The Definitive Book of Body Language Summary, Schemi e mappe concettuali di Comunicazione Professionale

Scarica The Definitive Book of Body Language Summary e più Schemi e mappe concettuali in PDF di Comunicazione Professionale solo su Docsity! THE DEFINITIVE BOOK OF BODY LANGUAGE Allan & Barbara Pease Summary chapters 1, 2, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 17 1. UNDERSTANDING THE BASICS Pioneers of body language: silent movie actors like Charlie Chaplin Mehrabian Albert (researcher) 1950: communication is 7% verbal message (the content of the message) 38% vocal (voice, tone, inflection, rhythm) 55% non-verbal cues. Ray Birdswhistell (anthropologist) called the study of nonverbal communication KINESICS He said that:  every person speaks for 10 to 11 minutes per day.  Average time sentence: 2.5 seconds  We make and recognize around 250.000 facial expressions For him, 65% of the communication is nonverbal.  In business settings, body language accounts for between 60%-80% of the initial opinion of a person.  60 – 80 % of people form their opinion about a person in 4 minutes. ** Words are used primarily to convey information Body language negotiates interpersonal attitude. The key to reading body language is to understand a person’s emotional condition while listening to what they are saying and noting the circumstances under which they are saying it. WOMEN AND PERCEPTION Being perceptive: being able to spot the contradictions between someone’s words and their body language. Women are more perceptive than men, and this has given rise to what is known as “women’s intuition”. Studies show that: Women correctly read the situation 87% of the time, and men 42%. BUT Men in nurturing occupations like arts, nursing and acting did nearly as well as women. Gay men also scored well. WHY ARE WOMEN SO GOOD AT READING NON-VERBAL CUES? MOTHERHOOD!! For the first few years, the mother relies almost solely on the non-verbal channel to communicate with the child, and therefore women are more perceptive negotiators than men because they practice reading signals early. Studies (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) show that women have far greater capacity for communicating and evaluating people than men do. FORTUNE TELLERS: they know so much because they use the cold reading technique. This can produce around 80% of accuracy when reading a person you’ve never met. It is a process based on careful observation of body language signals plus an understanding of human nature and a knowledge of probability statistics. ** Cultural differences are many, but the basic body language signals are the same everywhere. Debate still exists as to whether some gestures are culturally learned, and become habitual, or are genetic. The headshaking gesture signals “NO” owes its origin to breastfeeding. The toddler shakes his head away to stop any attempt to spoon-feed them. The origin of some gestures can be traced back to our primitive animal past. Smiling, for example, is a threat gesture for most carnivorous animals, but for primates it is done in conjunction with non- threatening gestures to show submission. Showing the teeth in animals is used to warn others that, if necessary, they will use their teeth to attack or defend. UNIVERSAL GESTURES: The shoulder shrug is (spallucce) a universal gesture. It is used to show that a person does not know or does not understand what you are saying. It’s a multiple gesture:  Palm exposure shows that nothing is being concealed  Hunched shoulders to protect from attacks  Raised brow, submissive greeting 3 RULES FOR ACCURATE READING 1. READ GESTURES IN CLUSTERS Scratching the head can mean uncertainty but it’s also a sign of dandruff (forfora). Gestures come in sentences, like words. A body language sentence, called cluster, needs at least 3 words in it before you can accurately define each of the words. Always look at gestures as a whole for a correct reading. 2. LOOK FOR CONGRUENCE Nonverbal signals carry about five times as much impact as the verbal channel and, women usually rely on the nonverbal message and ignore the verbal message. Ex. If someone says they liked a cake but shakes their head in a no signal. This is incongruence. 3. READ GESTURES IN CONTEXT If someone is cold, is likely to close his body. One can close the body also for self-defence. Always analyze the situation you are in. It can be easy to misread because it depends on the situation. A man may have a weak handshake because he is not confident, or maybe because he suffers from arthritis. Older people are harder to read than younger because they have less facial muscle tone in the face.  Dominance: it's transmitted by turning your hand so that your palm faces down in the handshake (Upper hand ritual).  Submission: offer your hand with your palm facing upwards, symbolically given the other person the upper hand like a dog exposing its throat to a superior dog. This can be effective if you want to give the other person control or allow him to feel that he is in charge of the situation. BUT > people who use their hands in their profession such as surgeons, artists and musicians may also give a limp handshake purely to protect their hands.  