position in Polity. E The L.G.B.T.A. (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Association) has changed it's name, but retained its acronym. The group will now be known as the Lost Girls and Boys Transit Authority. Teaching Assistants (TAs) will now be known as DAs (DumbAsses). In a related- story, graduate assistants (GAs) will be known as ODAs (Older DumbAsses). The Faculty Student Association has taken on a new name. The new acronym and name will be the FRuSSiA - the Faculty Rules and the Students Simply suck Association. Women is spelled women. Not womyn. Not wimmin. Not wymyn. WOMEN! (And- "girl" is "girl" -not grrl, not gurl. GIRL!) ... bunch of idiots. The president's office in the Administration Building will now be known as the Kremlin. DA! It's true. (Editor's Note: The reporter who broke this story has disappeared Perhaps that's because University Police has been renamed the KGB.) The Student Polity Association (SPA) is also changing its name. It will now be called TMIOANOIY - This Money Is Ours And None Of It's Yours. Said current Polity president Annette Hicks, "Nothing changes, really. It'll be the same as it's ever been. The students are really stupid." The - Latin- American Student Association (LASO) is keeping its name, but is undertaking a new theme: The Old West. As a result, they are i nde s c ri m i n an tl y changing their acronym to LASSO. HSO, AASO, and all the'other _SOs are forming a union called' the United Students Assocation the USO. SB-VAC (no one know what it actually stands for) is changing its name. It will now be known as the LSRH Last Stop on the Road to Hell. The Italian-American Club will now be known as We Are People, Too (WAP II). The Chinese American Student Board (CASB - kaz'- be) announced that their beliefs that Americans are all "decadent" was wrong. As a result, they are -changing their name to WANNA-B. Environmental Health and Safety admitted they have fire 2Schick Resident Discovers "Wet Booger" on New Names to Re: . I i E : - - - I - - l. He . we a_ . l + * -- --- --- -~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ; ' .~~~~~~~~~11 J I- -H -- hHI| I | t dXXXXXXXXXXXXdXXXXXXX. -jr I; I 5 Washington, DC - Saturday at midnight, as the nation changed its clocks back one hour, the nation suffered a major loss. The President and the Vice President of the United States suffered major injuries in a car accident, and died, a senior Capitol Hill reporter said. They were heading back to the White House, after eulogizing the r< from the tragic plane crash. I has two additional people tha and mourned. The person w President, is House Speaker (R-GA). Speaker Gingrich hag recently announced that he shal-ldppoint Rep. Sonny Bono (R-CA) as his VicePresident. Even though Bono was reluctant at first, he decided to be the Vice- Dnrooi Lnt anv14 unr A d nne,rIesAUlIt dlyway. tn, UilVl political commentator put it,_"Sony Bono has really sang himself into Washington." The fear within the Beltway is that now with Gingrich being President, and most Washingtonians knowing how vociferous he is, there is a good chance that he will be assassinated and Sony Bono will be President. . This is the first time in the nation's history both a President and Vice President died, and enabled the Speaker of the House of Representatives to emerge as President. According to a statute passed by Congress, when both the President and Vice- President dies in office, the Speaker shall then become the President. N-ow that Gingrich will be the president, he announced that he shall resign as Speaker, effective immediately. Gingrich's inauguration will be at noon today. The House Republican Conference then immediately nominated the House Majority Leader, Rep. Dick Armey (R-TX) as the new Speaker. Now this is the first time in abouthalf-century that the GOP has been able to dominate the US Government; it is iat most of (if not all) the ems, as spelled out in "The merica" will be enacted. le, with all of these political ounced that he will not seek blican Nominee for US President. In fact, he gave his unequivocal support to the new President, Newt Gingrich. It looks