International GCSE (9-1) English Language A Exemplar ..., Study notes of English Language

Download International GCSE (9-1) English Language A Exemplar ... and more Study notes English Language in PDF only on Docsity! International GCSE (9-1) English Language A Exemplar Responses 3 Paper 1: Non-fiction Texts and Transactional Writing Section B: Transactional Writing 4 1 eo Wwe, Conk. execcsse.. Fea... UND, COP AO... CLLR Hag... OI... WOLLMA,... Bais, coutd potentially... Ldlnet..aecct.is tbo ne €. cancer rectly... Salve..ds quad coke... formula, tour. Cay, LAVOE... bo. WSO. UE eecaure..\am.loed..\aou.nd), dese... CU to. ema hawing. See aus heactk.prolams,...Cram.... . CrvlAlnoad..or. Lan Ly ocludblaced..cbessty. O ‘Prioudly FMD AS oc. ANOC 8S =. COS... SELNANG 5. NOW Lore COM ORL. ASMALEL.V M...€ nd USRNY..BAND.... co Lagced Anak Ke, Comen..c..POU.d..cue nee ke Years. CANOE... LSS. Ua. fanvely FAR our. feare, ound eegen to male. docisrans. curselug. Hepe fatty Ercoughouk. owt cadlraed... coe nang (ware. 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TR wood V3 your tt ont 40% pu A SWreak — MOULIN OY... pring tak ef fot IO t0 cre world ty so wines a oe abl fo WAAR Away - aa eee BOs110N. Tk epoucakes.t MO AMAR. . The Untertyat 1S a very s(CR ond gorgorsen | wort las 3 Zt... on Wed use pd cinch perhaps. Meise Kom’. Pak Mow CA LOIE has. KUNA. AACR, 10g », EVEry NOL mort sania YO NON... NE _—— SS plots ond false ace oh WORK =O face WINER boeing Or OM ce S WAGE pWAI USLA tO Ag |) 26Wh ‘thak, Mone. lorochere Grom. HE hoi Shop. toMol- CC Your wotld rs. YOM, CYSEER « MARS ENE. moth oy at 13 Question 6 Answer 1B2 The candidate has responded to Question 6, a magazine article on which views are sought on whether there is any point in travelling when places can be seen on television and the internet. The title uses a command and is in capital letters to emphasise this: 'OPEN YOUR EYES!' This leads into the next command to 'Look at the modern world today'. The syntax is effective in creating the tone and perspective of the piece, with the short statement 'Ignorance' and the repeated command 'Look at the world'. The piece has clear organisation, with the opening address to the reader to look around, the move away from smartphones and the magazine and then the reasons for visiting countries. The last section is slightly away from the purpose of the piece as it is more about the dangers and negatives of the internet than travel, but the focus is brought back to the topic of travel at the end to close the piece. The ideas are linked to the purpose and audience and there is a clear opinion on the topic. The ideas are communicated clearly, but could be more successful with more development and focus. There is clear use of literary features to interest the reader, such as: alliteration in 'humans stand silently side by side' and 'well beaten track bores the brain'; use of the 'rule of three' - for example, 'bright illuminating and exquisite colours' and 'spicy, exotic and perhaps poisonous food'; and metaphor, for example 'It exfoliates the mind' and 'Your world is your oyster'. The reasons for travel are fairly clearly but briefly communicated - to experience the natural world, to have new experiences, to 'exfoliate' the mind. There is a cursory comment on the potential cost and the potential to miss family but this is countered by 'all the goodness that comes out of it', although this is not explained in detail. The audience is addressed through varied syntax and is involved through questions, 'so why not visit them?' Communication in the piece is clear throughout, although in a few places the language use is a little unusual but not explained, for example the exfoliation of the mind and the being led into 'several sleeplessness [sic]'. This is a broadly clear realisation of the task and there is a clear sense of purpose and audience. The form, tone and 14 NO Oe eS Pan OLOZ Ln. MAO... lose ar awe LQ fis SBR meal Cus Gna ON. A WUD... BOY ee, MAINS, ore oii the, Uthhe.. nolo on We... Pnan,.. COMM... bOOKL... 0... Spon tan whe own mnp...\0 Borser ro... walle. 17  WIRD A RANI op IO L AMOR... SONA. inks AN TAO. "kek hiss Smal “Be Ale Od al. rund». Sropowng ub. from 18 19 22 23 -buck..sf pases week Pioud Bo te wd Se tej ep Ms mapped. though news that L teak. ; -— se pete dia oe Dion debate ane ass ie Tha tren ana a gong [ade baaia. : sige act :  SECTION B: Transactional Writing Refer to the writing assessment grids at the end of this section when marking questions 6 and 7. Question number Indicative content 6 Purpose: to write a magazine article – informative and persuasive. Audience: magazine readers. Candidates may choose which magazine they are writing for and some may adopt a more informal style. The focus is on communicating ideas about real versus virtual travel. This may involve a range of approaches. Form: candidates may use some stylistic conventions