Writing Effective Paragraphs: A Guide to Combining Sentences and Improving Essays, Schemes and Mind Maps of Japanese

Download Writing Effective Paragraphs: A Guide to Combining Sentences and Improving Essays and more Schemes and Mind Maps Japanese in PDF only on Docsity! CRESL Level Four Writing Guide Paul Mayer August, 2011 1 Table of Contents Introduction & Seven Steps to Follow When Writing Essays---2-4 Unit 1: Writing A Descriptive Paragraph--------------------------------5-9 Unit 2: Writing A Three-Paragraph Descriptive Essay----------10-12 Unit 3: Writing A Five-Paragraph Descriptive Essay------------12-19 Unit 4: Writing A Five-Paragraph Cause-Effect Essay----------20-23 Unit 5: Writing A Five-Paragraph Compare-Contrast Essay- 23-35 Appendix-----------------------------------------------------------------------36-42 4 Seven Steps to Follow When Writing Your Essays Step One: After I explain a writing prompt, take the time to brainstorm, categorize and outline your ideas onto the outline I have provided you in the Writing Guide. Be sure to have at least two supporting details and a topic sentence for each supporting paragraph. Papers turned in without a completed outline will not be corrected. Step Two: Go over your outline with this week’s partner. If you aren’t sure how to fix a mistake, raise your hand. Step Three: Write your essay over the weekend and bring it in on Monday to share with the same partner. Remember to use black or blue ink and to double space so that corrections can be easily made. The first time you read your partner’s paper, just check for content and try to find something to mention that you like about the paper. During the second reading, make a mental note of any mistakes you think your partner has made with content (the ideas and details), the format (the appearance of the essay, e.g. indentation, title) and form (grammar, punctuation, capitalization, etc.). Step Four: Talk about her paper’s strengths and weaknesses and try to fix each other’s mistakes. If you disagree or aren’t sure, raise your hand or come up to my desk and I’ll help you. Step Five: Hand in your paper with your partner’s signature at the bottom of the last page. I will not accept a paper that has not been corrected and signed by your partner. This is why it is imperative that you bring your first draft on Monday. Step Six: Take a look at the correction symbols (see list in the appendix of the Writing Guide) I have written next to or above your mistakes. With your partner and in a different color ink (blue on black or vice versa), try to fix the mistakes. See me if you need help. If there is a red line in the upper left hand corner, that means I need to speak with you. It could mean I just want to make a suggestion. Turn in the paper with the corrections. Please do not rewrite the essay, as I’m interested in making sure you correct everything I have taken the time to point out. Step 7: I have circled the corrections you have successfully made and squared the ones you failed to correct appropriately. Notice that within the squares I have put in a correction that would work in your essay. Your paper has also been given three grades: one for content, one for format, and one for form. Below is a check list to remind you of the steps you need to take: Essay Writing Check List  I have brainstormed and categorized my ideas and put them into the outline that my instructor has provided me in the Writing guide.  My partner and I have gone over each other’s outlines before the weekend.  I’ve written my essay in either black or blue ink and remembered to double space each line.  My partner and I have corrected and signed each other’s papers and turned them in.  My partner and I have corrected our own mistakes in a different color ink (blue on black or visa versa). We have looked at each other’s papers and have commented on the corrections each of us has made.  I have tried to correct each mistake that has a correction symbol nearby.  My partner and I have looked at each other’s paper (yet again), paying special attention to the corrections our instructor has written in each square. 5 Unit 1: Writing a Descriptive Paragraph Before we begin working on five-paragraph essays, let’s review what we already know about writing a good paragraph. A good paragraph needs to have a topic sentence that addresses the main point; details that help describe and support the topic sentence; and a concluding sentence that reviews what the paragraph was about. Today we are going to work on writing a descriptive paragraph. Your writing prompt is: Describe a good friend you know. If you don’t want to write about a specific friend of yours, you may write about the characteristics all good friends should have. The first thing you need to have is a sentence that addresses the topic—also known as a topic sentence. The sentence, “My friend has many likeable qualities.” works as a topic sentence because it tells the reader what you are going to be writing about. Usually the topic sentence in a single paragraph assignment is near the beginning of the paragraph. Notice in the outline below that the topic sentence is followed by details that help describe your good friend and explain why you like him or her. There should also be a concluding comment that repeats your points in different words. It’s always a good idea to take a few minutes to write an outline before beginning an assignment. Here’s a good way to outline a response to the