Equality: both palms remain in the vertical position and this creates a feeling of equality and mutual respect, because neither is prepared to give in to the other. to create equality, make sure that:  the palms are in the vertical position so that no one is dominant or submissive;  you apply the same pressure you receive. HOW TO DISARM A POWER PLAYER The palm down is reminiscent of the Nazi salute and it is the most aggressive of all handshakes because it gives the receiver little chance of establishing an equal relationship. Here are several things you could do to avoid this: 1. The step-to-the-right technique this technique involves first stepping forward with your left foot as you reach the shake hands. this tactic allows you to straighten the handshake or even turn it over into the submissive position 2. The hand-on-top technique when a power player presents you with a palm down thrust respond with your hand in the palm up position then put your left hand over his right to form a double hander and straighten the handshake. This switches the power from him to you and is a much simpler way of dealing with the situation and is much easier for women to use. This can shock a power player so you need to be selective when using it and do it only as a last resort. THE COLD, CLAMMY HANDSHAKE If we become tense when meeting strangers, blood diverts away from the cells below the outer layer of the skin on the hands and goes through the arm and leg muscles for fight preparation. The result is that our hands lose temperature and begins to sweat. To avoid this, visualize that you are holding your palms in front of an open fire. When shaking hands with people, standing on the left side advantages the person. (photo of JFK) THE DOUBLE-HANDER Increases the amount of physical contact given by the initiator and gives control over the receiver by restricting his right hand. It is also called the politician handshake. It gives impression of trustworthy and honesty but, when used on a person we just met, it can have the reverse effect. It should never be used in situations where a personal bond doesn't exist with the other person. In this handshake, two significant elements should be noticed. 1. The left hand is used to communicate the depth of feeling the initiator wants to convey. This is relative to the distance the initiators left hand is placed up the receiver's right arm. The further up the receiver's arm is placed, the more intimacy the initiator is attempting to show. 2. The initiator’s left hand is an invasion of the receiver’s personal space. So no double- hander should be used if there’s no personal bond between the two people. WORST HANDSHAKE TYPES 1. The wet fish Weak character, lack of commitment to the encounter. but in Africa, or Asia, a limp handshake is the norm, and a firm handshake can be seen as offensive. The palm is very sweaty. 2. The vice (morsa) Reveals desire to dominate and assume early control of the relationship or put people in their place. Sometimes it will be used by people who feel weak and fear they will be dominated by others. 3. The bone crusher Overly aggressive personality who attempts to demoralize his opponent by grinding his knuckles to a smooth paste. 4. The finger-tip grab Lack of confidence. It is used to keep the receiver at a comfortable distance. But it can also result from personal space differences between the people in the handshake. 5. The stiff-arm thrust To keep a person at distance and away from their personal space. it is also used by people raised in rural areas who have larger personal space needs and want to protect their territory. 6. The socket-wrencher Involves forcefully gripping the receivers outstretched palm, then simultaneously applying a sharp reverse thrust attempting to drive the receiver into the initiator's territory. Pulling the receiver into the initiator's territory can mean: o The initiator feels secure only in his own personal space o the initiator is from a culture that has smaller space needs o wants to control you by pulling you off balance 7. The Dutch treat Very similar to the wet fish handshake, but stiffer and less clammy to the touch. Chapter 3 – THE MAGIC OF SMILE AND LAUGHTER A French scientist discovered that smiles are controlled by two sets of muscles: the zygomatic major muscles, which run down the side of the face and connect to the corners of the mouth and the orbicularis oculi, which pulled the eyes back. A natural smile produces characteristic wrinkles around the eyes, while insincere people's smile only with their mouth. Smiling serves an even deeper more primitive purpose than just showing that we are happy. To show they are aggressive, apes show teeth to warn that they can bite. Chimpazé have two faces: a fear face, where they show teeth to express submission to a dominant other, and a playful face, where they show they are not at threat, but are playful. In humans, smiling tells another person you