of an article such as heading, sub-heading or occasional use of bullet points. Candidates do not have to include features of layout like columns or pictures. There should be clear organisation and structure with an introduction, development of points and a conclusion. Responses may:  comment on the various advantages of travel, such as: broadens the mind; makes people aware of other cultures, landscapes, climates; to maintain family ties; may increase independence, understanding, tolerance; some countries rely on money brought in by tourism  explain disadvantages of travel, such as: cost; pollution; increase in carbon footprint; disturbance to/destruction of natural habitats; discomfort; language difficulties  comment on the advantages of learning about different places on television and the internet, such as: can watch in comfort; can learn about remote places that would not be possible to visit; causes no environmental damage; can develop an extensive knowledge; instant access; cheap  explain the disadvantages of virtual travel, such as: lack of personal experience and ability to make own judgements; dull and unadventurous; no real sense of the wider world. The best-fit approach An answer may not always satisfy every one of the assessment criteria for a particular band in order to receive a mark within that band range, since on individual criteria the answer may meet the descriptor for a higher or lower mark range. The best-fit approach should be used to determine the mark which corresponds most closely to the overall quality of the response. 27 Question number Indicative content 7 Purpose: to give a speech – informative and persuasive. Audience: general (young people or adults) or specific (students and teachers). The focus is on communicating ideas about the importance of physical education in schools and colleges and who has responsibility for a young person’s physical fitness. There should be an attempt to engage and influence the chosen audience. Form: the response should be set out effectively as a speech with a clear introduction, development of points and a conclusion. Responses may:  agree with the statement and explain the importance of physical education; consider that not all students have the opportunity outside of school to play a sport or join a gym, for example  consider whether more time could be made available for physical education: extra-curricular activities, time taken from other subjects, extending the school/college day  disagree with the statement and give reasons why, for example physical fitness should be a personal issue; academic subjects should take priority; school/college days are long enough already. The best-fit approach An answer may not always satisfy every one of the assessment criteria for a particular band in order to receive a mark within that band range, since on individual criteria the answer may meet the descriptor for a higher or lower mark range. The best-fit approach should be used to determine the mark which corresponds most closely to the overall quality of the response. 28 A04 AO4 Communicate effectively and imaginatively, adapting form, tone and register of writing for specific purposes and audiences Level Mark Descriptor 0 No rewardable material. Level 1 1-5  Communication is at a basic level, and limited in clarity.  Little awareness is shown of the purpose of the writing and the intended reader.  Little awareness of form, tone and register. Level 2 6-11  Communicates in a broadly appropriate way.  Shows some grasp of the purpose and of the expectations/requirements of the intended reader.  Straightforward use of form, tone and register. Level 3 12-17  Communicates clearly.  Generally shows clear sense of purpose and understanding of the expectations/requirements of the intended reader.  Appropriate use of form, tone and register. Level 4 18-22  Communicates successfully.  A secure realisation of the writing task according to the writer’s purpose and the expectations/requirements of the intended reader is shown.  Effective use of form, tone and register. Level 5 23-27  Communication is perceptive and subtle.  Task is sharply focused on purpose and the expectations/requirements of the intended reader.  Sophisticated control of text structure, skilfully sustained paragraphing as appropriate and/or assured application of a range of cohesive devices. 