like that all of Dole's delegates will be sunnortine aGinouich's nomination for President. With a Republican in the White House and Republicans in Congress, the Democratic Party cannot find themselves a good enough candidate to challenge President Gingrich. As the Democratic National Chairman, Sen. Christopher Dodd (D-CT) said, "We cannot find anyone. I think we will end up in a brokered, deadlock convention in August. It will be the worse convention than our 1924 convention, where it took us 103 ballots to nominate a candidate." It looks like the Republican Party will be dominating the legislative agenda in the foreseeable future. Good Luck President Gingrich! O I | Disclaimer: This is our annual April Fool's Issue. The advertisements are real; the stories are as real as you want them to be. It is intende Ldto I be satire. If the Press can do it, why can t we'! - l ne Statesman Mlatt I - 1 095 RTE. 25A STONY BROOK NY 1 1790 751-9734 "esents (q w S & r > ::t 0 41 s 042 $W lu §- -r CD cK CL l k~- ,I:: 0-A F0 0\ J." hGn I." el+'I II - / - Pick up our Calendar for schedule of other events like *Ladies Night *Guys Night *Beat the Clock *Friday Night Blow-out and much more! i&_ , I . 5740 Sunrise Hwy. Sayville 563-1400 We accept major credit cards. Hours Mon -Thur 3 pm - Midnight Fri. 3pm-1 am Sat 10 am - 1 am *Sun 10 am - Midniaht :BRING THIS AD AND RECEIVE A FREE SOFT DRINK! not valid with any other offer 11 I Bill and Ail Die;Newt Is --- New Presidelt-- FISDA:" RFtlTY NITE Itw I I I Is 0 1 R | IESNITE Music by Li's Top Party Bands! hurs 4 /11 "CoDv Cat" 0 ,._ .OS . , 1G . u Sat. 4I 1 3Gue" - ": s owny OrOOK vign PR i and Midnight : vith College ID! ' - m, ,c .:-..: ...- ^ Tuesday, April 9th Please join us at 7:30 pm in the Alliance Room of the Library a Reception following the presentation Admission FREE The Public Is Invited to Attend For more information call: The Reverend Kate Lehman at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship office: 751-0297 or Linda Pfeiffer at the U.U. Campus Ministry office: 632-9476 Made possible by a grant from the Billings Fund of the Unitarian Universalist Association, this event is sponsored by the Unitarian Universalist Campus Ministry at Stony Brook. _> * ^-^^^-gg^, - *--* - April 12-14, 1996 _' ̂^ -^Stony Brook University The East Coasts Largest-Convention of Science Fiction, Fact and Fantasy -Media Guests Special Events -I Eta Phillips Bill Huml "Hflix" of "Louier" of Babya 5 V 3O WE -SS "WMll Robson" MERI II^M~HMge Oat@Werla A Duelists Convocation - Sanctioned Type I Tournament I . _ I * .. I Gaming -Authors -Anime- Comics LucasFilms Films- Art Show -Science& Technology Previews -the Children's Programming 20TH Anniversary re-release | Huge Dealer's Room - Cabaret - Cyberbar - Radio Theater - Model Rocket Launching ^^^^ Stargazing-Trivia Contest Sc Edition NWednesday April 10th - Last Day For Student Polity Box Office Membership Sales Memberships go on Sale at the Door Friday April 12th, 5PM at the ISC Need More Info Call 632-6045 - Or check out www.i-con.com 0~ A AVERAGE FINAI I ^QA ̂ --- Maybe our students are smarter, or maybe they're just better prepared. The Princeton Review is the nation's fastest growing LSAT course. And for good reason. We keep our classes small (8 to 15 students) so you're guaranteed plenty of personal attention. If there's a concept that you don't understand, our teachers will work with you until you do. And four practice exams given under actual test- taking conditions will help get you ready for the real thing. Look at our students' average final test scores, and you'll see how we measure up against the competition. Give us a call if you'd like your score to climb off the charts. THE j^P PRINCETON X- REVIEW (800) 2-REVIEW into.l@reviewcom Congregations t^ Societies" 1 . c>* *^ rA * - 0 1- I@ fS C\t I' CIS CA I < $ F^ td , 5. LAW SCHOOLS PREFER HIGHER LSAT SCORES. Plne Prwieeton lklvie is not (ffliated trithi Princetol Unirsity or E7S Mle Prineeto l.leview' ad Kaplant scores (are insed on sepamrle Ieloille andl Toche mid Price l'aterunise studies. Scor improvement rounded to nearest actual score: * ~~~~~~~~~~Nattmio 