question, “What makes a good friend?” Topic Sentence: My friend has many likable qualities. Detail #1: He is kind hearted. A. (Example sentences of his kindheartedness.) He is very thoughtful and friendly to everyone. He never puts people down and cares about others before himself. Detail #2 He is funny. A. (Example sentences of how he is funny and how he helps me laugh at myself) Because he is smart, he knows how to use humor to get his point across without hurting anyone’s feelings. He is also familiar with how to use humor to motivate people and how to get people to agree with him. Detail #3 He is trustworthy and honest. (Example sentences) (The third detail is usually the most important and is saved for last because it will be the one the reader reads last and remembers most.) 6 The most important thing I like about my friend is that I know that he would never turn his back on me or my family. He won’t lie to me. I feel very lucky to have someone like my friend because I can count on him in many ways. If your car broke down far away from home in the middle of the night, my friend is the kind of person who would get out of bed to pick you up. Concluding Comment: (This is a restatement of your topic in different words that includes the details and words that support your topic.) I feel very lucky to have someone like my friend because I can count on him in many ways. I have learned how to treat other people better through watching him, and he has shown me what it means to be honest and trustworthy. So, when we put the topic sentence, the details, and concluding comment together, the rough draft of the paragraph looks like this: My friend has many likable qualities. He is kind hearted. He is very thoughtful and friendly to everyone. He never puts people down and cares about others before himself. He is funny and helps me laugh at myself. Because he is smart, he knows how to use humor to get his point across without hurting anyone’s feelings. He is also familiar with how to use humor to motivate people and how to get people to agree with him. He is trustworthy and honest. The most important thing I like about my friend is that I know that he would never turn his back on me or my family. He won’t lie to me. I feel very lucky to have someone like my friend because I can count on him in many ways. If your car broke down far away from home in the middle of the night, my friend is the kind of person who would get out of bed to pick you up. I have learned how to treat other people better through watching him, and he has shown me what it means to be honest and trustworthy. Notice that too many of the sentences are short and begin with “He.” The contents of this paragraph are good, but stylistically it is poor. Now it is time to rewrite the paragraph, or what your teacher might call writing a second draft. To improve this rough draft, we need to combine these short sentences into larger ones. Combining Short Sentences by Making Lists One way to combine sentences is to make a list using commas. Our rough draft has a lot of adjectives. Can you combine the second and third sentences of the rough draft into one by using commas and listing the adjectives? 9 B. (Example sentences of _____________________________) _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Detail #3 (Usually the most important detail) It is a great place to exercise A. (Example sentences of the different kinds of exercise that can be done there.) _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Concluding Comment: (This is a restatement of your topic in different words that includes the details and words that support your topic.) ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ Exercise 4 Put the topic sentence, details and their supporting sentences down in paragraph form on a separate sheet of paper. Use the skills you practiced in Exercise 2 and 3 of this guide book to rewrite your second draft. After you finish writing your second draft, share your work with a partner and talk about what you like and what you think could be improved with your partner’s paragraph. Just like with your paper, check your partner’s paper for content, format, and form. Often your instructor will grade on these three criteria. Content refers to the ideas, the format refers to how the paper looks regarding layout (title, indentation, use of margins, etc.), and form refers to grammar, spelling and punctuation. Remember that you don’t have to use every editing skill every time. For example, you might not need to write a list, combine sentences or edit out unnecessary sentences with your rough draft. See what your partner thinks. Be sure to let her see both your rough and second drafts. 