29 Read the following passage carefully and then answer Section A in the Question Paper. Whistle and I’ll Come to You (from The Woman in Black) During the night the wind rose. As I had lain reading I had become aware of the stronger gusts that blew every so often against the casements. But when I awoke abruptly in the early hours it had increased greatly in force. The house felt like a ship at sea, battered by the gale that came roaring across the open marsh. Windows were rattling everywhere and there was the sound of moaning down all 5 the chimneys of the house and whistling through every nook and cranny. At first I was alarmed. Then, as I lay still, gathering my wits, I reflected on how long Eel Marsh House had stood here, steady as a lighthouse, quite alone and exposed, bearing the brunt of winter after winter of gales and driving rain and sleet and spray. It was unlikely to blow away tonight. And then, those memories of 10 childhood began to be stirred again and I dwelt nostalgically upon all those nights when I had lain in the warm and snug safety of my bed in the nursery at the top of our family house in Sussex, hearing the wind rage round like a lion, howling at the doors and beating upon the windows but powerless to reach me. I lay back and slipped into that pleasant, trance-like state somewhere between sleeping and 15 waking, recalling the past and all its emotions and impressions vividly, until I felt I was a small boy again. Then from somewhere, out of that howling darkness, a cry came to my ears, catapulting me back into the present and banishing all tranquillity. I listened hard. Nothing. The tumult of the wind, like a banshee, and the banging 20 and rattling of the window in its old, ill-fitting frame. Then yes, again, a cry, that familiar cry of desperation and anguish, a cry for help from a child somewhere out on the marsh. There was no child. I knew that. How could there be? Yet how could I lie here and ignore even the crying of some long-dead ghost? 25 ‘Rest in peace,’ I thought, but this poor one did not, could not. After a few moments I got up. I would go down into the kitchen and make myself a drink, stir up the fire a little and sit beside it trying, trying to shut out that calling voice for which I could do nothing, and no one had been able to do anything for… how many years? 30 As I went out onto the landing, Spider the dog following me at once, two things happened together. I had the impression of someone who had just that very second before gone past me on their way from the top of the stairs to one of the other rooms, and, as a tremendous blast of wind hit the house so that it all but seemed to rock at the impact, the lights went out. I had not bothered to pick up my torch 35 from the bedside table and now I stood in the pitch blackness, unsure for a moment of my bearings. And the person who had gone by, and who was now in this house with me? I had seen no one, felt nothing. There had been no movement, no brush of a sleeve against mine, no disturbance of the air, I had not even heard a footstep. I had 40 simply the absolutely certain sense of someone just having passed close to me and gone away down the corridor. Down the short narrow corridor that led to the nursery whose door had been so firmly locked and then, inexplicably, opened. 32 For a moment, I actually began to conjecture1 that there was indeed someone − another human being − living here in this house, a person who hid themselves away 45 in that mysterious nursery and came out at night to fetch food and drink and to take the air. Perhaps it was the woman in black? Had Mrs Drablow harboured some reclusive old sister or retainer, had she left behind her a mad friend that no one had known about? My brain span all manner of wild, incoherent fantasies as I tried desperately to 50 provide a rational explanation for the presence I had been so aware of. But then they ceased. There was no living occupant of Eel Marsh House other than myself and Samuel Daily’s dog. Whatever was about, whoever I had seen, and heard rocking, and who had passed me by just now, whoever had opened the locked door was not ‘real’. No. But what was ‘real’? At that moment I began to doubt my own 55 reality. The first thing I must have was a light and I groped my way back across to my bed, reached over it and got my hand to the torch at last, took a step back, stumbled over the dog who was at my heels and dropped the torch. It went spinning away across the floor and fell somewhere by the window with a crash and the faint sound 60 of breaking glass. I cursed but managed, by crawling about on my hands and knees, to find it again and to press the switch. No light came on. The torch had broken. For a moment I was as near to weeping tears of despair and fear, frustration and tension, as I had ever been since my childhood. But instead of crying I drummed my fists upon the floorboards, in a burst of violent rage, until they throbbed. 65 It was Spider who brought me to my senses by scratching a little at my arm and then by licking the hand I stretched out to her. We sat on the floor together and I hugged her warm body to me, glad of her, thoroughly ashamed of myself, calmer and relieved, while the wind boomed and roared without, and again and again I heard that child’s terrible cry borne on the gusts towards me. 70 Susan Hill 1 conjecture: an opinion formed on the basis of incomplete information 33 Script 2A1 1 How does the writer develop feelings of isolation, in Whistle and I'll Come to You? In your answer, you should write about: + the weather and SeEting e the effeck of the writer's childhood memories Se the use of lafiguaga. You should support your answer with close reference to the passage, including brief quotations. 