1 sti rawM coltrtesy of rSAC. I - - I~~I GAARD f-11O356-0552 I 0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ .. . . M m 4) 0 It 'm : "I 0 °K 42 D-Y* , -tE l 0- S= 0 CD w. cn IO 0 ..A \>° \C J 0 a* * hi, + r > + t v A: 70 - t "- * go ' A_ I 9 t- i- ------------------- - I L I 7 1 Spend 3 weeks with the IDF. Live and work alongside thpodung men & women of Tzahal. EVLwRE THE *SiaevOFIsIwe BEA MUL ! Ask about: ISRAEL ADVENTURE '96 & DESTINATION. . . .ISRAEL * Plus $100 application fee. Program includes round trip airfare from JFK New York, room and kosher board, tour and lectures. CALL TOMAYmt THE ̂ ADwNuTE OF A LFEIME ' (212) 643-4848 Volunteers for Israel * 330 W. 42nd St. 1618 New York, NY 10036 Phone (212) 6434848 * Fax (212) 643-4855 *Email: vol4israe1CaoLcom This program -past, prevent, and future - is partially subsidized by VT1 and Sarel *FREE local phone calls *F REEt Health Club Membership *FREE HBO & CNN *Meeting Rooms . *New Private Jacuzzi Rooms *Non-smoking Floors . . . *. .* *Closest Hotel to SUNY *Handicapped Accessible Rooms SPECIAL _ . . ,»brtSPECAL. - - tom as^^W **'.UNIVERSITY . "h77e Value Speaks For Itself' EX PR E.SSW * RATES : 1~ ' t' That doesn't mean you can't get insurance from a good, solid, reliable company. We have coverage la for ypriceddgf VriftnO ihllefordisl~b h'~lLi Allstate Insurance Conpany Coventry Commons Malt, 1320 Stony Brook Rd. Stony Brook, NY 1179GQ , Bus: (516)689-7770 Fax: (516)689-7236 bbiS~~~~i0X91_O N_~~~ A.Ib * 0 Join us this summer... V^JlNTEERS FOR ISRAEL t^{lE WORK-STUY!t 1 Part - Time Military Service with the New York Army National Guard can get you a: Full - Time Summer Job Part - Time Job during the School Year $10 000 Student Loan Repayment $6 900 Montgomery GI Bill $2 500 Cash Enlistment Bonus New York Learn While vou Earn! Go to school while you serve in the Guard! Call our Career Center, nnan 9s onurs oni-I at: 1 V/l\SlWUJ.L<» ®^as'^---*2 TEL (516) 471-8000 3131 Neset Highway Or 1-800-HOLIDAYP.O. So ax -(516) 4718623C---^'".^-- _> Fax (516) 471-8-623 Address : :___:_________-_: Daytime Phone .. -_ I: __-_-_-_V College Currently Aftending: -___-_____ __: Iam unable;to attend this Summer: Piease send me/nformatlon about: 0 Undergraduate Programs O Graduate Programs E Adult Collegiate Education Programs _ _ .^ '', , * " . * ' : . ' : ' .' : - ,, , . ' , 0 ST O N Y 96- :~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I i J- - I . I~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~O -.... Summer Programs Available For further information and application forms: Jody Dudderar Center for International Studies Rockland Community College 145 College Road Suffern, NY 10901 (914) 574-4205 R o CeK L A N D A Commun711 ity C o/le~ge of the) States Un~it ersit of N\et Yorum xc - - - . - "v - i .7 z ; .- - - - t I x1 -a- I; - - - L-0- I m I I I 10 * Distinguished faculty, state-of-the art facilities, affordable tuition and more than 450 courses make -our Summer Program a great choice. / l :I-: . -:--You can spend vnur npxt i -:::0 :-: - : 0 0 -;~~' ~~; ~r- WIe WI I 1, Iz zmester Abroas! :-S -m - 0x-: Li~ve: and study overseas. Earn up to 1 8 college credits at a SUNY institution Cost- for tuition, room and board under $6,000 for most programsC-. 4At* ^0 T-l >-b £ t8 $-4 9o a <-^ Foreign language proficiency I not required Federal financial aid applicable 10 0 :: t/#: : a: : a : ; :: 0 : - : : : I \I / a/Use SUMMER SESSION I- FOUR WEEKS \ Monday, June 3, to Thursday, June 27 SUMMER SESSION 11-SIX WEEKS Mnday, July 1, to Thursday, August 8 Call 718-997-5890 for an application and a bulletin, or return the form below to: Queens College, CUNY, Summer Session Office, Kiely Hall 703, Flushing, NY 11367-1597 AA/EOI El Please send a Queens College Summer Bulletin Name / ; -- - Summer Session 1996 This summer, attend Colorado State and earn credits during our 4-, 8-, or 12-week terms. Courses begin May 13, June 10, and July 8. No formal admissions requirements., Call 1-800-854-6456 for a free Summer Class' Schedule or Summer Bulletin - f^^ i-:: -0 d o ': --te: .:-:0:; 0 0 . Univers ity :Stay at ;Stony BrookST H-1 * Try