10 Unit 2: Writing a Three-paragraph Essay Now that you have reviewed what a good paragraph looks like, let’s expand on what you have studied. A three-paragraph essay is similar to a one-paragraph response as it has many of the same things. Look at the outline below and note the similarities it has with the outline we used when writing our paragraph about our favorite place. Title: Exercise Brings Many Rewards I. Introduction: A. Opening/Background Statements _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ B. Thesis Statement and First Point or Category _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ C. Supporting Details of First Point or Category _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ II. Second Point or Category: A. Topic Sentence _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ B. Supporting Details _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ III. Third Point or Category and Concluding Comment A. Topic Sentence _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ B. Supporting Details and Concluding Comments _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ 11 Similar to the outline for a one-paragraph response with its topic sentence that lets the reader know what the paragraph is going to be about, the three- paragraph essay outline has a main point, otherwise known as a thesis statement. Like a topic sentence, a thesis statement makes a clear statement and has supporting details. Only now each detail is a category or point with its own supporting details. So, in other words, the outline for a three-paragraph essay is simply an enlargement or expansion of the outline for a paragraph. With a partner, brainstorm ideas you could use to fill out the three main points of the outline above. Notice it also starts with background information or opening statements that are used to better introduce the topic of the paper and to catch the reader’s interest. This outline also has room at the end for more concluding sentences, which we will talk about in the next unit. Exercise 1: With a partner, try to fill out the outline above. Can you think of ways to fill in the background information that will catch the reader’s interest? In your opinion, what three main benefits (points/categories) does one get from exercise? The obvious one is it improves your body’s shape. Can you and your partner be more specific in the first part of the outline (I.C.) and give actual details of how and where it improves its shape? What about the other two benefits (points two and three)? A good way to measure the effectiveness of a point or category is to see how many details it has. As you can already guess, the more details the better! Take a few minutes to finish completing the outline with your partner and then share your other two points with the class. Be sure to be ready to give supporting details for your other two points. If you have time, think of concluding comments that summarize the three categories or points of this outline. Exercise 2: Now it is time to write the first paragraph of the outline for “Exercise Brings Many Rewards”. Remember to use the skills you practiced in Exercise 2 and 3 of Unit 1in this guide to write your second draft. After you finish writing your second draft, share your work with a partner and talk about what you like and what you think could be improved with your partner’s paragraph. Just like with your paper, check your partner’s paper for content, format, and form. Your instructor will write a sample paragraph on the board or screen using some of your ideas. Exercise 3: Finish writing the other two paragraphs of “Exercise Brings Many Rewards”. Be ready to turn in your final draft of this essay to your teacher, who will be correcting and grading this paper. 14 Title: My Neighborhood Park is My Favorite Place Paragraph I: Introduction A. General/Background Statements:___There are many places that come to mind when I think of places I like to go. Each one has its own purpose so it is hard to say which one is my favorite. B. Thesis Statement:_____However, I usually go to my neighborhood park because it is a beautiful place to visit (detail 1), exercise (detail 2), and unwind (detail 3). Body (Paragraphs II,III,IV) Paragraph II: Detail 1 A. Topic Sentence:___The park has many beautiful things to offer (detail 1). 1. Support:__There are a lot of trees and shade . 2. Support:__The gardeners do a good job of keeping up the flowers and lawns. 3. Support: The mountains in the background add to the peaceful feeling. Paragraph III: Detail 2 B. Topic Sentence: The park offers many ways to exercise (detail 2). 1. Support: My park has several trails that lead up into the mountains 2. Support: There is also basketball and tennis courts free to the public 3. Support: The open fields are good for activities like soccer and tag. Paragraph IV: Detail 3 C. Topic Sentence: The park is a place to unwind and have fun (detail 3). 1. Support: Being around nature is healthy for the mind. 2. Support: Exercising is good for relieving stress 3. Support: Families can go to the park to laugh and play. Paragraph V: Conclusion When it comes to finding a nearby place to have fun, to be around nature, and to do healthy things, I can’t think of a better place to go to than my neighborhood park. In my opinion, the best things in life are free, and the park can help you experience these things. That’s why it’s my favorite place. So, what’s new here? As mentioned above, we still have our three details, conclusion, thesis and background information, which introduces the topic. Notice that the introductory paragraph here is similar to the one in the three- paragraph essay. It mentions the three points or categories but does not describe the first detail’s supporting elements the way the three-paragraph essay does. Instead, it allows more space for background information and for listing the three 15 points or categories, which gives the reader a good idea of where you are going with your paper. Working with Body Paragraphs Let’s take a look at body paragraph 1 in the outline above. It will be the second paragraph of our five-paragraph essay. If we take away all of the outline and just leave the content, the paragraph as a