34 impact of the language and structure is clear and detailed in places and the use of examples is appropriate, relevant and fully supports the points being made. The response meets all of the bullets of Level 3, although there is not enough coverage of structure to fully meet this requirement. A mark of 18 reflects the elements of Level 4 that there are here, and the coverage of the passage overall. Level 3 - 18   37 Script 2A2 1 How does the writer develop feelings of isolation in Whistle and fll Come to You? In your answer, you should write about: e the weather and setting e the effect of the writer's childhood memories e the use of language. You should support your answer with close reference to the passage, including brief quotations. = the pournt Li a mrordphow & the duals. & (30) ( 7 She “quite atone ~ re ogenck eae peweck he : -sacroundadl lay noUUYy / 1g x lands huunon Speeene Of (ALON “pteon Dlacknas rocicwe OREN UNEPIVSSHON BOA en en bein OLONL : 38 TPB A MERE, LRONDD tbe ALL LOE PARLE, AY ah DOLD LOIY hl IES AACE RARE bp LOCH... e. fAL OLA Ms POLL AML, a AAD L, BAD SOFIE 5 BEEN, 1B. BELL Koc or AN AA ARL SY 606. A URADL,.... MAGS ALIAQ ADOLE.. ADD... 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You Bt La Ord LALA hy oh DAO NAGY RD. rb ebA ob ABM CDOLOL linseed ALLLAG GLA OGe BQ PAR BLOG, eh db tthe M LED ALL AO LON. 39 Although the candidate does not cover the three bullets in order, this does not impact negatively on the response. Level 3 – 16   42 Script 2A3 1 How does the writer develop feelings of isolation in Whistle and [tl Come to You? In your answer, you should write about: e the weather and setting e the effect of the writer's childhood memories e the use of language. You should support your answer with close reference to the passage, including brief quotations. AVOCA fe ata sie foals ZBGIZAER as....°32.0.° COMMONS... WAKten. aes and. Si goetS Q LOLM... 0 CUNENION...10.. On SQdnoN.. Wows Baga... upolared, Bnd. VOVS2..AB... - dead Was. Ang... ‘sound 9 rroonuing? Corws WuUMrNeY 5. Anak Wwere...6 ulus Hutng. Sasougi. oe noo. and cranny? Here, a2. QULNOr.pexsonrha:es And. Sounds in. to Mouse. OA... LAManS..¥um to. uma Audet noises. Tua... ABR... 0}. 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Me cormpeny 44 interpretation is clear and fairly detailed (L3/4). There is thorough understanding of language and structure (L4) and the exploration is clear and quite thorough overall (L3/4). The selection of references is appropriate and relevant (L3), in most places fully supporting the points (L3/L4). Level 4 - 22   47 Script 2A4 1 How does the writer develop feelings of isolation in Whistle and I'll Come to You? In your answer, you should write about: e the weather and setting e the effect of the writer's childhood memories e the use of language. You should support your answer with close reference to the passage, including brief quotations. (30) ot ah NAP B20... ROSAS. ~petbhng, Ah, nw igh Dk... A. WNBOS. 2...) 040. AOE... 800d.) OSONL.. A0A..ASPORCE....n. Ciurtoeuse of Pothank foLiacs) SANS MIN AOS 9 ya Mino BME SAL OMA. BID. SOQ eMC. JAY wwukh (Ss joxdapoaad te his ANB As Nh EBS... AOA Cnty... Sua Hy GORY EST el ATO jo AALS ISTO Go Eo arrmketer ON... LOA ROS. OLED». ear easethaen, AAG, 48 TAN xt UA... M0 MS AWUA..8 INQ... AK. AYE... AAAS, autusseg : (BARS PreSanks: ko WuRe Bk OL us. DeBiBe opin, OMA... ae AO nn DONE NGC. TAA S LIL CALI. Acne POLO... LIPO SASSO RADU GAAS. AEA By 223 PROLOLLY AAS UC I DIED. WALCO AEB IES BOLL OEY on oN Rett et ALLS A on SS oo OGD TALS HOI OE ene DMD. ee ae +N... eo AL AIO... ila... Ee cnt Bd using, copies DAIS 9. PARE 49 Script 2A4 The opening of this response is confident and very assured. The comment on the 'remote location of the house' and the simile 'like a ship at sea' is explored in quite a perceptive way, linking to both the physical location (in the lexical choice identified) and the colloquial expression suggesting uncertainty and confusion. There is detail in the comments on surroundings and setting - unpredictable, hostile, dangerous. The analysis of language continues with the comments on the personification of the house. The candidate perceptively explores this use of language - the remote location being highlighted, the parallel to his feelings, the use of pathetic fallacy. The comments on childhood memories are seamlessly woven into the response through the juxtaposition between the 'solitary and slightly hostile house' and the 'warm and safe' 'family house' in 'Sussex'. The thorough, detailed and perceptive response continues with the exploration of the personification of the