something new :# Make up a course * Ease your fallcourse load ; #-0Speed up your graduation + Earn up to 18 credits ; + Choose from 243 courses Pick up your Summer Session Bulletin here Student Services Officee Student Orientation Programs- Center for Academic Advising * Summer Session-s Commuter Student Affairs Office s Undergraduate Evening Studies/Transfer Office Approximately 3,000 Ross Alumni are Currently in Residencies or Private Practice In The U.S.A. E E_ IIP llj ok I r ---------- ------------ ------------- ----------- ------ ------- - _-^*^ ^Tis 4,^ ^ April 12-14,1996 a - - Stony Brook University The East Coasts Largest Convention of Science Fiction, Fact and Fantasy 'I~~ Wednesday April 10th - Last Day For Student Polity Box Office Membership Sales ,mesi g M~emberships go won Sale at the Door Friday April 12th', 5PM4 at the ISC - . m II =I - V* -0 *0. - W !-t@a ao e * 0 0 0 0 0 0 0@ 0 0 0 4 4 4 4 4 1 1 1 1 1 not An advertisement -- for enteramment purpuose Uoiy ; he Fabulous - - ,UNY SLICER!*. w * * -0 : * . 0 0 0 .0 0 0 0 a * Cuts the toughest budget! . * - ~ ~ ~ ~ . I * ; Slices through the thickest bologna!-'*Slices through the thickest bologna!1 * * ;*a * . . 0 0 O' 0 * Amputates those annoying appendages! I * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~W. Q *- wad A s ' I'S IN'a - :' : . * T V "a J}.o _ : Special Offer to Stony Brook Students - * OnlmV u)69.» (hey, everything else went up ) .0 - Order yours today and get a :Bonus FREE BudgetAx! *($29.95 value) * (executioner not included) 0 0 0 0 0 0 10 0 0 0 - a---*-**@--@ @ @ @ @@@ -@ 11 pbtals in the U.S. ic sclence facilities EICENE ools MPh.D faculty * Graduates licensed & practicing i'n * High pass rate on U.S. Med Licensing Ex * Medical School Curr mation, Call or Write: ROSS UNIVERSITY 460 W 34th Street, New York, NY 10001 Phone (212) 27-5500---~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ -- -- - -_---___----___---_.__-- _.._ _ ._ . _ HOURS: Everyday 1 OAM to Sundays 10AM to *STAR TREK *DR. WHO *TOYS *SCIENCE FICTION *POSTERS AND T-SHIRTS oJAPANIMATION *VIDEO TAPES *MODEL KITS *ouArAt:l _ THE GATHERING Anime- GamingArtists ComicsAuthors Mike Stackpole Margaret Weis Liz Danforth Robert Dubios Paul Sudlow Eric Trautmann Peter David David Montoya Joel Orbeta John Ostrander Louis Simonson Steve Stern AnimEigo Neil Nadelman Steve Pearl Lorraine Savage Toshifumi Yoshida Mike Ling Doug Beekman John L. Coker III Liz Danforth Tom Kidd Vincent DeFate Gnemo George Alec Effinger Damon Knight Kate Wilhelm Alan Dean Foster Barbara Hambly Nancy Kress James Morrow Timothy Zahn Julius Schwartz Helen Collins Ellen Datlow Michael Kandel Eric Kotani David Kyle John Lee Barry Malzberg Terry McGarry Sam Moscowitz - John Norman John Peel Conrad Ruppert Bud Sparhawk - Mike Stackpole Margaret Weis rid v 0 0 $W l Is 4- m Su 0-3* 1= Science & Technology Charles Pellegrino, Thomas Kelly, Yoji Kondo, Dr. John D. Brantley, Dr. Gary Halada, Dr. James Hayward, Dr. Elizabeth Mezzacappa, Emmanuel Goldstein and Phiber Optik Dr. Chirakkal Krishnan - Chemistry Magic Wizard Need More Info Call 632-6045 Or check out www.i-con.com FOURTH WORLD COMICS 35 ROUTE 111 (WALDBAUiM'S SHOPPING CENTER) SMrllHlOWN, NY 11787 I I i II r, 41 4 L4 4 4 s \ lb ; I, i I 4 X 10.6 5 I h- 3s- =1 12 ---------------------------....- Oh sr ilokRs nnocent. But it could be "MIeoyd io a no;-name compy tha ha o q|ual ~S aot overchargn broke college, students..^ So, calling: card in hand, you diall1 800 C.ALJL AjTT and save yourself some miCh-needed/cash. ^ -~~~~ ( \ I II Know the Code. 1 800 CALL ATT. That'sYour True Choice. Your True Choice, e196AMTa - A MATTER OF OINK A .. - 0a - 4I pm. .Pay your deposit :betweenDate ---- I STON bROOK S0690 iTA E I I~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 't5 : : : :: : D: :: D 0 : : : .: S ::; D :tV V : f:0 ::: At :: : C: a: a; 7 :: T: : : : g : : A An: : :: f ::: : HE : :E : . : :0 :: ; : 0 ::: D : If . : : : : : : : 0 A:;: S: An: 0:: : r» Is 0^ <- ?a: ^ r IF 0-( 7 >,a pa ^0 I0 - -t <-» *^) Kelly cafeteria chanting, "We are women, hear us roar; if you don't like our food, then go to - the store!" T h e------- si