are non-threatening and asks them to accept you on a personal level. Lack of smiling explains why many dominant individuals, such as Putin and Thatcher always seem to look grumpy or aggressive. Science has proved that the more you smile the more positive reactions others will give you. When liars lie, the left side of the smile is usually more pronounced than the right. when liars lie, they smile less or not at all, regardless of culture. people who are innocent and tell the truth increase their smiling frequency when being honest. This is opposed to the popular belief that liars tend to smile when lying. FIVE COMMON TYPES OF SMILES 1. THE TIGHT-LIPPED SMILE The lips are stretched tight across the face to form a straight line and the teeth are concealed. it sends the message that the smiler has a secret or a withheld opinion or attitude that they will not be sharing with you. it's a favorite of women who do not want to reveal that they don't like someone. This is a rejection signal. 2. THE TWISTED SMILE It sends a message of sarcasm. One side of the mouth is up and the other is down. 3. THE DROP-JAW SMILE It is used to engender happy reactions in the audience or to win more votes. 4. SIDEWAYS-LOOKING-UP SMILE The smiler looks juvenile, playful, and secretive. When a woman does it, it makes men want to protect and care for females. This is one of the smiles Princess Diana used to captivate the hearts of people everywhere. 5. THE George W Bush GRIN Bush has a permanent smirk on his face. He is a Texan and they smile more than most other Americans. A New Yorker would find it weird. Men use a partial arm barrier known as holding-hands-with-yourself. it is also known as the broken zipper position, and it makes a man feel secure because he can protect his crown jewels and can avoid the consequences of receiving a nasty frontal blow. It recreates the feeling of having someone else holding your hand. Humans make a point of hiding the areas they think they are weakest or most vulnerable. Rich or famous people are just as nervous in public as the rest of us. They prefer to project a cool, calm attitude but their anxiety leaks out in disguised forms of armed crossing. One arm swings across in front of the body towards the other arm but instead of the arm crossing, one hand touches or holds on to a handbag, bracelet, or watch. Men wearing cufflinks are often seen adjusting them as they cross a room or dance floor. Women's disguise is less noticeable than men's because women can grasp onto things like handbags or purses if they become self-conscious or unsure of themselves. Take for example Queen Elizabeth II who used 12 handbag signals to send to her minders. Offering a cup of refreshment during a negotiation is an excellent strategy to understand whether a person is open to you or not. when they are accepting what they are hearing they place a cap on the side of their body showing an open or accepting attitude. someone who feels hesitant unsure or negative about what they are hearing will please their cup to the opposite side of their body to form a single arm barrier. ELBOW TOUCHING skilful elbow touching can give you up to three times a chance of getting what you want. There are three reasons this technique works:  The elbow is considered a public space and is far away from intimate parts of the body  Touching a stranger is not considered acceptable in most countries, so it creates an impression  A 3 second elbow touch creates a momentary bond between two people. A recent study demonstrated that elbow touching has had a positive effect on 72% of Australians, 70% of English, 85% of Germans, 50% of French and 22% of Italians. the more British or German your heritage, the less likely you are to touch others and, therefore, the more successful and elbow touch will be on you. CHAPTER 6 - HAND AND THUMB GESTURE When talking, people usually hold one hand palm up and articulate each point and then give the opposing points on the other hand. Right-handed people reserve their favorite point of view for their right hand and left handers favor their left. (On one hand, I like x because.., on other, I don’t like y … because) In addition, using hand gestures increases the impact of communication and helps individuals retain more of the information they are hearing.  Rubbing the palms together Rubbing the palms together is a way in which people communicate positive expectations. In a meeting, the speed at which a person rubs their palms together signals who he thinks will receive the positive benefits.  Thumb and finger rub The thumb against the index finger or fingertips is commonly used as a money expectancy gesture. Its symbolism is that of rubbing a coin between the thumb and fingertips. This gesture should be avoided at all times by any professional who deals with clients because it may carry negative associations about money.  