wind. The candidate explores the 'animalistic and dangerous nature in this simile', noting that the lexical choice of 'lion' connotes an unpredictable and wild beast, uncontrollable' as 'he faces this danger alone'. The comment on how the image 'came roaring across the open marsh' depicts 'a predatory factor...as he is hunted' is perceptive. The candidate's reference to 'sensory deprivation' as the setting becomes dark is specific, detailed and thorough. There is clear reference to structure in the 'short sentence structure' that 'illustrates his panic'. The candidate also comments on structure in the use of lists to depict the narrator's thoughts and the attempt to 'use each of his senses to determine the situation'. The structural comments are detailed and thorough with the comments on rhetorical question and its effect. The comment exploring the structural use of the rhetorical question here is a perceptive one: 'perhaps depicts his isolation in a pitiful sense, rather than a dangerous one, that he has no-one else and has turned to himself to try and placate himself and gain some comfort'. The candidate's comments on childhood memories are also perceptive, 'uses a remeniscent [sic] tone' to compare the childhood and reality, the comparative sentence, the movement back to childhood feelings 'paints him as a scared child'. The final comments on the cry of the child 52 continue the perceptive response in that he perhaps reads too much into the noises he hears. There is perceptive understanding of the text, selection and interpretation of information, ideas and perspectives are apt, understanding of language and structure is perceptive and the selection of examples is discriminating. Level 5 - 30   53     SECTION A: Reading Question number Indicative content 1 Reward responses that explain how the writer creates feelings of isolation in the passage. Responses may include the following points about the weather and setting:  the passage starts ‘During the night’ and the weather is windy  the narrator says that in the early hours the wind ‘increased greatly in force’  the house is being ‘battered by the gale’ and it ‘seemed to rock at the impact’  the wind changes to being described as a ‘gale’ that is ‘roaring across the open marsh’  the verbs used to describe the sound and behaviour of the weather show how intense it is: ‘increased’, ‘battered’, ‘roaring’, ‘rattling’, ‘boomed’  a simile is used to describe how the house is moving because of the strength of the wind: ‘The house felt like a ship at sea’  the description of the house mirrors the narrator's isolation: ‘quite alone and exposed’  the narrator uses alliteration to emphasise the impact of the weather: ‘bearing the brunt’  repetition also shows the extreme conditions: ‘winter after winter’  the use of a list of types of weather shows how desolate the setting is: ‘gales and driving rain and sleet and spray’  adjectives are used to describe isolation and extreme conditions: ‘howling’, ‘ill-fitting’, ‘tremendous’, ‘mysterious’  the Gothic setting: ‘pitch blackness’ and ‘howling darkness’  the juxtaposition of the chaos of the storm and ominous calm: ‘no movement, no brush of a sleeve against mine, no disturbance of the air’  the claustrophobic setting: ‘short narrow corridor’  the noises of the weather are described in human or animal terms: ‘roaring’, ‘moaning’, ‘like a banshee’ and this links to the sound of the child crying: ‘child’s terrible cry borne on the gusts towards me’. Responses may include the following points about the effect of the writer's childhood memories:  the narrator reminisces about childhood: ‘I dwelt nostalgically’  the narrator's memory of feeling safe in the ‘warm and snug safety’ of his childhood nursery contrasts with his feelings of vulnerability in Eel Marsh House  he reflects on the safe nursery at home which leads into the contrast with the ‘mysterious nursery’ in Eel Marsh House  his feelings about being safe as a child at home help to emphasise the ‘desperation and anguish’ of the child’s cry he hears  the wind in the nursery at home was ‘powerless’ and this makes the wind during the night seem fearful  the memories of childhood create a hypnotic state in the narrator: ‘I lay back and slipped into that pleasant, trance-like state’. This suggests that the narrator is perhaps not in control  the suggestion he is in a trance makes the reader doubt his sense of reality and question if he really hears the cry of a child. 54 Section B: Imaginative Writing 57 SECTION B - Imaginative Writing Answer ONE question. You should spend about 45 minutes on this section. EITHER 2 Write about a time when you, or someone you know, had an unexpected experience. Your response could be real or imagined. {Total for Question 2 = 30 marks) OR 3 Write a story with the title ‘Left Behind’. Your response could be real or imagined. (Total for Question 3 = 30 marks) OR 4 Look at the images provided. Write a story that begins 'l wanted to make my own decision’. Your response could be real or imagined. You may wish to base your response on one of the images. (Total for Question 4 = 30 marks) 58  = Lteouving, Shae... cha. Zomias... bale —_ podled. sos wo GOK On the bus.