t u a t i o n almost turned gruesome when four public safety officers appeared on bicycles and attempted to move the protest outside. With their trusty firearms at side, our fearless finest managed to control the situation by playing the death scene of Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet," as the state budget did not allow for tear gas. To put an end to the incessant bickering of cafe-goers, Project WHAM (Women who Hate the Average Male) hosted their second annual meeting, debating on the virtues of military jackets over combat boots as part of the new image of women cafeteria workers. However zealous, their resolving efforts proved fruitless and it was settled that either combat boots or a military jacket would be good, but that both would be better. Taking the higher ground, an article in FOCUS, the campus feminist journal, entitled "Why We Eat: New Theories on an Old Habit," discussed many of the common misconceptions about eating, -posing that the desire to eat might be innate, using -the term "hunger" when referring -to this craving. It was also suggested that the food on campus, which does not seem to solve the said problem of "hunger," might not be the food of choice for persons wishing to control their weight. So there you have it, up to date. At this point, all this writer can say is that it is still anybody's game. After what has transpired in the past week, it is virtually impossible to predict where this case is going. Will the new workers take over the cafeterias? Will they take over Stony Brook? The best advice, still, would be to stay away from-the cafeteria. If the food doesn't get you, THEY will. O If your c If your class last name .year is begins with Monday:, April 8th Tuesday, April 9th Wednesday, April 10th Thursday, April I Ith Friday, April 12th Monday, April 15th Tuesday, April 16th Wednesday, April 17th Thursday, April 18th Friday, April 19th U4 and all Grads U4 and all Grads - U3 U3 U2 U2 U2 UlUO UlUO Ul, UO L-Z A-K L - Z A-G H - N 0 - Z. A-G H-N A - Z 10 am -4pm 10 am - 4 pm 10 am - 4 pm 10am -4pm 10 am - 4 pm 10 am -4 pm' 10am -4pm 10 am - 4 pm 10 am - 4 pm 10 am - 4 pm 10am -4 pm STATE U NIVE RS ITY 0 F -N E W .YOR K Men and Food Are Add -(So, what else is knew?)- DIVISION OF CAMPUS RESIDENCES ROOM SELECTION 1996 -1997 In order to p articipate in the room selection process all residents must pay a $200 deposit and clear their University account in full. Following are the payment instructions for this years process. You are strongly encouraged to read and follow these instructions carefully in order to successfully select a room. assignment for the 1996 - 1997 academic year. Should you have any questions about the room selection process Campus Residences staff will be available in the second floor lobby of the Administration Building between April 8th and April 19th. PAYMENT INSTRUCTIONS: Listed below is a payment schedule, for this years room selection process. Review the information and identify your scheduled payment period. At your scheduled payment time you must:. 1. Bring your room selection- application to the Bursar's office in the Administration Building.. 2. Pay 'a $200 room deposit to the Bursar. Make checks- payable to the 'the University at Stony Brook. The Bursar will also accept payments in the form of cash, money order., Visa. Mastercard, or Discover card. 3. If your University account indicates that monies are owed, the Bursar's Office will notify you of the outstanding balance. You. will be provided with an account balance and requested to pay that balance as well. 4. Once your deposit is paid (and your account is cleared), the Bursar will validate your application and return it to you, 5. Place your validated application in a safe place until you are ready to select your 1996-1997 room assignment. 6. SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS FOR AIM/EOP STUDENTS: Although AIM/EOP students are not required to pay a $200 room' deposit their housing application must be validated, and they must clear their University account if monies are owed. To validate your' housing application, bring your application to the Office of Campus Residences between 10am and 4pm, April 8th - April 12th or April 15th - April 19th. A Campus Residences staff member will validate your housing request. If you'owe a balance to the University, the staff member will direct you to the Officef of Student Services to obtain a bill, and subsequently to the Bursar to pay the b ill. : '. .':: ' : : - ; ' . ' : .: ' .- 7. SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS FOR 1996 -1997 RA s:., Although RA s are not required to pay a $200 room deposit, their housing application must be validated, and they must clear their University account if outstanding monies are owed. To validate' your housing application, bring your. application to. the Quad Office where you will be an RA next year between April 8th - April 12th and Apri. 15th - April 19th. The Quad Secretary will validate your housing request. If you owe a balance to-the University, the staff member will direct you to the Office of Student Services to obtain a bill, and subsequently to the Bursar to pay the bill. 1996-1997 Room Selection Payment Schedule: J. TIBERIUS KIRK While many were sunning in lands far, far away, Spring brt ak was a time for much civil unrest here on campus. It all started whern ARAMARK announced that as part of a newly imposed Affirmative Action quota, no men could be hired to work in: their cafeterias until the ratio of men to women became less than 1:3. . Ms. I. M. Manly, director of Campus Comestibles, a subsidiary of the Faculty Student Association, stated that "[t]he quota is important because otherwise women will stop eating and therefore won't be able to perform their everyday scholarly activities - and women need to have equal opportunity." Its bad enough that the food is indigestible, but the all-too-common presence of men only serves to force women toward bulemia," continues Manly. ''The entire concept of food was one created by men as a thinly guised plot to subordinate women, and successful at that, has lived through since ancient times, where women are still often found in kitchens..It is men who make women feel fat so that they can sell us products to make us thin." Upon notice from Ms. Manly, Mr. Markus Brownit, director for campus ARAMARK services, took the pro-active route and hired 30 more women to the positions of cooking4and cleaning. Shortly thereafter, problems began when students complained about the quality of the food. Unbeknownst to the newly hired workers, these complaints were nothing personal but an enduring five-year-long habit of cafeteria-goers that has shown to be consistently unyielding, explains Stew Nogud,: a student activist and regular complainer. "Perhaps next year we won't have to follow through with this tiresome ritual," Nogud adds. Despite the'complainers attempts at consolation, the new femworkers insisted that it' was just another attempt. a at making women feel inferior, and maintained their assumption that the complaining was on the sole basis of their gender- not the poor quality of the food. In response to these attacks, the femworkers marched inside the lobby of To Blow or Not to Blow Ever wonder if you should swallow or spit? Well, you're not alone. Many USB students face the same dilemma day in and day out. In the past, there weren't any health professionals readily available to discuss students' concerns. But that situation has now been (e)rectified. The University Counseling Center, located on the second floor of the Student Health Center, has established "Fun With Fellatio," a weekly support group that will address concerns and allay fears regarding oral sex. All are invtited to attend. Topics of discussion will include different techniques of oral pleasure, the 1001 uses of the tongue and why swallowing is so much better, if for no other reason than to avoid the mess. "Fun With Fellatio" will meet Monday nights, immediately following the "Crazy Over Cunnilingus" seminar. O -4 I - - -I - JAMES W. CO] ATTORNEY) FORMER ASSISTANT DI' Criminal tfX Felonies j -DWI UU Drugs FREE INITIAL C01 HOME/DORM CONSULT? Federal Plaza Suites, 300 Rabrc (516) 232-( . CAMP COUNSELORS Tri mrdown Fitness, coed camp located in the Catskill Mts. of NY. All Sports, Water Skiing, Canoeing, Ropes,; Lifeguards, Crafts, Dance, Aerobics, Nutrition, Kitchen, Office. 