Hands clenched together The hands clenched gesture shows a restrained, anxious or negative attitude. Hands clenched in raised position reveals frustration, even when smiling. A person using this gesture is experiencing a negative or anxious attitude. The hands clenched gesture has three main positions: hands clenched in front of the face; hands clenched resting on the desk or on the lap; and, when standing, hands clenched in front of the crotch. A person is more difficult to deal with when the hands are held high then they would be in a lower position.  The steeple (mani giunte che formano un tetto) The steeple is frequently used in superior-subordinate interaction and that indicates a CONFIDENT or self-assured attitude. it is used to give instruction or advice to subordinates and is particularly common among accountants, lawyers, and managers. this gesture can be converted to the praying gesture to appear God-like. this gesture should be avoided when you want to be persuasive or win the other person's confidence as it can sometimes be read as a smugness or arrogance. The steeple has two main versions: the raised steeple (Usually assumed when the steepler is giving his opinions or ideas or is doing the talking) and the lowered steeple (Normally used when the steepler is listening rather than speaking). Women tend to use the lowered steeple position more often than the raised steeple. when the raised steeple is taken with the head tilted back, the person takes on an air of smugness or arrogance.  The face platter it's a positive gesture used in courtship. it is used mainly by women and by gay men who want to attract a man's attention. A woman will place one hand on top of the other and present her face to a man as if it was on a platter for him to admire.  Holding hands behind the back this gesture is common among leaders and royalty and is used by the policemen patrolling the beat, the headmaster walking around the school playground, and anyone in a position of authority. The emotions attached to this gesture are superiority, confidence, and power. The person exposes their vulnerable stomach, heart crotch and throat you never subconscious act of fearlessness. If you take this position when you are in a high stress situation, you will begin to feel confident and even authoritative as a result of cause and effect. - The hand gripping wrist gesture communicate a different emotion. it is a signal of frustration and an attempt at self-control. One hand grips the other wrist or arm tightly behind the back, as if in an attempt by one arm to prevent the other from striking out. the higher up one hand grips the opposite arm, the more frustrated or angry the person is likely to be.  Thumb displays Thumbs denote superiority. The thumbs represent strength of character and the ego. Thumbs are used to display dominance, assertiveness, or sometimes aggressive attitudes. Thumbs displays are positive signals often used in the typical pose of the cool individual who uses them to show superiority. You will rarely see a low status individual doing this. - thumbs protruding from coat pocket > is common to men and women who feel they are in a superior position. it reveals in-control attitude. None of the subordinates would dare to use it in front of the boss. - Thumbs sometimes protrude from the back pockets as if the person is trying to hide their dominant attitude. - Arms folded with thumbs pointing upwards is another common thumb cluster. this is a double signal showing a defensive or negative attitude, plus a superior attitude revealed by the thumbs. “pain in the neck” gesture > when you say someone “gives you a pain in the neck”, you are referring to the ancient reaction of the tiny erector pillae muscles on the neck. They referred to your non-existent fur pelt to make yourself appear more intimidating. This reaction is caused by feeling of anger or threat. This causes the tingling feeling you experience on the back of your neck when you feel frustrated or fearful. You usually rub your hand over the area to satisfy the sensation. Head slapping > if you asked someone to do a small favor for you and they have forgotten to do it, they will probably slap their head. they either slap their forehead or back of the neck, as if they were symbolically beating themselves. If they slap their forehead, they signal that they are not intimidated by you mentioning their forgetfulness. When they slap the back of the neck to satisfy the raised erector pili muscles, the raised erector pillae muscle tell you that you are literally a “pain in the neck” for mentioning it. CHAPTER 8 – EYE SIGNALS The eyes can be the most revealing and accurate of all human communication signals because they are a focal point on the body and the pupils work independently of conscious control. THE DILATING PUPILS When someone becomes excited, their pupils can dilate up to four times their original size. Conversely, an angry, negative mood causes the pupils to contract to what are commonly known as beady eyes or snake eyes. In general, pupil size increases when people view something that stimulates them. Increases in pupil size are positively correlated with mental activity associated with problem solving, reaching maximum dilation as a person arrives at the solution. If