= Long, (arduous). jowrey pesado. 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Han began... 7 i: hod = TVR unexpectod thot tating bones 62 Question 2 Answer 2B1 This answer shows good planning for content and structure. The candidate has crafted a piece about an unexpected experience. There is the use of the first person narrative and the opening sets the scene in anticipating that something is to happen, 'and the weekend brought both excitment [sic] and joy'. The opening paragraph uses verbs to suggest the narrator is relaxed in deed and in thought, 'relieved', 'remember', 'strolled'. The ending of the sentence 'From where I was, I could see the bus stop, and approaching it was a large red vehicle: the bus' creates impact on the reader. The phrase 'I kissed my teeth' is unusual but does create a sense of a physical response to the event. The tension is increased through the use of 'but', 'it looked empty, but as it came creeped [sic] closer, more people started to appear'. The candidate uses onomatopoeia in the 'schreech [sic]' of the brakes on the bus. The sense of an 'arduous' journey is not developed fully but the use of the word does add description to the piece. The action of the piece is developed as the narrator gets off the bus and there is description of how busy it is. This enhances the description of how the narrator 'leaped off' the bus and 'took a breath of fresh air'. This is sharply contrasted with the 'forceful kick to my shin'. The candidate effectively moves to a description of the winter evening to show that the candidate is knocked into thought. This description is effective: 'The street lights flickered a mustard yellow colour and car headlights shone brightly in all directions'. There is some inconsistency in the description of the attackers (they are described as boys but then 'One man') but it does create a vivid image of the strength of the boots as they are what 'a builder would normally wear'. The image of the gold tooth in the darkness is significant and the candidate uses varied syntax here: direct speech, in the command 'give me your phone', and questions: the narrator asks internally 'Shall I just hand it over?' There is a short sentence at the end of the paragraph which creates tension, 'I ran'. The action develops quite quickly from this point - the narrator hides, calls his or her father but is then caught by the attackers. The phrase 'but it wasn't over yet' creates a sense of foreboding. The simile 'like a bunch of tigers stalking their prey in complete darkness' is effective and 63 is contrasted with the way they 'scurried away like ants', and the motif of the sigh of relief effectively connects the different sections of the event. The ending is a little 'light' but is a clear conclusion. Communication in the piece is clear throughout, although in a few places the syntax or vocabulary is a little unusual. This is secure realisation of the task and there is a clear sense of purpose and audience. The form, tone and register is mostly effective. A mark of 13 in Level 4 is appropriate for AO4. For AO5 the candidate manages information and ideas and there is cohesive structure overall. Vocabulary is varied, for example 'arduous', muttering', 'forceful', rumaging' [sic], 'scurried' and there are only occasional spelling errors. There is some comma splicing, such as ‘and gazed back at my phone, the next bus was in 15 minutes' but this is not a major problem. There is a range of punctuation used with some accuracy. A mark of 8 in Level 4 is appropriate. AO4 Level 4 - 13 AO5 Level 4 - 8 = 21   64 mone..." net... MEEODY rep: +i AOA. AU. ede WNW, ,. To. SAL. had. ie htepase 7 - —— — oo — —— 25, 67 Question 2 Answer 2B2 This answer shows some brief planning and the candidate has crafted a piece about an unexpected experience. The opening use of onomatopoeia is effective - 'Tick tock' - and the narrator's viewpoint is identified through 'irritating'. Varied sentence structure is used as the exclamation 'It was seven hours!' identifies the length of the journey. The image of the narrator feeling 'killed' and 'stabbed' by the long journey is perhaps a little extreme for the purpose/audience, but it does create a sense of how the narrator feels about the journey. The candidate effectively crafts the setting - 'pitch dark', 'No one was to be seen and all the lights were off'. The image of the narrator closing his eyes to 'erase the image of the deserted streets' is evocative, as is 'the deserted American streets haunted my brain'. Onomatopoeia is used again as the narrator 'squished' the arm rest in the car. The candidate uses