rough draft will look like this: The park has many beautiful things to offer. There are a lot of trees and shade. The gardeners do a good job of keeping up the flowers and lawns. The mountains in the background add to the peaceful feeling. This is a good start, but it is kind of bare, almost like a skeleton. It needs what writers call “fleshing out”, which means adding even more details! One way to get ideas on how to add details is to ask why, how, when, what, and who questions. For example, with the detail, “There are a lot of trees and shade”, we could ask, “How does this benefit us?”, “Why is this important to the reader?”, or “What does this offer to society”? We could follow, “There are a lot of trees and shade”, with a non-identifying (otherwise known as non-restrictive, or non-essential) adjective clause, which you study in level 4. So, in other words we could add, “which provide a cool and relaxing place to rest after a hard day’s work.” Now the sentence looks like this, ““There are a lot of trees and shade, which provide a cool and relaxing place to rest after a hard day’s work.” On a larger scale, we could add an entire sentence to, “The gardeners do a good job of keeping up the flowers and lawns” with a sentence like, “My wife and I often walk by the flower beds to get ideas for what we would like to grow on our balcony.” Similarly, the sentence, The mountains in the background add to the peaceful feeling could be fleshed out with, “Whenever I walk their trails, I enjoy looking out over the town and seeing how small everything seems. This helps me to distance myself from my problems and to see them from a different perspective. So, now that we have fleshed out paragraph A, it looks like this: The park has many beautiful things to offer. There are a lot of trees and shade, which provide a cool and relaxing place to rest after a hard day’s work. The gardeners do a good job of keeping up the flowers and lawns. My wife and I often walk by the flower beds to get ideas for what we would like to grow on our balcony. The mountains in the background add to the peaceful feeling. Whenever I walk their trails, I enjoy looking out over the town and seeing how small everything seems. This helps me to distance myself from my problems and to see them from a different perspective. 16 Now our first paragraph is beginning to look like a complete paragraph. But it is still missing what are called transitional devices. Look in the appendix to learn more about these “connecting words” that help bridge ideas. Briefly, by adding these devices to our paragraph (and essay), we improve the flow of ideas. Compare our draft above with the one with transitional devices (in bold) below: First of all, the park has many beautiful things to offer. There are a lot of trees and shade, which provide a cool and relaxing place to rest after a hard day’s work. Also, the gardeners do a good job of keeping up the flowers and lawns. My wife and I often walk by the flower beds to get ideas for what we would like to grow on our balcony. Most importantly, the mountains in the background add to the peaceful feeling. Whenever I walk their trails, I enjoy looking out over the town and seeing how small everything seems. This helps me to distance myself from my problems and to see them from a different perspective. Exercise 1 In the space provided below take the information in body paragraph B (paragraph 3) in the outline above. Notice the rough draft of the paragraph below. This is like the skeleton of the paragraph. Now it’s your turn to flesh it out. Add more details and transitional devices to the topic sentence and three supporting details. Double space so that you can edit your work, and use the examples we used for paragraph A as a guide. The park offers many ways to exercise. My park has several trails that lead up into the mountains. There is also basketball and tennis courts free to the public. The open fields are good for activities like soccer and tag. ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ 19 Exercise 5 (Take-Home Assignment) It is now time to write your descriptive essay using your work on the outline from Exercise 2. Be sure to review what we have studied in these three units while you write your essay. Do you have transitional devices throughout the essay and within each paragraph? (Review Transitional Devices handout in the appendix.) Are the sentences longer because you have used commas and listed similar language structures like adjectives and gerunds? (See Unit 1, Exercise 2.) Have you tried to write compound and complex sentences instead of short, choppy ones? Exercise 6 (In Class) Exchange your essays with a partner and read your partner’s essay twice. The first time just read it to get the general idea of the essay. The second time, in light pencil, mark where you feel the essay is weak or needs correction. When you both have finished checking each other’s essay, talk about what you like and what you feel needs additional work. It may be a content problem, a format problem, or a problem with form (see page 5-6 for definitions of these terms). If you disagree with your partner’s suggestions, ask your instructor to help. Put your name at the bottom of your partner’s paper. This is done so that when the instructor corrects your first draft using correction symbols, both you and your partner can learn from each other’s mistakes. Turn in your paper for your instructor to put correction symbols