a woman is attracted to a man, she will delete her pupils at him and he is likely to decode this signal correctly without knowing it. This is why romantic encounters are most successful in dimly lit places. Research has shown that when pornographic films are shown to men, their pupils can dilate to almost three times their size. Women score better at targeting emotions on the analysis of the pupils. Humans are one of the only species that has the white part of the eye. this white part is commonly known as the sclera, monkeys and apes’ eyes are completely dark. the white sclera serves as a way to identify where a person is looking at (give direction to the sight). THE EYEBROW FLASH It is universal and is also used by monkeys and apes as a social greeting signal. the only culture that does not use it is the Japanese, where it's considered improper or impolite and has definitively a sexual connotation. The golden rule is always eyebrow flash people you like or those who you want to like you. EYE WIDENING Lowering the eyebrows is how humans show dominance or aggression towards others, whereas raising the eyebrows show submission. Women widen their eyes by raising their eyebrows and eyelids to create the “baby face”. This has a powerful effect on men by releasing hormones into the brain, which stimulates the desire to protect and defend females. THE LOOKING-UP CLUSTER Lowering the head and looking up is another submissive gesture that appeals to men because it makes the eyes appear larger and makes a woman appear more childlike. this is because children are so much smaller than adults and spend their looking time gazing up and this creates a parenting reaction in both men and women. Lowering the eyelids while simultaneously raising the eyebrows, looking up and slightly parting the lips is a cluster that has been used by women for centuries to show sexual submissiveness. Think about Marylin Monroe. GAZE BEHAVIOR When westerns and Europeans talk, their average gaze time is 61%, consisting of 41% gaze time When talking, 75% when listening, and 31% mutual gazing. When we talk, we maintain 40 to 60% eye contact with an average of 80% eye contact when listening. The notable exception to this rule is Japan and some Asian and South American cultures, where extended eye contact is seen as aggressive or disrespectful. To build a good relationship with another person, your gaze should meet theirs about 60 to 70% of the time. This will also cause them to begin to like you. Always be sure to consider cultural circumstances before jumping to conclusions. When there is a situation of dominance and submission, it is usually the person who is subordinate who looks away first. You can send a clear message of this agreement by holding his gaze for only several seconds longer than would be usually acceptable. HOW TO GRAB A MAN'S ATTENTION Most men are not hardwired to read a woman's first gaze signal so she usually needs to repeat it three times before the average man picks up on it, four times for really slow man and five or more times for the especially thick. Women's more intuitive brains, however, where better in detecting voice changes, people dilation and other cues that gave the liar away. Making yourself appear smaller turns off the aggression switch in an aggressor's brain. THE SIDEWAYS GLANCE is used to communicate interest, uncertainty or hostility. When it is combined with slightly raised eyebrows or a smile, it communicates interest and is frequently used as a courtship signal, mostly by women. if it is clustered with downturned eyebrows, Furrowed brows or the corners of the mouth downturned, it signals a suspicious, hostile or critical attitude. EXTENDED BLINKING People under pressure dramatically increase their blinking rate. Extended blinking is an unconscious attempt by the person's brain to block you from their side because they've become bored or disinterested or feel they are superior to you. Superior types may also tilt their head back to give you a long look, commonly known as “looking down one's nose”. DARTING EYES When the eyes start from side to side it can look as if the person is checking out the activity in the room but the reality is that the brain is searching for escape routes, revealing a person's insecurity about what is happening. nevertheless, people are aware of this, so they will look more at the most boring individual and use a tight lipped smile to feign interest. TYPES OF GAZE there are three basic types of gazing:  social gazing  intimate gazing  power gazing 1. social gazing during social encounters, the gazer’s eye look in a triangular area on the other person's face between the eyes and the mouth for about 90% of the gaze time. 2. intimate gazing this gaze is across the eyes and below the chin to lower parts of the person's body. Men and women use this gaze to show interest in each other, and those who are interested will return the gaze. 3. Power gazing this gaze can change the atmosphere to very serious, it can stop a bore dead in their tracks. By keeping your gaze directed at this