120 positions. Camp Shane (800) 292-2267 BRADY BUNCH RE-CAST In a surprise last minute casting decision, Tri- Sun Pictures has fired the cast of The Brady Bunch Movie and has replaced them with a motley group of college students for the sequel, A Very Brady Sequel. Rumors are flying, but inside sources indicate that the inexperienced students- -were cast because of their refreshing faces, positive attitudes, and, in some cases shiny bald heads. "We are extremely excited about these new Brady's,".says Sherwood Shwarz, creator of the original -show. "Here's why: The new Mike and Carol are a beautiful couple; Greg .is finally the hippy we always meant him to be; Peter's -3-- -high voice will now be easily ?RIGAN III explainable; Bobby is, well, kT LAW STRICTATTORNEY Bobby; Alice was getting Wils Etaents boring; and as for Marcia, Jan Real Estate Closings Vehicle & Traffic and Cindy, -well, heck, that NSULTATION MONS AVAILABLE Cube guy can do it all.9 L ) Drive, Hauppauge, NY 0178 fiffill IIIRMWIILVIM

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l it- ..- I' I~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A ^jj^L-ijmiiijjH I i C lassifieds 17 EMPLOYMENT Bartenders, Waiters, Wait- resses and Counter Help. Ex- perience necessary. Apply in person, Monday-Thursday af- ter 3 at the Park Bench, 1095 Rte. 25A, Stony Brook ALASKA EMPLOYMENT - Fisheries, Parks, Resorts now hiring! Earn to $3,000- $6,000/mo! Airfare! Room/ Board! FREE VEDEO w/pro- gram! State Licensed Ser- vice. Call (919) 932-1489, ext. A101 - - ENVIRONMENT $335/WK SAVE L.I. ENVIRONMENT Join the L.I. Neighborhood Network's local environmen- tal campaigns. FT/temp/ perm. Bnfts, paid training. Massapequa/Smithtown. EMPLOYMENT EARN $10/HOUR WEEKENDS SUFFOLK COUNTY RESIDENT Leading environmental group seeks petition gatherers for weekend work preserving the environment and advancing democracy. Registered voter or willing to register. April and May only. Call immedi- ately. 262-0241. Waitresses, Waiters, Big Barry's, RTE 25, Lake Grove. Learn how to become self-em- ployed!! Earn up to $500 weekly stuffing envelopes. For more info send $2.00 plus S.A.S.E. to Shade Hill Enter- prises P.O. Box 3169 East EMPLOYMENT WANTED: Keyboardist and/ or bassist for already working black metal band. No egos, nuts or druggies, please. You don't have to be a pro. Trans- portation a must. Influence: Emperor/Dark Throne/May- hem/Satyricon. Call MARC at (516)472-5372. Leave a message. Personable outside so- licitor wanted. Stony Brook insurance office needs someone to distribute literature in local area. Sal- ary and commission. (516) 689-7770. - Babysitter needed for 2 chil- dren in my Setauket home, flexible hours, transportation and experience necessary, EMPLOYMENT Eastern Europe Jobs Teach basic conversational English in Prague, Budapest, or Krakow. No teaching cer- tificate of European lan- guages required. Inexpensive Room & Board + other ben- efits. For info. call: (206) 971- 3680 ext. K51791 Now Hiring - P/T positions available. Q-ZAR - 563- 1400. The Princeton Review seeks intelligent, dynamic, or- ganized people to teach test prep courses. High test scores, B.A. required. $16/ hour to start, part-time, flex- ible, long-term opportunity. Send resume to: 775 Park Avp- Riintfinoft»n TV 11 7AR FOR SALE IBM Computer, 486 DX266, 420 MB Hard Drive, 8 MB of Ram, 14.4 Data/Fax modem and Software. $700 or Best Offer. Call Dan at 718-896- 0001. Motorcycle paraphernalia for sale. Leather jackets,- leather gloves, helmet. Call 666-8107. TRAVEL EUROPE $169. Caribbean/Mexico $189. R/T Be a little flexible and saveI We'll help you beat the airline prices. Destinations worldwide. AIRHITCH® 800 326-2009 FOR SALE 5 Acres - Delaware County New.York. Camping, hunting, fishing, boating. 'Beautiful mountain views. All level with private road frontage. Walk to Delaware River. Secluded mountain acreage. $10,000, ne- gotiable. 666-8107, evenings. 