where needed. Exercise 7 After you receive your first draft back from you instructor, try to correct the mistakes indicated by the correction symbols your instructor has used. Show the same partner the mistakes your instructor found and the corrections you made. If your partner disagrees with your corrections and you aren’t sure who is right, ask your instructor to help. Turn in your final draft to your instructor for a final grade. Exercise 8 (In Class) In one hour or less, write a descriptive five-paragraph essay using the prompt your teacher gives you. You may use your dictionary but no talking is allowed. Please remember to double space and to leave at least 5 minutes in the end to go over your work to make any necessary changes and/or corrections. Remember to take the time to brainstorm, categorize and to write an outline, which must be turned in with your essay. 20 Unit 4: Writing a Five-Paragraph Cause-Effect Essay Cause and Effect essays either explain what causes things to happen (like what causes us to get sick) or what the effects are as a result of something happening (like what happens to us when we get sick). When writing a cause-effect essay, it is important to find a topic that you can write either about its causes or its effects. Later you will learn how to write about both the causes and effects of something happening. However, for now, let’s just work on one of the two. Let’s write and outline for the following prompt: Write about the effects of being an A student. Look at the outline below. Notice that because we are writing a five-paragraph essay, the format is the same! We still have background information to introduce the topic, our thesis, which states our point of view on the topic, three supporting details that help prove our thesis, and a concluding paragraph, which restates and summarizes the three supporting details or points. Title: The Effects of Being an A Student Paragraph I Introduction A. General/Background Statements:________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ B. Thesis Statement:____________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ Paragraph II Topic Sentence:_____________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ 1. Support:_________________________________________________ 2. Support:_________________________________________________ 3. Support:_________________________________________________ Paragraph III Topic Sentence:____________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 21 1. Support:_________________________________________________ 2. Support:_________________________________________________ 3. Support:_________________________________________________ Paragraph IV Topic Sentence:_____________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ 1. Support:_________________________________________________ 2. Support:_________________________________________________ 3. Support:_________________________________________________ Paragraph V Conclusion:___________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ Exercise 1 Brainstorm (jot down any idea that comes to mind) some ideas that you think are possible effects of being an A student. Remember, in this paper we are not focusing on what causes someone to be an A student; we are just describing the effects of being one. Try to categorize your ideas into three main points with a partner. Your teacher will ask for ideas and she will put them on the board and categorize them with you. The next step is to decide which of the three categories is the most important, second in importance, and the least important. Once this is done, you can plan on the least important being the second paragraph, the second in importance being the third paragraph, and the most important category taking the fourth paragraph position. Try to find at least two supporting details for each of the three categories. For example, if you choose pleasing one’s family as one of the three main effects (topics), you need to write a topic sentence, and at least two supporting details. On your outline above, it will look like this: A. Topic Sentence: One main effect of becoming an “A” student is you please your family. 1. Support: The student might gain love from parents. 24 Exercise 1 Let’s review correction symbols and some of the skills we’ve learned while correcting a first draft of a compare-contrast paper. Take a look at the student paper in the appendix titled “Some Differences between Los Angeles and Nagoya, Japan.” Using your correction symbol handout, try to correct as many of the errors marked with a correction symbols as you can. While you are correcting the paper, notice that the same characteristics are mentioned for both Los Angeles and Nagoya. Would you say this paper is comparing or contrasting the two cities? Why? Would you say that the writer discusses each characteristic point by point, or first one side (city, in this case) and then the other? How many characteristics does she discuss? How many paragraphs does this essay have? What’s the relationship between the two numbers? Exercise 2 If you said this writer used both methods to write a paper that contrasts two cities you were right. Notice the first supporting paragraph (about the weather) is point- by-point and that the second and third supporting paragraphs (third and fourth paragraphs) use the block method If you connected the fact that there are three categories and that’s why there are five paragraphs, you