area you keep the screws firmly on them. never use this in friendly or romantic encounters. it works a treat on the person who you want to intimidate or on the person who simply won't shut up. Extended gazing can create intimate feelings. EYES AND MEMORY If a person is remembering something that they saw, their eyes will move upward. If they are recalling something they heard, they look to the side and tilt their head as if listening. if they are recalling a feeling or emotion, they will look down and to the right. when a person is mentally talking to themselves, they look down and to the left. CONTROL OF THE AUDIENCE To keep control of where a person is looking, use a pen to point to the presentation and, at the same time, verbalize what he sees. Next, lift the pen from the presentation and hold it between his eyes and your eyes. this has the magnetic effect of lifting his head so that you know he is looking at you and he sees and hears what you are saying, achieving maximum absorption of your message. Keep the palm of your other hand open when you are speaking. Chapter 10 – HOW THE LEGS REVEAL WHAT THE MIND WANTS TO DO Legs and feet are an important source of information about someone's attitude because most people are unaware of what they are doing with them and never consider faking gestures with them in the way that they would with their face. Ex. jiggling the feet is like the brain’s attempt to run away from what is being experienced. If you are not sure whether you are being lied to or not, look under the desk. The legs evolved in humans to serve two purposes: - to move forward to get food - to run away from danger For these reasons the way a person uses their legs and feet reveals where they want to go. THE FOUR MAIN STANDING POSITIONS - At attention this is a formal position that shows a neutral attitude with no commitment to stay or go. - Legs apart it is a predominant male gesture and it's like a standing crotch display. the crotch is displayed with both feet firmly on the ground, making a clear statement that he has no intention of leaving. it is used as a dominant signal by men because it highlights the genitals. - The foot forward The body weight is shifted to one hip, which leaves the front foot pointing forward. This was used in the Middle Ages by high status men to display their fine hosiery shoes and breeches. This show interest, as we point our lead foot in the direction our mind would like to go. In a group situation, we point our lead foot at the most interesting or attractive person but when we want to leave, we point out our feet at the nearest exit. - Leg cross this is how most people stand when they are among people whom they don't know well. Cross leg shows a close, submissive, or defensive attitude as they symbolically deny any access to the genitals. For a woman, position like the scissors and the single leg cross sent two messages: one, that she intends to stay, not leave. Two, access is denied. when a man does it, it also shows he will stay but wants to be sure you don't kick him where it hurts. Open legs show male confidence, closed legs show male reticence. HOW WE MOVE FROM CLOSE TO OPEN As people begin to feel more comfortable in a group and get to know others, they go through a series of movements taking them from defensive cross arms and leg position to the relaxed open position. It begins with the closed position, arms and legs crossed. As people begin to feel comfortable with each other their leg uncross first and their feet are placed together in the attention position. next, the arm folded on top in the arm cross comes out and the palm is occasionally flashed when speaking, but is eventually not used as a barrier. Both arms are unfolded next, and one hand may be placed on the hip or in the pocket. Finally one person takes the food forward position, showing acceptance of the other person. THE EUROPEAN LEG CROSS one leg is crossed neatly over the other, with 70% of people crossing left over right. this is the normal cross leg position used by European, Asian and British cultures. When a person crosses both legs and arms they have emotionally withdrawn from the conversation and it can be futile to try to be convincing when they sit like this. THE AMERICAN FIGURE FOUR this position is a seated version of a crotch display, as it highlights the genitals and is used by American males or any cultures that are becoming Americanized, such as Singapore Japan and the Philippines. places like Australia and New Zealand use both European leg crossing and the Figure four. This gesture shows that an argumentative or competitive attitude exists. Men who sit like this are not only perceived as being more dominant, they are also seen as relaxed and youthful. When the mind closes the body follows. if you are trying to persuade someone who sits in any of these positions, you should attempt to get them to uncross before continuing. FIGURE FOUR LEG CLAMP This gesture locks the Figure 4 into a permanent position using one or both hands as a clamp. this is a sign of the tough minded, stubborn