Self-Disclosure & Communication in Close Relationships: Definition, Consequences, Theories, Study notes of Communication and Development studies

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Chapter 8: Self- Disclosure Self- disclosure Definition: personal information, shared intentionally, that another person would have trouble finding out without being told - Evaluative and descriptive information about the self - Verbal behavior Miller and Steinberg’s Three Levels of Disclosure 1) Self-description - Non-intimate - Multiple sources 2) Apparent self-disclosure - Appears intimate to receiver - Not intimate to source - Multiple sources 3) Genuine self-disclosure - Intimate, personal, private - Limited number of people - Involves risk Consequences of Self-Disclosure Positive 1) Better mental health (catharsis) - Less depression 2) Physical health - Fewer infections, more energy 3) Relational initiation - Loneliness and Self Disclosure, Bell & Roloff (1984)- dating video thing, more self-disclosure associated with less loneliness, less self- disclosure associated with more loneliness 4) Relational Maintenance - Ability to keep relationships going successfully - Roommate study 5) Relational Escalation - Moving from one stage to the next - Miell & Duck (1986)- self-description restricts development, intimate disclosure intensifies development - Disclosure communicates trust (relational level) - Circular model of disclosure and trust Negative - Self-disclosure involves risk - Potential risk 1) Possible hurt/rejection - Psychological hurt - Physical hurt - Unwanted rejection 2) Increased conflict - More sharing = more opportunities for disagreement 3) Decreased impression management - Makes you vulnerable 4) Personal acknowledgment - Owning up to personal/relational problems 5) Increased relational obligation - Escalation leads to obligation Social Penetration Theory - Altman and Taylor (1973) - A model of self-disclosure and relational development that illustrates how sharing increasingly more personal information intensifies a relationship’s intimacy level - Breadth- a dimension of self-disclosure that indicates the number of topics discussed within a relationship - Depth- a dimension of self-disclosure indicating how much detail we provide about a specific topic Relational Dialectics Theory - Competing tensions/desires in a relationship - Cyclic alternation- allows us to choose opposite poles of the dialectic at different times - Segmentation- allows us to isolate separate arenas, such as work and home, for using each pole in the opposition - Selection- allows us to choose one of the opposite poles of a dialectic and ignore our need for the other - Integration- allows us to synthesize the opposites - Neutralizing- allows us to strike a compromise between the two opposing poles of the dialectic - Disqualifying- exempting certain topics from discussion (taboo topics) - Reframing- redefine the dialectic Chapter 10: Communicating in Close Relationships Knapp & Vangelisti’s Relational Stage Model Assumptions - Relationships are not random - Communication moves dyads forward - Predictable stages of maturity and deterioration Caveats - Descriptive, not prescriptive model - Coming together ≠ good, coming apart ≠ bad - Describes predominant behaviors at each stage - Oriented toward romantic pairs but applicable to close friendships Coming Together 1) Initiating - Initial contact - Concern: present self as pleasant, likable, and open - Communication patterns: cautious, scripted 2) Experimenting - Searching for integrating topics - Common interests, issues, etc. - Small talk - Importance of small talk - Avenues for integrating topics - Audition for future friendship - Usually reduces uncertainty - Interaction increases liking - Most never progress beyond this stage 3) Intensifying - “Close friends” - Probing for intimacy, seeking confirmation before proceeding - Communication changes: nicknames, “we” language, inside jokes, direct expressions of intimacy/liking 4) Integrating - Personalities seems to fuse: “coupling” - Accentuating similarities, minimizing differences - Communication changes: others view pair as common unit, intimate objects exchanged, common property, physical intimacy 5) Bonding - Public expressions of commitment - Institutionalizes relationship - Deeper social circle integration - New sanctions for leaving - Main idea: common future= higher stakes Coming Apart 6) Differentiating - Differences take center stage - Often most intense when bonding happened without depth/breadth - Comm. Changes: increased conflict, more “I” language, testing partner’s tolerance 7) Circumscribing - Restricting quantity (breadth) and quality (depth) of communication - Previously safe topics become unsafe - Comm. Changes: superficiality, resisting attempts at intimacy, public closeness, private distance 8) Stagnating - None-few very safe topics left - Why bother? Attitude - Comm. Changes: negative nv expressions, expect negative outcomes of communicating, relationship talk taboo Why do people stay in stagnant relationships? - No alternatives - Moral commitment - Avoid pain - Hope to revive - Punish partner 9) Avoiding - Physical separation - Closing comm channels - Comm changes: clear or subtle messages that comm is no longer desirable; if unable to physically leave, leave relationally 10) Terminating - Not all experience formal termination (some may avoid indefinitely) - Comm changes: distance: erecting physical/psychological barriers, disassociation: preparing for life without the other Types of termination (Duck) - False justification (not you, it’s me) - Justification *most satisfying* - Relational cost escalation - De-escalation- worst - Pseudo de-escalation- worst Systems Theory - von Bertalanffy, 1968 - Compares relationships to living systems with six important properties Wholeness - A principle that states we can’t fully understand a system by simply picking it apart and understanding each of its parts in isolation from one another Interdependence - Asserts that members of systems depend on each other and are affected by one another Hierarchy - A principle that states that all relationships are embossed within larger systems Boundaries or Openness - Hierarchy is formed by creating boundaries around each separate system - Boundaries exist to keep information in the subsystem, but they also act to keep some information out of the subsystem Calibration or feedback - Centers on how systems set their parameters, check on themselves, and self-correct - Recalibrate- adjust a relationship to accommodate changing needs of the parties