632-6480, days. Ask for Frank. Rear window for Nissan pickup. Smoked tint. $75. Call Tom at 595-8741. REDUCED THOUSANDS I Heart of Port Jefferson Village 2 bedroom penthouse w/ Harbor waterviews. European kitchen, skylights. Why rent? Asking $109k. Call Carol Bartholomew Cornell/Petsco 751-3311 ext. 123 I have been alive for 8 weeks. * After 18 days, you could hear my heartbeat. * After 40 days you could measure my.brainwaves. * After 45 days, I felt pain and responded to touch. Please choose life for me- Alternafives to Abortion Free pregnancy testing, Information, cousisllng, and assistance Call 243-0.66 or 929-3447, or we Birthright volunteer C. Frost, Humanities 142A *CLUB GETAWAY, A LUXURY CAMP -SPORTS RESORT IN KENT, CT. (90 MILES FROM NYC) *MONDAY TO FRIDAY PROGRAMS WITH ALL WEEKENDS OFF *SEPARATE STAFF CABINS -NO BUNK RESPONSIBILITIES *POSITIONS AVAILABLE FOR MAY/JUNE POSITIONS AVAILABLE FOR JULY/ AUGUST .M Nt m V) #-t 0 °a l 5 44 42 0 SW F P 0-3 I-+* NO *Waterfront * Lifeguard * Boat Driver * Tennis * Mt., Biking * Rollerblading * Hiking *Ropes Courses * Emcee * DJ Team Sports *Arts & Crafts *and more... "Club Getaway New England's Premiere Sports Resort" For Application and Interviews Call Roy Harris at (718) 746-3383 L. 00 I IM
r IA 20 wi "lo C)§; . l r." ¢ - -IQh Cat I: -̂td w a" a I* ta 44- I I YOUTH AND ADULT LEAGUES - NOWRFJNEM19 s - FOR JUNE 1996 X Hot Pocketes And Lean Pocketes Are Stuffed Full Of Good Stuff!- Brand Brand * Pepperoni Pizza t Ham 'N Cheese o Sausage & Pepperoni Pizza Deluxe _ Tm.-L _ _.1_ _ .__ -.m11-.1^-- A _r__B _. _11- _- _-_ 1 u -- O _ * * iccon cc Lneese Chicken Fajita I The above picture shows: a.-) Kenny throwing a tennis ball at a dunking tank in the Staller Pit b.) Kenny showing active participation in Stony Brook events. c.) Kenny trying to show off her sexy buns. I I I I I 0 -I I - Il I - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -I- - - - - - - __j x. I I 0I I RAt- t-n l~-N I ='D C 1 11 V II -1 Oor, I I MILi. LUUIUN I tAInltb JULY 01, ivuo ,'Save $1.00TWN I when you buy any 2 packages of I I r T _ 1 _ ( _» .I 1 _ -- i:Not Focketgs or Leam Fockets,,-,940 „. ; Brand Stuffed Sandwiches Brand Stuffed Sandwiches199 11 (any combination) : This coupon good only on purchase of product indicated. Any other use constitutes I fraud. COUPON NOT TRANSFERABLE. LIMIT: ONE COUPON PER PURCHASE. To the | I | retailer Chef America will reimburse you for the face value of this coupon plus 8¢ if sub . - | m | itted in compliance with the term of this offer. Valid only if redeemed by distributors of I * our merchandise or anyone specifically authorized by Chef America. Cash value 1/200. l l a| Mil to Chef America, CMS Department 43695, One Fawcett Drive, Del Rio, TX 78840. 5 3ev O 33OO 3" 2 Professional Style Rinks - Sport Court Surface A~that They Promised... THINK WE GOT~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ .4 *41 .9 5 on 5 Play,- NIHA SANCTIONED CALL NOW - 7 DAYS A WEEK 361-2023 -67-6552 620 Middle Country Road, St. James. NY (formerly Spaceplex) Hockey Patners nc. along with BulIdog Hockey Is Looking For Long Md8 Best Owen Ome Hockey Player. vA=_ A Register Now Fop L10 d l.t 18 Peier Rodor/Deik P J E ~~w~~~~ Ages 1 0 to Adult - v v v He g : c w r #I- C -CVr . t : To 1 1-790is Or 0 Iw 44 #I+ *m* AR ». ?a :3 CD) 'IO I \0 0 ____me 21 LED yj~Ijiiii:>ggi~i~nag3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ wnat the n ll is this? if you can identify what's happening in this picture, please call us at 2-6479. We need to know - you know, in case it's important or something. It Pm <)AX RETURNS ^ACCOUsNTING SERVICES * FINANCIAL -PLANNING *>FINANCIAL ADVICE ~98 SYCAMORE CIRCLE, STONY BROOK, NY. , , _ fi _ _ .~~~~~~~~~~~ 111 10(516)I 71 -6421.1 I .I : *CERTIFIED PUBLIC ACCOUNTANT *INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE - 30YEARS MEMBER: YASSOCIATION OF GOVERNMENT ACCOUNTANTS 0NEW YORK STATE SOCIETY OF CERTIFIED PUBLIC ACCOUNTANTS *:-22 - ' f .h .V. .:: a S a . ........ . ,;f,; ...N.. --0 f {; ...A,..ov~~~~~l. .v .N~~o'v. aidS ..' Str. ...........'...... X"IN 7 l :: : ! : '' ' 0 ' 0 'l .0$.t " . f"' of . . .: ... * ...... ;^ - :e^ 4 ........ ;S111 LI Sa^-"'"^"-si