individual who rejects any opinion other than their own. THE ANKLE LOCK when a person locks his ankles, he is mentally biting his lip. the gesture shows that he is holding back a negative emotion, uncertainty or fear. The feet are usually withdrawn under the chair, showing that the person also has a withdrawn attitude. Asking positive questions about someone feelings can often get others to unlock their ankles (42% success). miniskirts can give a woman the appearance that she is not approachable. THE LEG TWINE This gesture is almost exclusively used by women and is a trademark of shy and timid women. the top foot locks around the other leg to reinforce and shows she has retreated into her shell like a tortoise, despite how relaxed her upper body may appear. PARALLEL LEGS one leg presses against the other and gives the legs a healthier, more youthful look, which appeals to men from a reproductive standpoint. This is the position taught to women in deportment and modelling classes. Men voted parallel legs as their number one favorite position in women who are seated. When we are interested in either a conversation or a person, we put one foot forward to shorten the distance between us and that person. If we are reticent or not interested, we put our feedback, usually under a chair if seated. CHAPTER 11 – THE 13 MOST COMMON GESTURE YOU WILL SEE DAILY 1. THE HEAD NOD In most cultures the had nod is used to signify yes or agreement. it's a stunted form of bowing, which is a submissive gesture so the head shows we are going along with the other person's point of view. It is an inborn gesture of submission because blind people do it too. In India, the head is rocked from side to side, called the head wobble, to signal yes. This is confusing for westerners and Europeans, who use this gesture to communicate maybe yes or maybe no. In Japan head nodding usually means yes, I hear you. In Arab countries they use a single, upward head movement, which means no. Bulgarians use a common note gesture to mean yes. Studies show that people will talk three to four times more than usual when the listener nods their head using groups of three knots at regular intervals. The speed of the knot signals the patience of the listener. Fast nodding tells the speaker you have heard enough and want to finish the conversation or speak. There are two powerful uses of the head nod: - if you start nodding your head intentionally, you will begin to experience positive feelings - If someone knows they're ahead at you, you will usually nod too: it's contagious. 2. THE HEAD SHAKE It usually means no. Shaking the head holds its origin to breastfeeding. look for congruence: if someone is saying that it sounds good but is shaking his head, do not trust him. There are three basic head position: 1. Head Up it is the position taken by the person who has a neutral attitude about what is being said. When the head is lifted high with the chin jutting forward, it signals superiority, fearlessness or arrogance. The person intentionally exposes their throat and allows them to look down their nose at you. 2. The head Tilt Tilting the head to the side is a submission signal because it exposes the throat and neck and makes the person look smaller and less threatening. it's probable origin is in the baby resting its head on its parent's shoulder or chest. People also tilt their heads to one side when they become interested in something. Women will use this gesture to show interest CHAPTER 12 – MIRRORING: HOW WE BUILD RAPPORT When we meet others for the first time, we need to assess quickly whether they are positive or negative towards us. We do this by scanning the other person's body to see if they will move or gesture the same way we do in what is known as mirroring. We mirror each other's body language as a way of bonding, being accepted and creating rapport. One of the most noticeable forms of mirroring is yawning (sbadigliare). The urge to mirror is also the basis on which a queue works. Urges to mirror others are hardwired into the brain because cooperation leads to better health and economic growth for communities. It also offers an explanation as to why societies that are highly disciplined in mirroring such as the British, Germans an ancient Romans, successfully dominated the world for many years. Mirroring makes other feel at ease. Who feel similar emotions or are on the same wavelength and are likely to be experiencing a rapport, will also begin to match each other's body language and expressions. Being in sync with another person begins early in the womb when our body functions match the rhythm of our mother. When a couple is in the early stages of courtship, it's common to see them behave with synchronous movements. MIRRORING ON A CELLULAR LEVEL As with most other body organs, the heart appears to retain cellular memories, and this allows some patients to experience some of the emotions experienced by the heart donor. People who suffer from disorders such as autism have no ability to mirror or match the behavior of others, which makes it difficult for two-way