Sample Candidate Writing Scripts and Examiner Comments, Schemes and Mind Maps of Voice

Download Sample Candidate Writing Scripts and Examiner Comments and more Schemes and Mind Maps Voice in PDF only on Docsity! Sample Candidate Writing Scripts and Examiner Comments Both the Academic and General Training Writing Modules consist of two tasks, Task 1 and Task 2. Each task is assessed independently. The assessment of Task 2 carries more weight in marking than Task 1. Detailed performance descriptors have been developed which describe written performance at the nine IELTS bands. These descriptors apply to both the Academic and General Training Modules. Task 1 scripts are assessed on the following criteria: • Task Achievement • Coherence and Cohesion • Lexical Resource • Grammatical Range and Accuracy Task 2 scripts are assessed on the following criteria: • Task Response • Coherence and Cohesion • Lexical Resource • Grammatical Range and Accuracy Candidates should note that scripts may be penalised if they are a) under the m inimum word length, b) partly or wholly plagiarised, c) not written as full, connected text (e.g. using bullet points in any part of the response, or note form, is not appropriate, etc.). Task 1 Task Achievement This criterion assesses how appropriately, accurately and relevantly the response fulfils the requirements set out in the task, using the minimum of 150 words. Academic Writing Task 1 is a writing task which has a defined input and a largely predictable output. It is basically an information-transfer task which relates narrowly to the factual content of an input diagram and not to speculated explanations that lie outside the given data. Coherence and Cohesion This criterion is concerned with the overall clarity and fluency of the message: how the response organises and links information, ideas and language. Coherence refers to the linking of ideas through logical sequencing. Cohesion refers to the varied and appropriate use of cohesive devices (for example, logical connectors, pronouns and conjunctions) to assist in making the conceptual and referential relationships between and within sentences clear. Lexical Resource This criterion refers to the range of vocabulary the candidate has used and the accuracy and appropriacy of that use in terms of the specific task. Grammatical Range and Accuracy This criterion refers to the range and accurate use of the candidate’s grammatical resource as manifested in the candidate’s writing at sentence level. Task 2 Task Response In both Academic and General Training Modules, Task 2 requires the candidates to formulate and develop a position in relation to a given prompt in the form of a question or statement. Ideas should be supported by evidence, and examples may be drawn from the candidates’ own experience. Responses must be at least 250 words in length. Writing scripts are marked by trained and certificated IELTS examiners. Scores may be reported as whole bands or half-bands. On the next 18 pages you will find candidates’ answers to five sample Writing tasks. There are answers for each Writing task. Each answer has been awarded a band score and is accompanied by an examiner comment on the candidate’s performance for that task. The examiners’ guidelines for marking the Writing scripts are very detailed. There are many different ways a candidate may achieve a particular band score. The candidates’ answers that follow should not be regarded as definitive examples of any particular band score. Please refer to the public band descriptors for Writing. Academic Writing Sample Task 1A Sample Script A Examiner comment Band 5 There is a good attempt to describe the overall trends but the content would have been greatly improved if the candidate had included some reference to the figures given on the graph. Without these, the reader is lacking some important information. The answer is quite difficult to follow and there are some punctuation errors that cause confusion. The structures are fairly simple and efforts to produce more complex sentences are not successful. Academic Writing Sample Task 1B Sample Script B Examiner comment Band 7 The answer deals well with both the individual media trends and the overall comparison of these trends. The opening could be more fully developed with the inclusion of information relating to the groups studied and the period of time during which the study took place. There is a good variety of cohesive devices and the message can be followed quite easily although the expression is sometimes a little clumsy. Structures are complex and vocabulary is varied but there are errors in word forms, tense and voice though these do not impede communication. Academic Writing Sample Task 1C Sample Script A Examiner comment Band 5 Although the basic process is accurately described, this script fails to present an overview and some of the key features are not adequately covered. The first sentence may have been an attempt at an overview but it simply causes confusion and detracts from the answer. Despite this, the overall progression is clear and there is effective, though mechanical, use of linkers and sequencers. There are also examples of substitution and referencing, although sentences are not always well linked. The vocabulary is minimally adequate for the task. Spelling is generally accurate but there are inappropriate word choices, omissions and errors in word form. Some attempts at subordination and complex nominalisations are made, but generally the structures are limited and there are frequent errors. Overall this is a good example of a Band 5 performance. Academic Writing Sample Task 1C Sample Script B Dear fa, T Gm Wweihng a (epart Obat brict rorufachurrg, The Following oe os _fotlows Brick monuFactiring <fort6 wth chaoeing gook queite day. - A_large degner cimiler te.0 Chane digs the clan. The precers ke Choe? helF 4G day. Qe which if is pat on metal gnd tp Leparok unwenkd ot Gnd im peoter. The stared Clay i then put yn ¢ lerge machine rofkr Where it 1 Oued path Sand ang wate to be moulged lake fo Dorm the bate oF the brik: whl tt ic stl tort, wre withes oe Uied fo_ PerFesty tut He brake, removing thy rough (dgca- The LaF biicke an thn pat Ina aging oven where [¢ faye Fron, 24-4 hour. Afr the _ pronet oF fire, the bricke ate then pet in forge Kilne Pen