were right again. After you go over your corrections of the first draft with your instructor, try to work backwards and study the outline below with the components of her paper. For the time being, we can use the same format that we used for the descriptive paper. Later we will make a few adjustments. What are her thesis and three main categories (topics) she uses to prove her thesis? What are the details she includes with each category? Title: ______Some Differences between Los Angeles and Nagoya, Japan I. Introduction A. General/Background Statements: There are interesting differences between the two cities. I was surprised when I came here. B. Thesis Statement: Los Angeles is very different from Nagoya because of the weather, public transportation, and housing. _____________________________________________________________ II. Body A. Topic Sentence: The weather is really different. 1. Support: It’s really hot here in L.A. in the summer, but it’s hot and humid in Nagoya. 2. Support: Winters in L.A. are good. Winter in Nagoya is too cold. 3. Support: None 25 B. Topic Sentence: Transportation is also really different. 1. Support: Cars are necessary in L.A. Public transportation is poor. 2. Support: Many families in Nagoya don’t have a car. Public transportation is good. 3. Support: None C. Topic Sentence: The kinds of houses which people live in are very different. 1. Support: In L.A. there are many separate houses; houses are of wood, one-story, have yards with trees and flowers 2. Support: People in Nagoya live in tall buildings and apartments; they are not of wood and are made in a Japanese style. 3.Support: None III. Conclusion: When in Japan I hated the weather but loved the public transportation. In L.A., I love the weather but hate the public transportation. The housing is different but I don’t know which is better. Exercise 3 Notice that the student uses the point-by-point method for paragraph two and the block method for paragraphs three and four. Mixing styles is less helpful for the reader, so let’s change the second paragraph into the block style method in the space provided below. Be sure to rearrange the student’s transitional devices (see handout in appendix) as well. Can you add a transitional to introduce the sentence about winters in Los Angeles? Because the paragraph will be organized differently, you may need to drop or add a transitional here or there. Please don’t look at the example below. Work on a separate sheet with a partner. ________________________________________________________________ Your rearranged paragraph may look something like the one below: First, the weather is really different. It is really hot here in the summer. I feel like the sun is burning my skin. Ultraviolet rays are really strong, so we tan our skin brown easily. However, I feel that the heat of Los Angeles isn’t uncomfortable because the weather is always dry. If I sweat, it is dried soon. Similarly, winter in Los Angeles is so good. It isn’t too cold, but it isn’t hot either. I can pass winter pleasantly even if I don’t have a coat. On the other hand, I really hate the summer in Nagoya. Nagoya is also hot, but the weather is really uncomfortable for me because it is very humid. I used to sweat a lot, and I always had to bring a towel with me. I couldn’t focus on studying, and I couldn’t sleep at night during the summer. What’s worse, winter in Nagoya is so bad. It is too cold, and it snows a lot. Heaters are always turned on, and I needed a thick coat, a scarf, and gloves when I was there. I didn’t want to go out in winter. I felt like the cold stuck to my skin. Sometimes schools are closed because of snow. I think the weather makes Nagoya a difficult place to live. 26 Exercise 4 The paragraph above is a good second draft. However, there are still too many short sentences that could be combined into longer, compound sentences. Let’s take a look at the first few sentences of the paragraph. Try to combine the three sentences into two compound sentences. Review Exercise 2 of Unit 1 to refresh your memory of this writer’s skill. Work on a separate sheet of paper and don’t peek at the example below. “It is really hot here in the summer. I feel like the sun is burning my skin. Ultraviolet rays are really strong, so we tan our skin brown easily.” One possible way is to write, It’s really hot in Los Angeles in the summer, and the ultraviolet rays are strong. We tan our skin easily, but there is the danger of burning our skin. Changing the word “here” to Los Angeles also works as it helps the reader follow the writer’s organization better. Exercise 5 Let’s work on improving the first half of paragraph four of this essay by combining some of these short, choppy sentences by using a sentence that lists several similar characteristics. If you have forgotten how to do this, see Exercise 1 of Unit 1 to refresh your memory. In the space provided, combine the three short sentences below into one or two sentences. Don’t peek at the example underneath the space provided. Many houses are one-story tall. They are built of wood. Many houses have a yard with trees and flowers. ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ One possible combination could be: 29 Exercise 6 In the point-by-point outline below for our papers on cats and dogs, some of the blanks have been filled in for you in bold. Focus first on filling out the information for the rest of the supporting paragraphs, paragraphs 2 and 4. Use paragraph 3 and the chart above as a guide. Exercise 7 Now that you are finished filling out the information for the three supporting paragraphs, what do you think a good thesis would be for this paper. Like the student paper comparing Nagoya and L.A., this paper doesn’t have a strong preference for either side. Why might that be? Discuss your answers to this question with your instructor and come up with a thesis that embraces this point. Remember that the introduction part of the first paragraph should attempt to catch (or hook) the readers interest. What interesting fact can you use to get the reader to want to read more? The Topic: Cats and Dogs Organizational Method: Point-by-Point I. Introduction______________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ _________________________________________ Thesis statement: ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ II. Category 1: Convenience 1st Detail: (About Cats)____________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 1st Detail: (About Dogs)___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ 2nd Detail: (About Cats)____________________________________________________ 30 ________________________________________________________ 2nd Detail: (About Dogs)___________________________________________________ 3rd Detail: (About Cats)____________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 3rd Detail: (About Dogs)___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ III. Category 2: Expense 1st Detail: (About Cats) cheaper and easier to care for _________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ________ 1st Detail: (About Dogs) more expensive and require more care and time____________________________________________________ 2nd Detail: (About Cats) they can destroy some of your property, especially your sofa and curtains 2nd Detail: (About Dogs) dogs can destroy practically everything, especially if you ignore them 3rd Detail: (About Cats) cats usually don’t attack people unless they bother them 3rd Detail: (About Dogs) they can attack people and get you sued or worse_ IV. Category 3: Practical Uses 1st Detail: (About Cats)____________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 1st Detail: (About Dogs)___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ 2nd Detail: (About Cats)____________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 2nd Detail: (About Dogs)___________________________________________________ 31 3rd Detail: (About Cats)____________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 3rd Detail: (About Dogs)___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ V. Concluding remarks:_________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ Exercise 8 In this exercise you are going to write a five-paragraph compare-contrast paper that contrasts eating in an expensive restaurant to eating in an inexpensive restaurant. This time you will practice using the block method, sometimes called the one side at a time approach. First use the boxes below to brainstorm and categorize your ideas. Brainstorm: Put Your Ideas Down in any Order You Want 34 2nd Detail: ________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _______________________________________________ 3rd Detail: ________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Inexpensive Restaurants 1st Detail: ________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ 2nd Detail: ________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _______________________________________________ 3rd Detail: ________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Paragraph IV Category 3: ________________________________________ Expensive Restaurants 1st Detail: ________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ 2nd Detail: ________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _______________________________________________ 3rd Detail: ________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Inexpensive Restaurants 1st Detail: ________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ 35 2nd Detail: ________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _______________________________________________ 3rd Detail: ________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Paragraph V Concluding remarks: (Remember to mention the three categories and to state which of the two styles of restaurants you prefer and why if you have a preference. You can include a famous saying, joke, quotation, prediction or anecdote to help strengthen your point.) ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ _________ Exercise 10 (In class) In one hour or less write a five-paragraph compare-contrast essay for the following prompt: Compare and/or contrast your life now to what it was like 10 years ago. Remember to categorize your thoughts so that you have three different topics with which you can write three supporting paragraphs. Take the time to brainstorm, categorize and outline. You need to write in the left hand corner of the first page which style (block or point-by-point) you are using. You may use your dictionary and you must include an outline similar to the one you used for either exercise 7 or in exercise 9 of this unit. 36 Appendix Correction Symbols art= article needed/or wrong article (a, an, the) cap/uc= should be a capital letter conj= conjunction (and, but, so, or) cs= comma splice: your sentence is not correct with only a comma f= fragment (not a complete sentence) needs