communication with others. Because of the phenomenon of cause and effect, if you intentionally assume certain body language positions you will begin to experience the emotions associated with those gestures. if you feel confident you may unconsciously assume the steeple gesture to reflect your confidence. MIRRORING DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN Woman is instinctively four times more likely to mirror another woman than a man is to mirror another man. women mirror man's body language too, but men are reluctant to mirror a woman's gesture or posture. Typically, a woman can use an average of 6 main facial expressions in a 10 second listening period to reflect the speakers emotions. A woman reads the meaning of what is being said through the speaker's voice tone and his emotional condition through his body language. Men, on the other hand, can make fewer than 1/3 of the facial expressions a woman can make. Men usually hold expressions less, because of the evolutionary need to withhold emotion. This is why most men look as if they are statues when they listen. The emotionless mask that men wear while listening allows them to feel in control of the situation. When two people live together for a long time and have a good working relationship, they often begin to look alike. this is because they are constantly mirroring each other's facial expressions which, overtime, builds muscle definition in the same areas of the face. Marriages are more likely to fail when one partner not only does not mirror the other expression of happiness, but instead shows expressions of contempt. In a social situation, the person with the highest status often makes the first moves and the others copy, usually in pecking order. If one man uses an evaluation gesture or stands on the other foot the other will copy mirroring will continue for as long as the two are in agreement. MATCHING VOICES Intonation, voice inflection, speed of speaking and even accents also synchronize during the mirroring process to further establish mutual attitudes and build rapport. This is known as pacing and it can almost seem as if the two people are singing in tune. Never speak at a faster rate than the other person. Speak at the same rate or slightly slower than the other person and mirror their inflection and intonation. Mirroring the other person's body language is a useful way to gain acceptance. Before you mirror someone's body language, however, you must take into consideration your relationship with that person. For example, a boss that assumes the catapults gesture, would perceive a subordinate’s mirroring behavior as arrogance. Research shows that when the leader of a group assumes certain gestures and positions, subordinates will copy, usually in pecking order. CHAPTER 17 - SEATING ARRANGEMENTS: WHERE TO SIT AND WHY Where you sit in relation to other people is an effective way of obtaining cooperation from them. Let's see the main seating choices we have in a variety of circumstances at work and socially. THE CORNER POSITION this position is used by people who are engaged in friendly casual conversation. It allows for good eye contact and the opportunity to use numerous gestures and observe the gestures of the other person. The corner of the desk provides a partial barrier in case one person begins to feel threatened. It also avoids territorial division of the table. This is the most successful strategic position from which a person can deliver a presentation. THE COOPERATIVE POSITION It is one of the best positions for presenting your case and having it accepted because it allows good eye contact and the opportunity for mirroring. This position consists of two people seated on the same side and slightly turned towards one another. this position happens when two people are thinking alike or are both working on a task together. When a third person is introduced into the negotiation, The salesperson sits either in the cooperative position or in the corner position, while the third person is facing them. this position is known as siding with the opposition. THE COMPETITIVE/DEFENSIVE POSITION In this arrangement, competitors face each other just like western gunslingers. This position creates a defensive, competitive atmosphere and can lead to each party taking a firm stand on his point of view because a table becomes a solid barrier between both parties. In a work environment this position is taken by people who are either competing or if one is reprimanding the other. Studies found that, in business scenarios, people speak in shorter sentences from the competitive defensive position and can recall less of what was said. Sitting directly opposite others creates bad vibes. If a person is seeking to persuade the other, this position reduces the chance of a successful negotiation. THE INDEPENDENT POSITION This position is taken by people when they don't want to interact with each other. This position should be avoided where open discussions between people are your goal. It consists in sitting on a table in a chessboard-like manner.