it is kd Gf motrak higt oF about 20d- 470°C. The bake on Pict pul 1a mcs Bat to_arovd Cracking Aber ¢ bout fw minicht, oe bricke then fired A “ Ast Gp0- 4300 heat. Thic ic the me heat'n o Loh 2peek di Just bade the til i the Sailing chembey ubveh ts Muck Hp OF Mommy che! where the biickc will ay Fer Ghowt 48-72 hours. The beuke Are then _teédl, Far packaging where the prick warterr Caretutt, Pack the backs iA large Cortanee Vans Br Aebinitiy The whole peste aly tem te be the 2 2 a. a tured: A thercA Me iwpa —_ pre feahirg pre been tee. a ir aber i a e = * becauge “Some. 2% the _ clays do tind te “Crack catty because oF the wrorg “Sent gnd_Wake Mixhule Kom the bert IF this bape, the protest he tobe Fepeaks_ogain Which can be Guike_lerng ty: nies e Examiner comment Band 9 This response fully satisfies the requirements of the task. All key features of each stage of the process are appropriately and accurately presented. An excellent overview is given at the beginning of the response and this skilfully incorporates part of the rubric, changing the grammatical function, to give a brief summary of the whole process. The message is very easy to read with seamless cohesion that attracts no attention. Paragraphing, linking and referencing are all skilfully managed. The language used is very fluent and sophisticated. A wide range of vocabulary and structures are used with full flexibility and accuracy. Only rare minor ‘slips’ can be found and these do not detract from the high rating. This response is a good example of a Band 9 performance. Academic Writing Sample Task 2A Sample Script A Examiner comment Band 4 While it is obviously related to the topic, the introduction is confusing and the test taker’s position is difficult to identify. Ideas are limited and although the test taker attempts to support them with examples from experience, they remain unclear. There is no overall progression in the response and the ideas are not coherently linked. Although cohesive devices are used, they assist only minimally in achieving coherence. The range of vocabulary is basic and control is inadequate for the task. Language from the input material is used inappropriately and frequent errors in word choice and collocation cause severe problems for the reader. Similarly, the range of structures is very limited, the density of grammatical and punctuation error is high and these features cause some difficulty for the reader. Attempts to use complex structures, such as subordination, are rare and tend to be very inaccurate. Academic Writing Sample Task 2A Sample Script B “2 greatly, Suppor the idea about Children who ave brougi! Ub in gaamilles seat do wot have large AMOUME Of Money are better prepared 40 deal wel the pblowc o¢ aduli Wee daw children brewer up by wrallay parewic 1 support it, barauce of +he sawed Lin - Childen who ave brougnr up in eawilies thar do nel have large amountS oF WoneY are vite ih A Conan psucholoqcal values . Such as Me value of Wacluprkwag diciglne wey are ucedto be in the condition wove Wwonnoy doesn’ come excily - “Trey Vave 40 earn ie work gor it. Ovpose to i achild who Comes rom a voaltiuy saniily % usa +0 have Morey all tho Aine . whenever Avo WA” cowering. te money id & excily Aaye 40 HWM ag a é everyay ate soir binivtay - Ciildren who are rouge up in tanthior that_do rot Wave large awounis vovey are well -sraimed to ace adulthood. “They Are_arll-paopared +0 eo aha pack tad Hw world ipa vory fougle plac. They watched cir parent everyday workalvory harel gue 4o put We sent on Avo rable . Thoy lave 2 eke 12 adwantanw +0 52 she reality ad embrace it Set their nnd that Hoy +00 wave wore lara €or Abele euture _, KWwir Own Araame Bite deified. cole. A chilA that came Erom a woaleny savily Aoocnt alway Wave Awic_ advantage - Tic is beauce their eu are blindgsou ‘Ve_yower Ok wordry , twa _sveiv avert na. They aly havea Atcodvantage oF Arawily love lige. Common\\y Examiner comment Band 8 The topic is very well addressed and the position is clear throughout. Main ideas are presented and well supported, apart from some over-generalisation in the penultimate paragraph. The ideas and information are very well organised and paragraphing is used appropriately throughout. The answer can be read with ease due to the sophisticated handling of cohesive devices – only the lack of an appropriate introduction and the minor error in the second use of ‘eg’ mars this aspect of the response. The writer uses a wide and very natural range of vocabulary with full flexibility. There are many examples of appropriate modification, collocation and precise vocabulary choice. Syntax is equally varied and sophisticated. There are only occasional errors in an otherwise very accurate answer. Overall this performance is a good example of Band 8. Academic Writing Sample Task 2B Sample Script A _Srfermadvomal ae has i gel tommons ae bo. “work tee asa 2ilenens or fousrist gusa These tourntnies udhout support at al ae re animals ov plents. fi Baypt of Taalianed ive gon “easier: aa mtu fplaces. They teke Lut on the Leads ov~spuien eae. Ruk-on—tre flartepmore , foun'smn Tour move prowning Examiner comment Band 5 The topic is addressed and a relevant position is expressed, although there are patches (as in the third paragraph) where the development is unclear. Other ideas are more evidently relevant, but are sometimes insufficiently developed. In spite of this, ideas are clearly organised and there is an overall progression within the response. There is some effective use of a range of cohesive devices, including referencing, but there is also some mechanical over-use of linkers in places. Paragraphs are sometimes rather too short and inappropriate. A range of vocabulary is attempted and this is adequate for a good response to the task. However, control is weak and there are frequent spelling errors that can cause some difficulties for the reader, thus keeping the rating down for the lexical criterion. The test taker uses a mix of simple and complex structures with frequent subordinate clauses. Control of complex structures is variable, and although errors are noticeable they only rarely impede understanding of the message. Although there are some features of a higher band in this response, flaws in the task response and the use of vocabulary limit this rating to Band 5.