a subject or verb lc= should be a small (lower case) letter pos= possessive (‘s or s’ or) prep= preposition (in, on, at, about, etc.) pron= pronoun needed/ or wrong pronoun (he-him etc.) s= singular noun pl= plural noun non = non-count noun sp= spelling vb t= wrong verb tense (ex. Go-went or eats-is eating) vb f= wrong form of the verb (ex. Have-has) wc= word choice (use another word) wf= word form (ex. Happy-happiness or boring-bored) wm/mw= word missing/missing word (you need to add a word) incomp= incomplete sentence [ awk ] = awkward structure or expression subverb= subject verb agreement issues ger= gerund infin= infinitive comp= comparative 39 Student Paper Christmas in My Country I have celebrated many different holidays in my life. They are all interesting and important to me. However, Christmas is my favorite for three different reasons. First of all, it is important for me because I grew up in a Catholic family. Since I was a child, I have learned about loving and respecting people like Jesus did. I remember my grandparents talking about Jesus all the time. On Christmas, we celebrate his life by going to church and praying. This has been an important tradition in my family for many years. In addition, Christmas is a big holiday because all the people in my family are together. I see my relatives from different parts of the country. I don’t usually see them at other times of the year. We celebrate together on December 24 th with a big meal. We usually eat turkey or pig with potato salad, or mashed potatoes, fruit cake, and hot chocolate. It’s wonderful to be with them and celebrate because I love them very much. I also enjoy Christmas because we can give presents to everyone. I have many aunts, uncles, cousins, and other family who celebrate with us. Our family is very big, so we put our names in hat and choose the name of someone in our family. Then we buy a gift for that person. I like to give special presents. I usually can make or buy different amazing gifts. I also like to receive presents. My favorite gift was a gold necklace. The children are very excited to get presents, and I love to see all of them happy. Now it is a little different for me because I am far from my family, but I am trying to teach the same ideas of religion, family, and gifts to my new family. I think we will enjoy Christmas together for many years. 40 Student Paper Some Differences between Los Angeles and Nagoya, Japan The differences between Los Angeles and Nagoya are very interesting. I had lived in Nagoya before I came to Los Angeles. When I came here, I was surprised at the differences between the two. Los Angeles is very different from Nagoya because of the weather, public transportation, and housing First, the weather is really different. It is really hot here in summer. I feel like the sun is burning my skin. Ultraviolet rays are really strong, so we tan our skin brown easily. However, I feel that the heat of Los Angeles isn’t uncomfortable because the weather is always dry. If I sweat, it is dried soon. Nagoya is also hot, and the weather is really uncomfortable for me because it is very humid. I used to sweat a lot, and I always had to bring a towel with me. I couldn’t focus on studying, and I couldn’t sleep at night during the summer. I really hate the summer in Nagoya. Winter in Los Angeles is so good. It isn’t too cold, but it isn’t hot either. I can pass winter pleasantly even if I don’t have a coat. On the other hand, winter in Nagoya is so bad. It is too cold, and it snows a lot. Heaters are always turned on, and I needed a thick coat, a scarf, and gloves when I was there. I didn’t want to go out in winter. I felt like the cold stuck to my skin. Sometimes schools are closed because of snow. I think the weather makes Nagoya a difficult place to live. Transportation is also really different. People who are living in Los Angeles have cars. I was really surprised because many students go to school by car. When I started to live in Los Angeles, I didn’t have a car. I didn’t know the necessity of cars. Los Angeles has few trains and slow busses. I was really puzzled about transportation. In contrast, 41 public transportation is spread out in Nagoya. I can go anywhere by bus or train. Subway lines are convenient. Many families don’t have a car because the parking fee is really expensive. Also, traffic is really terrible, so many people don’t want to drive in it. If people don’t have a car, they can live comfortably in Nagoya. Many people go to jobs, school, or stores by trains and buses. It isn’t strange. The kinds of houses which people live in are very different. In Los Angeles there are many separate houses for each family. Many houses are one-story tall. They are built of wood. Many houses have a yard with trees and flowers. Conversely, in Nagoya there are not many houses; most people live in tall buildings that have many different apartments. They are not built of wood. They are Japanese style, so they look very different than American style. Los Angeles and Nagoya are very different because of weather, transportation, and housing. When I lived in Nagoya, I hated the weather, but I enjoy the weather of Los Angeles now. However, I don’t like the public transportation of Los Angeles, but I like Nagoya’s public transportation. I like the style of houses in both cities. I don’t know which is a better city, but I hope Los Angeles can have better public transportation since I’m living here now.