direct speech in the second section - 'Son, you alright?' - and there is detailed description here: 'calm and gentle voice', 'I opened my eyes at the speed of light'. The internal monologue is contrasted with the way the reader does not hear the narrator's response but 'I replied back'. The sentences beginning with ‘I’ at the end of the first page focus the reader on the feelings of the narrator and this repetition shows rising tension: 'I knew something was wrong', 'I could feel it', 'I waited'. The repetition of 'waited' also builds tension until 'It was then went [sic] it happened'. Direct speech is used as the command from a man is given, and the capitalisation shows the volume of what is said. The repetition increases the sense of fear. The description of the 'swarm of police officers' is effective, and the gun as a 'metal shaped object' is fitting for the memories of a young child. Events towards the end of piece are expressed slightly less coherently, as sentence structure is rather long with the use of 'and'. The candidate loses direction at the end and the ending is a little abrupt. The writing communicates clearly and successfully in the beginning. There is a generally clear sense of the purpose and audience and tone is appropriate overall. A mark of 10 in Level 3 is appropriate. For AO5 the candidate does develop and connect ideas overall. Vocabulary is varied, for example 'irritating, enormously', 'experienced', 'squished', 'deserted', 'desperately', 'swarm', 'anxiously', 'tantrum'. There are a couple of errors in grammar or syntax, for example 'nothing help and the...' and 'It was then went [sic] it happened', 'placed a metal shaped 68 object'. There are also occasional errors in spelling and apostrophes. A mark of 6 is appropriate. AO4 Level 3 - 10 AO5 Level 3 - 6 = 16   69 The closing sentence brings the sense of isolation mentioned earlier in the story back to mind, 'I feel utterly alone'. The candidate communicates clearly and mostly successfully, although the ideas could be developed further. 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OnE CB... e.G:gAIe» TOME. Rig 78  Question 3 Answer 2B4 This response is to Question 3, which asks candidates to create a real or imagined story with the title 'Left Behind'. This candidate plans effectively for the content of the piece and the voice, that of a six year old. The opening sets up the narrator as part of a universal group by using the pronoun 'we': 'We are all left behind in some way'. As the piece goes on this is poignant given the message of the writing. Lily's description of herself and her life is quite child-like: 'My name is Lily Rose Jackson' and 'My best friend is called Olivia May Evans', although the understanding that her mental and physical age are different is more suited to an adult. The narrator uses language to demonstrate Lily's behaviour and interests are child-like, for example 'Throw tantrums', 'giggle at funny faces', 'hide and seek', 'watch cartoons' and 'play hopscotch'. The stark comment that 'I have been left behind by my peers' creates a sense of sadness and the continued use of 'we' shows how, when Lily was a child, she was part of a group. This is then contrasted with the next paragraph where she says 'But now it is just me'. The repeated structure and alliteration in 'boys and boobs, drama and dating' emphasises the teenage interests that Lily does not share. Short sentences are used for poignant effect: for example, 'I am clever', 'I saw lots of doctors', 'I wish she was', 'School is lonely', 'I know how' and 'It haunts me'. The description of the accident is subtle and sensual, showing the sense of danger: 'smell blood' and 'taste my mother's fear'. Lily’s being left behind after the accident creates an effective parallel with the current situation. The description of the doctors reminds the reader of the child-like state of Lily as she says there were no 'lollipops'. The contrast between negative and positive here is used effectively: for example, 'There were no needles or lollipops, nor any machines' is contrasted with 'Just lots and lots of questions'. Repetition is used effectively, 'I cried a lot and shouted a lot', 'what had happened, what I wanted to happen'. The comment 'I cry and throw tantrums' brings the connection back to the children Lily lives with. Syntax effectively creates the sense of a child, with statements and short sentences, although there is some variation with questions, 'How can a place so full of laughter and bustling also be the most silent isolated place?' This question shows the experience of school very effectively. The image of the other girls watching 'like hawks' and waiting for her to 'trip or slip' creates hostility. The candidate effectively shows the child's naivety in the comment that Miss Brooke is Lily's friend at school and that they have tea together. Lily is however aware of the things that 15 year 79     Question number Indicative content 3 Purpose: to write a real or imagined story with the title ‘Left Behind’. This may involve a range of approaches, including: description, anecdote, speech, literary techniques. Audience: the writing is for a general readership. Candidates can choose to write for an audience of adults or young people. Form: the response may be narrative, descriptive or a monologue. There should be clear organisation and structure with an introduction, development of points and a conclusion. Some candidates may intentionally adapt their language and style to their audience by using, for example, a more informal or colloquial approach. Candidates may introduce some literary elements. Responses may:  use an example of something or someone left behind: this could be physically (at the end of an event, an adventure or an expedition) or emotionally (something or someone old-fashioned, out-of-date, or useless in our day and time)  give reasons why the thing or person was left behind and whether the experience was positive or negative  describe ideas, events, settings and characters  use a voice that attempts to make the piece interesting and believable to the chosen audience  be written in a register and style appropriate for the chosen form, which may include colloquial elements, dialogue within description or narrative, or a sustained single voice in a monologue. The best-fit approach An answer may not always satisfy every one of the assessment criteria for a particular band in order to receive a mark within that band range, since on individual criteria the answer may meet the descriptor for a higher or lower mark range. The best-fit approach should be used to determine the mark which corresponds most closely to the overall quality of the response. 82     Question number Indicative content 4 Purpose: to write a real or imagined story that begins 'I wanted to make my own decision'. This may involve a range of approaches, including: description, anecdote, speech, literary techniques. Audience: the writing is for a general readership. Candidates can choose to write for an adult audience or an audience of young people. Form: the response may be narrative, descriptive or a monologue. There should be clear organisation and structure with an introduction, development of points and a conclusion. Some candidates may intentionally adapt their language and style to their audience by using, for example, a more informal or colloquial approach. Candidates may introduce some literary elements. Responses may:  use the images to inspire writing, creating a character and a decision about something or someone (candidates are not required to refer to or use the images)  describe ideas, events, settings and characters  use appropriate techniques for creative writing: vocabulary, imagery, language techniques  use a voice that attempts to make the piece interesting and believable to the chosen audience  be written in a register and style appropriate for the chosen form, which may include colloquial elements, dialogue within description or narrative, or a sustained single voice in a monologue. The best-fit approach An answer may not always satisfy every one of the assessment criteria for a particular band in order to receive a mark within that band range, since on individual criteria the answer may meet the descriptor for a higher or lower mark range. The best-fit approach should be used to determine the mark which corresponds most closely to the overall quality of the response. 83     Writing assessment grids for Questions 2, 3 and 4 Level Mark AO4 Communicate effectively and imaginatively, adapting form, tone and register of writing for specific purposes and audiences 0 No rewardable material. Level 1 1-3  Communication is at a basic level, and limited in clarity.  Little awareness is shown of the purpose of the writing and the intended reader.  Little awareness of form, tone and register. Level 2 4-7  Communicates in a broadly appropriate way.  Shows some grasp of the purpose and of the expectations/requirements of the intended reader.  Straightforward use of form, tone and register. Level 3 8-11  Communicates clearly.  Generally clear sense of purpose and understanding of the expectations/requirements of the intended reader.  Appropriate use of form, tone and register. Level 4 12-15  Communicates successfully.  A secure realisation of the writing task according to the writer's purpose and the expectations/requirements of the intended reader is shown.  Effective use of form, tone and register. Level 5 16-18  Communication is perceptive and subtle with discriminating use of a full vocabulary.  Task is sharply focused on purpose and the expectations/requirements of the intended reader.  Sophisticated control of text structure, skilfully sustained paragraphing as appropriate and/or assured application of a range of cohesive devices.     84